My tomorrow are all mine

Chapter 4

Weeks passed so slowly after I sent that letter. I felt like I was on pins and needles waiting for someone to show up that wasn't Blake and drive me off. I knew that wasn't going to happen but it felt like that could happen. I found myself gaining hope daily. I found a small radio that worked from my thrift store and found myself singing again. I was even dancing again. But only during the day and I had to hide the radio so it didn't become a weapon to break the next time.

On a sunny warmer than normal day, I go out and sit on the porch for the day. I take my coffee and book out and curl up in my chair. I watch my chickadee's of hope play in the sun. I wonder if Gunners chickadees played like mine do. I find myself engrossed in my new book I found at the thrift store and lose track of time.

When my neighbor comes out and sits on the rail to smoke I turn and look through the window and see it's time to start dinner.

" So , did you find your happiness?" he asks, looking at the tree.

" I think so." I say

" Is it here? Or is it running?" he inquires

" Running...I think." sounding like i was going to bust open and tell him everything about Gunner and that he might help me get out. But I don't.

" Someone who over thinks is a person who over loves sometimes." He puffs his cigarette again and lays his head back on the pull he is leaning on. " My loyalty has kept me in situations my brain should have made me leave."

" thank you" I say with a small smile and walk inside with my blankets, book and coffee mug.

Another week goes by and I get my next letter. Blake has been nicer than normal lately. Which makes me scared because it just means it will be a bigger blow up when it happens. It really is just a matter of when. I tell myself that every time. I need to just be ready for whenever the switch happens. That thought is what makes me flinch and not make eye contact as much as I do.

He kissed my cheek one night while I was cutting tomatoes and I felt my whole body harden. Then he moved away and I relaxed slowly. Another night he wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed me and that made my rib hurt. I just told myself that he wouldn't do it anymore. I won't have to deal with this much longer. I thought I was going to have a black eye one night but he just slapped me across my face instead that time. I think he is sick of leaving marks that take a long time to heal. He just has this look about him like he has never done any wrong and that makes the hate for him deeper.

I sat on the couch while he was watching his show and thought to myself. If I stabbed him I could get away fast enough. If I hit him really hard with a pan I could knock him out and leave. I could also poison him. No one would know until I was gone. I would already be in another state and no one here cares anymore no one would even know about me. I guess that is the good thing about being a ghost. When he yelled at the guy on the television I came out of my day dream. If I stabbed him I would have a mess to pick up and I don't want to do that. If I hit him with the pan I would have a busted pan and that's not worth it. If I didn't get away fast enough I would have to stay and I would have a mess.

Once I have dinner in the oven I open my letter. I feel the happiness coming through my fingers.

Dear Chickadee,

I can tell you how happy I was to get your letter. I am glad you're doing okay. I am working with Tyler to get a plan to get you help. His wife's number is on the back of this letter. She is already told about the situation and willing to help. They live 150 miles away from you. So If you need to call her and have her come get you, do it. I am glad you took me up on my offer of help. I don't like knowing that someone is hurting you like that. I could never do that. The only plan we can come up with is that she can come at night and pick you up and be waiting for you. You would need to be ready. I would suggest if you really want to do that give it to me clear. Do you really want to leave? Do you want to stay with me for a while until you get your life started? If so I will get a plan together with Tyler. I hope this finds you well. Stay safe.

Your friend Gunner

He really is going to help me. Should I just call her? If I have to get ready I need to figure out what I am taking and what I am not. I don't think he realizes I don't have a phone that I can just call her. If I did, I think I would be talking to her right now. I would be packing a bag and sitting on the porch for hours until she showed up. Instead I get a paper and pen and sit and write him back.

Dearest Gunner,

I will be more clear this time. I want your help. More importantly, I need your help. I don't have a phone so I can't call her. That was a good idea though. I say we set a day and if she is willing to do so I will be ready and waiting for her help. He is home at night though. So if she is able to, it would need to be during the day. I will be ready. I would love to stay with you until I get back on my feet and figure out what I want to do. Where I want to go. So I would say pick a day and I will be ready. Or I can pick one. I would say April 2nd is a good day. Gives enough time to get you this letter and hopefully one back and gives her time to get ready too. Thank you Gunner your kindness really is something I have not seen in years. I will give you a hug when I finally get to see you. Finally get to meet you in person. Stay safe.

Your Chickadee