guilty conscience | minsung

13

everyone had their own lives to be bothered about. and jisung just couldn't afford to make it harder for someone else who was already suffering. there was nothing he would want to say to ruin a person's day or let them be empathetic.

he hated that, he didn't want to be understood. moveover, he didn't like concerning people with his problems or let alone talking about them.

but one person in particular who was going around hating him for no reason had him thinking about it all day. just what was he doing wrong for the person to hate him? he was being nice, he was doing everything a good person would do.

minho had made him become mean to him and now he hates him even more? okay look, at first jisung did try to get on his good side, but minho was actually really being an asshole!!

or well, that's what jisung's point of view is. so he couldn't help but return the same energy back.

but oh well, he couldn't stall the thought of that any longer, so he was going to try to get back on being nice to him again and making him like him.

but for now, all jisung did was stare at the ceiling with notsoever emotion present in his eyes. that's what he always did whenever he was alone anyways.

there was no one to judge him, or say something about him.

oh shit.

the memories of him going to his parents house today flashed into his mind again, and all that effort to block them had gone down the drain.

he could feel his breathing getting more uneven the more he continuously thought about how his father had slapped him and then pushed him, triggering another childhood memory in the back of his head.

jisung let out an uncomfortable heavy sigh, covering his eyes as if that would block the images and movements forming in his head.

"what's so good about your damn school to brag about it at the table! you fucking ruined it."

he couldn't help but whimper, his hands immediately going to his ears from his eyes, shaking his head in fear as if his father was in front of him about to hit him all over again.

"you're the type of person to deceive all the people around you while killing them in your head. you can't lie to me. i can read through you."

maybe it really was true. maybe he was deceiving all the people around him when he indeed actually hated them deep down.

maybe he hated seungmin, changbin, and minho. he just wanted them to be there so he could stay sane, right?

he didn't know anymore, he didn't know anything. everything was messing with him and he couldn't really find an answer to any of his questions.

he didn't know why he was trying so hard, he didn't know what he even felt at this point.

maybe that was the only reason he didn't let people get close to him. they would get frustrated with him and leave him anyway. they wouldn't be able to understand him because jisung refused to do so.

jisung almost screamed (but he covered his mouth before he did so) when the main door loudly opened and hit the wall, getting so scared to the point he could hear his heart beat ringing in his ears and he couldn't help but watch in horror when changbin walked in angrily. he could feel the tears brim at the corner of his eyes, a sob escaping past his lips as he relaxed when changbin's anger seemed to turn into something else once their eyes met.

they both held an eye contact for about a minute before jisung hurriedly got off his bed and rushed to the door to get out of the dorm.

"wait jisung!" changbin called out for him, but he just ran. he continued to run before feeling his arm being tugged at and almost tripping on his own feet.

"woah there, calm down." he heard a rather familiar voice say, dreading it more once he recognized who it was. he didn't want to look up. it was enough embarrassing himself in front of people.

he didn't want minho to see him like this again. it was worse thinking when he had said all those to him only for minho to find him crying like a baby.

"let go." he muttered, trying to pull his arm away from minho's grasp all while trying to keep his head down for minho to not see how much of a mess he was.

"i said let me go!" jisung yelled once again, getting the unstable flashbacks which made him more restless as he tried pulling his arm away continuously. tears started falling from his eyes and he couldn't help but think that minho was going to hit him.

no no no, get away. get away.

"n-no- don't hit me- please-" jisung was basically full on sobbing now, desperately trying to pull away and he couldn't even feel his breathing anymore.

once he felt the grip go loose, he immediately fell to the ground, looking up at minho with a terrified expression covering his entire face and moving away from him by basically dragging himself on the ground. and minho just seemed to reply back with the same expression by being frozen in his place. but he was rather confused.

"h-hey, are you okay-" before minho had really said anything, jisung was already rushing to get up, stumbling twice as he tried to keep his eyes on minho. and once he was properly stood, he started running away before minho had gotten a grasp on him again.

it had minho thinking. what exactly was jisung running away from?

why was he so scared?

his train of thoughts seemed to be interrupted with a panting changbin standing beside him, and looking at him with something that seemed to appear as dread.

"should we leave him alone or go after him?" changbin questioned, not really calming as he watched jisung slowly disappear away and run out of the campus gate.

"i think go after him."

"but he's running away from us-"

"ugh whatever!" minho said loudly, before running off to where jisung had went, following the trail he remembered jisung went on.

and the boy didn't seem to go far after getting out of the campus. he was just near the trees at the opposite side of the road from the campus, staring blankly at a car that seemed to stop in front him.

minho just watched. since the night had made everything quiet in the part of their university, he could partly hear what jisung was saying.

"what are you doing here?" jisung asked, looking inside the window of the car, without any effort to make eye contact with the person inside the car. they seemed to converse for a few seconds, mostly the person inside the car that minho couldn't see.

"why?" he heard jisung ask.

and minho had only now realised that jisung dyed his hair. he surely looked different.

jisung suddenly looked up, meeting eyes with minho. and they held the eye contact. with jisung staring at him because the person inside the car had noticed him first, and while minho didn't know that, he just stared in a suprise with suddenly making eye contact with jisung, as if he got caught in a crime.

there was silence the entire time and jisung seemed to be thinking about something, and it was obvious. his hand was on the handle of the car door.

but he suddenly let go of it.

he took a few steps away from the car, seemingly going to approach minho but he hesitantly stopped. minho saw him nervously biting his lip, looking down and then backtracking his steps towards the car again.

jisung rather aggressively opened the car door while keeping the eye contact with minho, getting in and shutting the door too loudly for any one's sake, minho couldn't read his eyes again. what was it? just what was the familiar look jisung held everytime he looked at him?

from what minho could see now, jisung was putting on his seatbelt and he looked quite... scared yet again?

and minho couldn't do anything. where was jisung going?

guess he'll never find out.

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a/n:

i know i said i won't update for a while but whatever.

the chapter is too short anyways ._.