My tomorrow are all mine

Chapter 18

When we walked back into the barn. I stared at Blake looking so pathetic. His eye was swollen and it brought old memories up. Made my chest hurt. Mr. Sir was about to woo him again when I grabbed his hand. It was almost like my body just moved without telling my brain to do so. I take the whip and Sir nods in acceptance.

" How did you find me?" I ask mainly because I want to hear it all. I want these men who love me to hear how he thinks so I didn't feel crazy to leave. No one else heard him do what he did, none of his friends, no family. Just me.

" I already told you. You're so s..." he got hit in the leg with the whip. I feel the pleasure run down my body and I smile. I shake my shoulders with the happy feeling that just gave me.

" I am not weak anymore Blake. I would choose your words carefully." I warned him. " How did you find me?"

" I got drunk one night and the guys kept asking why I didn't want to go home anymore. So I went home and flipped the house upside down to find something you left behind. Then I got angry that I could find anything and started burning your stuff."

" and?" I push pacing back and forth.

" your red book fell and all your stupid letters fell out. Like an idi...." I hit his hand this time. Another rush of pleasure. I hear the boys laugh. " You left them behind."

" I didn't leave them. I had no choice. Blake, you beat me from an inch of my life. Left me on the floor bleeding for a day and night. Then when I woke up. I crawled to the tube and passed out from the pain and blood loss for so long I couldn't remember what day it was." I was yelling now and making sure he knew what I went through.

" You're so stupid. You shouldn't have started it." He says back to me.

" Started it?" I am boiling mad now. " I had five Er's I used. One of which was so far away I wasn't able to go there anymore. It took too long to get in." I hit his leg again. " I had a broken collar bone. Dislocated elbow, shoulder, fingers. Even a toe once" I hit his other leg. " I had a broken leg twice. Broken fingers always. Broken wrist, arm." I hit his arm. " You hit me in the face and broke my nose so many times it was just normal. Just a regular Tuesday." Hit him in the other arm. " Why would you come here?"

" I missed you. I loved you." He said, sounding a bit defeated.

" No you didn't." Hit his face. It bled and that was ice. " You loved a punching bag. I cooked and cleaned for you. I even carried a child for you. You broken me. Shall we go back to that day? I told you I was pregnant. You went out got hammered and through me down the stairs." He shakes his head no. " Yes Blake that is exactly what happened and from that day on you beat me and kept me prisoner in that shit hole of a house. But I stayed. I stayed because I had no one to help me. I stayed so no one else would go through what I went through. If I died you would go to jail and no one would be able to be beaten and taped to the point where they are no longer human anymore. They are just a shell of someone they used to be." I wiped tears from my eyes as the words were coming out and the anxiety was leaving my body. " I am still trying to heal from the shit I didn't deserve. I loved you! I loved you so much I would have died for you. I loved you so much I lost myself. I loved you so much and you killed a part of me." I handed the whip to Sir. " I want you to know a few things before you leave this earth. Blake, you were my first love. The day you killed my child you killed me. Now I am free. All those times you tapped me and told me I was too stupid and broken to have a child and I would give you children no matter what. I was on birth control from the clinic. I would never bring a child of yours into this world. I could never do that to a beautiful perfect sport. I could never let you break them. My tomorrows are all mine." I move away from his face because now I am screaming at him. I had so much anger. " now though. Now I have a family. A man that loves me. Treats me with respect and wouldn't hurt me. For him I will have a child. In fact soon he will be a dad." I see Sir turn and look at me. Shock in his eyes. " I am sorry I wanted to surprise you but I need him to know he was not worth it and I am all better now." I sobbed as Sir picked me up and hugs me. The guys all start clapping and I turn and look at Gunner who is smiling.

" I am very proud." Sir says in my ear.

" I am going home. Gunner, you're coming with me." I say

" Yes Ma'am" he says following me out.

" don't you mean Chickadee?" Blake laughs. I turn and look at him. " isn't that what he calls you?"

" Sir" I say and he looks at me. " make it hurt." I say as he nods his head.

We walk home and as soon as I close the door behind us I grab Gunner I pull him in and kiss him. He makes quick work of his shoes and my dress. He tries to go upstairs. I pulled him to the couch. I take off his coat and his shirt. Quickly make work of his belt. Before I knew it I had him inside me. I was a rush of ecstasy and hormones. Mixed in with power and freedom. I knew I was wrong but wanted to be with Gunner knowing Blake was taking his last breath. The thing I wanted for years for Blake to go to hell. I ride Gunner on the couch of our living room in our home. As he takes my sensitive rest in his mouth. I moan out and am exhausted from the excitement. He finishes too and then we both look at each other and burst out laughing.

" I love you so much." I say

" I love you too baby." He says with a smile trying to catch his breath. " I am starving."

" me too" I realize standing up.

" What does our baby want?" Gunner says leaning up and kissing my stomach.

" French toast" I say " With sausage"

" Okay baby you sit. I'll cook." He is standing in his boxers and walking to the kitchen with all his muscles showing. I see a new tattoo on his back shoulder. It's two chickadees.

" When did you get that?" I ask shocked

" Today" he said, turning and looking at me. " Do you like it?"

"Do I like it?" I start to cry. " It's us."

" Yes, it is my love." Gunners face is glistening with happiness. I love this man so much. I love everything about this ranch. I watched him make me French toast and then we ate. We are watching the fire and talking about a life we want to live. A life we are planning. I tell him I think now that I am okay and know what I want. I want two kids. That I want to stay in this house and not move just add on. I want to stay here. I don't want to leave a place that feels like home. I put Gunners shirt on and got a glass of water when I saw Sir sitting on our porch. I walk out and sit with him. I was half naked but he didn't flinch. He just looked out at the stars as I waited.

" It's done." He says so calmly it scares me. " No one will know he was here. No one will find him." He scuffs his boot on a board. " When are you do?"

"About 6 months or so," I told him. He smiles looking out at the stars.

" Sweetheart, I want you to know we did this for you. We did this for your safety and the safety of this family. I am glad you're here and I am very happy about this baby. I am going to tell you Mama knows. She said a few weeks back that she thought you might be. I was too dumb to question her." He takes his hat off and leans forward playing with it. " I don't think it needs to be said but this information never leaves the farm. We have done this before and the boy was nothing needed on this planet." I nod. He gets up and starts walking off the porch.

" Sir?" I ask as a thought crosses my mind.

" Yes sweetheart?" He says

" Where is Henry's dad?" I ask He nods and then put his hat back on.

" no one hurts a woman without paying the price." He says " good night Honey"

" Good night" I said as I walked back inside.

Gunner is asleep on the couch and I curl up on his lap and cover us in the blanket. We slept like that all night.