guilty conscience | minsung

1

the boy took a second to close his eyes once he exited his dorm building, breathing in the scent and sighing out contently.

it had started to get colder day by day as spring started ending.

it was the time of the year again, where pretty flowers and trees started dying into autumn from the happiness of spring.

but to jisung, it was no different.

it was the same continuous cycle of life which he had at some point, got tired of.

though it was still pretty and beautiful, maybe he just didn't care anymore. whether things were beautiful or not, in the end, it would be over some day.

he stuffed his hands in his pocket before starting to walk around the campus since he had gotten up too early.

another day, another day of wasting time.

he truly didn't know what he was doing with having all people love him and be popular. neither did he know what he was doing by being overly nice.

maybe he just wanted everyone to like him. the idea of someone hating him made him uncomfortable to the core.

yes, he was popular and rich and everyone liked him, so what was there to be sad about? right?

he decided he should buy some coffee for himself to stop thinking so much.

he had always done it, a good healing time. so he quickly walked up the vending machine since it was the nearest from where he could buy some coffee.

jisung inserted some money into the vending machine, clicking on the option of coffee one time.

with a smile on his face, he bent down to take the coffee once the vending machine spit it out into the small container at the bottom and then continued his walk.

maybe this was what made jisung satisfied, even though he was always unsure of how he felt.

he stopped in his tracks when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.
nobody called him, and the only person that could be was his brother.

so he quickly pulled it out with a sort of excitement (he didn't even know why he felt excited) and it was his brother.

so he answered it.

"jisung." his stern voice that spoke through the speaker had jisung's mood dropping instantly.

"yes, hyung?" he tried not to sound nervous.

"when mother calls you, reject the offer to coming back home. you are not going to attend the family dinner tonight, alright? i don't take no as an answer and you know that very well."

jisung just sighed. he got giddy for no reason at all. and now his entire mood was ruined.

"alright... i get it, I'll call you later." jisung says, trying to redeem back his mood.

"don't. I've already told you, you don't have a family."

and with that he had hung up the call, leaving jisung to just stare at nothing while he stood still without any movement.

he eventually sighed, trying not to think about it too much as he stuffed his phone back in his sweatpants.

jisung threw the coffee bottle in a nearby dustbin and stretched his limbs.

he decided to go back to his room to sleep in more since it was the weekend after all. most people would be gone to visit their parents but jisung apparently didn't have parents.

and it was more better that his roommate had gone away to his parents as well and he could have the room all to himself.

--

minho happily watched his favourite TV show playing in the coziness of his house.

his mother was cooking something for him since he was back for the weekend. it was always the best time for him since the life he had at his university was hectic with all the practices going on.

of course, a break was always nice. but something kept running in his mind about when his father would be back.

he wished he wouldn't come back and work overtime just so minho could spend some time with his mother. there was a slight dislike he had when it came to his father.

sometimes, it was the only reason he didn't want to come back home. so that's why he always checked with his mother if his father had late night shifts on his weekends.

it was weird that he did work overtime on weekends, maybe he just decided to work more for a good pay? after all, it benifited minho so he didn't question it.

"minho honey! come here!" his mother called out and he sprang up from the couch to head to the kitchen.

"mhm?"

"nothing, just wanted to see my son." she said with a chuckle and minho tched with a small smile on his face.

"how's your practice going on? and everything at university?" his mother asked soon after the silence.

"oh, it's going well! as for university, i don't really know. i guess I'll be meeting up with my friends tomorrow." minho said, leaning on the counter since he had already caught on that his mother wanted to talk to him. maybe something was on her mind.

"you're not over doing yourself, right?" his mother asked while throwing a playful glare at him.

"hey! of course I'm not! I've already learned my lesson from that one time, it was horrible." minho pretended to shiver from thinking about it though he himself knew very well that he would overwork himself at some point.

he really liked doing ballet and he always wanted to be perfect at it.

"okay okay, anyone caught your eye recently?" his mother switched the topic, giving him a teasing look.

"mom! no, obviously no. i told you I don't want to be after someone or love someone or whatever." minho said, rolling his eyes as soon as he thought about it.

he always thought relationships never worked. well, maybe it was only because of seeing how his mother and father ended up.

his mother just sighed, continuing to stir the soup in the pot.

"but do you think you can try to understand and love someone? maybe that would take some of your worries away. if you find a person like that, then-"

"mom, I've already told you I don't want to."

"minho, look, if you think me and your dad have always been like this, you're wrong. we had always been inseparable and we really did love each other. we did have moments where just being with each other would make our worries go away and I'm sure something like that could help you too.." his mother said with a sad tone, clearly reminiscing her moments.

"so that's what has been troubling you?" minho asks, sighing after realising just how seriously his mother was taking this. he felt bad.

"yes, minho! yes, im always worried about you, you having those nightmares and being anxious all the time that you just overdo yourself with ballet concerns me to the point i feel the need to always check on you!" his mother said, her voice clearly laced with a deep layer of concern.

minho just looked down, "it's okay, mom. I'll figure something out. but finding a lover is not really the best answer. i promise I'll try to make myself better, hm?" he said soon after, looking up and putting his hand on his mother's shoulder just to reassure her.

and that seemed to bring a small smile on her face.

"okay, I'll trust you."

--

a/n: hehe