Super Spark of Duper Pride [OB] - Act I: Motivation

3-J: The Reason? (Wyrm 8)

Wyrm 8:

<Hey, Skanda?>

Skanda-sama: <Hm? What is it, Feirune?>

It is the 'dawn' of a new day and I decided to ask a question I have had on my mind for a while now.

<Why do you think we are here?>

Skanda-sama: <Um, as in 'Why does life exist?', if so then I would say it is so that the universe has a way of admiring itself for a lack of other appropriate answers I can think of.>

That's a...poetic(?) way of looking at it, I can't help but agree, but not what I was trying to ask for.

<No, I mean like, why have we been reincarnated here as Monsters?>

I know why, for myself at least.

I think this is probably divine punishment for being a petty bully.

But what about Skanda-sama?

What is he here for?

All things considered, he seems like a pretty upright guy to begin with, so what gives?

Skanda-sama: <...Punishment, if I have to guess.>

<Huh!?>

Skanda-sama: <Heh, don't let my actions now fool you, kiddo, I wasn't a good person in my past life.>

<...How so, if you want to share?>

Skanda-sama takes a deep breath and then lets it out slowly.

Skanda-sama: <I was a talented individual, but I never did anything worthwhile with my gifts.

All that freedom, all that potential, and I wasted it all away being a shut-in.

I let the world around me burn, I let people around me suffer, and I willingly stood by and did nothing to help.

I knew I was selfish, yet I did nothing about it.

It is one thing to be evil and not be aware of it, but understanding you are evil and doing nothing about it is even worse.

It is comparing a defect to a choice.

I was content to wither away in my past life, which is why I believe I am here to suffer real pain so that I will learn to appreciate life and earnestly try to live a proper life.

And I must say, it worked.

For I am here, helping someone in need instead of turning a blind eye to it.

The past me would have used nihilism as an excuse to do nothing.

Probably saying something about how 'humanity is doomed anyway, so who cares?', when I should have rebelled against the meaninglessness of it all and make life meaningful on my own terms.

To 'fight' to the death against...myself, I guess?

Okay, I am starting to confuse myself, so I better stop here.>

That is the longest tangent I have heard from Skanda-sama, I would probably have trouble keeping up with it all if not for my Mental Boosting Skills.

So, Skanda-sama felt like he wasted his previous life away, and now he is here to repent through suffering and making the most of his new life.

I suppose the same goes for me, though unlike Skanda-sama, I have someone to help me along the way.

Frankly, that's unfair, I was basically a Karan, lashing out like a bitch would.

How come Skanda-sama's punishment is worse than mine?

He has faced death many times here while I have yet to do the same.

The closest I get to it is from him recounting times he did, his dramatic retellings of those events put me on the edge of my seat, but I am never in any actual danger because he is always around to shelter me.

Well, I suppose there was that time I almost drowned in my past life, but still.

I think being a bystander and doing nothing is not as bad as actively being bad.

He is good, I know from all his nuggets of wisdom he has shared whenever we chatted about philosophy, he just lacked the willpower to act on it before.

I should be the one helping him, not the other way around, but there is really nothing I can do for him.

He has it figured out, and more than capable of taking care of himself.

Skanda-sama: <So what about you? What are you in for?>

I tensed up as he asked me that.

The shame takes hold and I can't bring myself to answer Skanda-sama.

I...fear his judgement.

Skanda-sama: <It's okay if you're not ready to talk about it. Heck, you don't ever need to tell me either. This is a new life, remember? Just focus on doing your best here, using past experience as the wisdom you need to do better this time around.>

<I...thank you. I will do my best.>

Skanda-sama: <Then let's back to training your Stat Growth Skills, shall we?>

<Oh come on, way to kill the mood, you dumb old vertaren.>

What are you? My dad?

Well, I didn't really spend much time with my parents in my past life.

They loved me, I think, but they were always busy with work.

Sometimes I wondered if they love work more than me, and resented them a little for it.

By the time they came home, they would be too tired to bother with me.

So they hired a caretaker to look after me instead.

She was fine, I guess, she just did the housework and left me to my own devices.

She would take me to the playground when I asked for it, but it's not like she really cared for me either.

I always wished for more affection from my parents, from my caretaker, from anyone.

...It's that why it hurt so much when Hajuka rejected me?

I was...craving for the affection I lacked from my guardians in my past life?

When I think about it like that, I am tempted to blame my parents for how I turned out.

But no, I need to be responsible for who I am.

I want to be responsible for who I am, just like Skanda-sama.

Skanda-sama: <Earth to Feirune, you there?>

<Oh sorry, just lost in thought. Can we play dodgeball?>

Skanda-sama: <Sure.>