My tomorrow are all mine

Chapter 5

That gives me a month and a few days. It's a Wednesday and those are his long days so I figure that will give me a big head start. Every day gives me a bit more life. More hope. It gives me the ambition to wake up. I started sleeping at night, being a bit more comfortable. However I sleep on the couch a lot so he won't touch me. I think he knows I am going to leave. I feel the need to put myself in my place. It has been awhile since he really hurt me. Which usually means it will happen soon. But I am getting out so what is another busted lip to gain my freedom.

Two weeks later I got a package delivered to the house. It is addressed to me and it has a chickadee on the stamp. I open it up a bit too fast and I see a small box and a note.

Chickadee,

Tyler's wife helped me get this, it's a track phone. Use it to call her and you two can make a planned date. I hope you're doing well. I am glad you want to stay with me. I will help the best I can. Plus I think having someone around when I get home will be nice. I will take that hug. I hope to see you soon. Stay safe.

Gunner

I pull the box out and it's a small blue flip phone. I open it up and put the battery in it. I find the letter he sent me with her number on it and dial it. It was the longest wait for an answer I have ever experienced. When I hear it stop ringing I start breathing again. I didn't realize I was holding my breath.

"Hello" I hear a woman saying, sounding scared on the other line.

" Hello" I say "I am ..."

" Chickadee?" she asks

" Yes." I say falling to the floor and sobbing. My heart hurts and I finally know this is going to work. She is real, she is really going to help me.

" Are you okay?" she asks when I can finally control my breathing. " I am so glad you're real and not something someone made up. I didn't believe him when he told me to help. But Gunner is the nicest person in the world so I told him I will help. When can you be ready?"

" When you are." I say so matter of fact. Ready to go.

" Well today is Thursday. How about next Tuesday? That will get me time to schedule a babysitter and make the trip. Will you be okay until then?" She asks

"It's been almost six years. What is five more days?" I almost whisper.

" Okay Chickadee i'll be there Tuesday at two in the afternoon okay?" she says

" Thank you." I cry into the phone.

" Thank you when I see you. I think you need more than just a ride sweetie. We will get you help and sleep. Stay safe." she says and hangs up the phone.

I charge the phone more and then before Blake gets home I turn it off and put it in my book. The last thing I need is to break my only lifeline I have right now. I sit on the couch and think about what I should do. I am too excited to act like I am not. I decide my cast has been on long enough and I decide I am going to get it off. The lady said four weeks it's been longer. I also am not going back to take it off. Instead I go to the garage and get a small saw and start cutting it off. It took way too long and when I was done the excitement wore off. I most my wrist and and feel my arm and it feels good. Sore but good.

I decide that dinner will be pork chops and mashed potatoes with gravy and broccoli. I head back inside to start it. Knowing I didn't have long to do so. I start on the potatoes and then I cook the pork chops. I decided I would do a honey glaze and make it a bit different. Blake might not like it but who cares at this point. I get everything done and set the table. Just in time for Blake to walk in the door. He is in a bad mood and I say nothing. He throws his coat on the floor and kicks his boots off. Hearing them hit the wall makes me jump. He stops and looks at me, setting the table.

" What is this?" he asks

" Pork chops and potatoes with gravy and steamed broccoli." I say pointing to each dish on the table.

" I can see that. I am not dumb. Why do you make it? I wanted something else." he says slurring his works. He is drunk and angry, not a good combination. I take a step back as he comes at me.

" I thought this was a nice change." I say

"Change?" he says in his deep voice. " You want change? Is taking care of me and my house not good enough for you? Do I not love you enough?"

" I didn't say that Blake." I say in almost a whisper. "I.."

" Want a change. You want a change. I'll give you a change." he says sitting down and making his plate.

I sit down and make my plate and we eat in silence. He huffs and chews every bite with an attitude. I don't look at him directly for I might lose an eye doing so. I have become very good at not looking at him. In fact, other than looking at him when he is looking away I don't look at him at all.

His black slightly curly hair that is long and has needed a cut for years is usually just under his hate and messy. His lips I once loved kissing are full and a pink color that is more a coral tint. His wide nose and green eyes I haven't looked at in years. Other than a few weeks ago when he forced himself on me and told me to look at him. He held my face so hard and tight I had bruises on my chin. He has big shoulders and stands about six two even higher in his Carolina work boots. Most of the time is a sweat shirt he is wearing and blue jeans or Carhart's. I just don't love him enough to care what he looks like anymore.

" So are we going to try for another kid?" He asks

" I ..." I start " I cant have kids Blake." This was not true but the birth control I take just in case he tries anything stops me from getting pregnant.

" Bullshit! You had a miscarriage that doesn't mean you can have a kid." He takes a bite of his potatoes and I feel a pain in my stomach that makes me no longer hungry. " I say we get you pregnant so you have something to do all day. I think you have too much time on your hands."

I shake my head and close my eyes. Dreading what he is saying. Is he going to take this further? Is he going to rap me again? Because that is really what it is. I don't want him to touch me and he forces himself on top of me. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed any of that. I can't remember the last time someone touched me and I basked in the warmth and comfort of that touch. I sat there terrified and horrified not knowing what to say. If I say no he will hit me if I say yes he will rape me. If I say no he will still rape me.

" I see you got the cast off." he says

" Yeah, it's better now." I say hoping he changed the subject for the good. We sit in silence longer and I wait for him to finish. Then I get up and start the dishes. Five days Flo. five days and you are free. The rest of your life will be better than this.

Blake sits in his chair and yells to get him a beer. I get one to open it and take it to him holding the neck so his hand won't touch mine at all. He instead pinches my but cheek which hurts as I walk away. Is this his foreplay? If so good luck for the next prisoner I have lost the need to save. 

I have lost the desire to die. So in that same break I have lost the need to save the next woman he traps here. I hope she survives and finds a Gunner that helps her to get out. I think about how the one yellow envelope changed my life forever. Even if I died tomorrow I died with something I lost a while ago. Hope I will die with hope flowing through me. The desire for something better for myself. Five more days. Just five more days.

Blake didn't try anything that night. It took a few days to boil up in him. He was angry for days. Three days in fact. That day would be the worst night of my life.