Super Spark of Duper Pride [OB] - Act I: Motivation

1-5: Hiiro Wakaba's Ambition (Spider 20)

Spider 20:

"Huff...huff...huff..."

I got away.

I survived.

I didn't die.

My home was invaded by a bunch of Humans.

They burnt it down, they burnt my home down, all of it.

I was lucky I had the foresight to leave holes in my home that I could specifically use to escape in case of something like this.

But still...I lost my home.

The one place I truly belonged, the one place I can be myself.

Back in my old life, my room was part of the house my mum owned, so it didn't actually belong to me even though I was the one looking after it.

I played the role of an unwanted child, working from an early age to earn my stay in the house, repressing the hope to ever be loved like a normal kid should be.

Online, I played the role of an unrivalled legend, peer pressured into grinding to stay at the top, never allowed to take a break.

At high school, I played the role of a pretentious loner prodigy, never interacting with anyone out of fear of being judged or mocked, which happened anyway.

With the Otaku Club, I played the role of an overbearing chunibyo, pretending that I don't need acceptance even though that's what I wanted more than anything.

With the Arcade Gang, I played the role of an unbearable egomaniac, faking looking down on others when really, I was looking up to everyone else, well, almost everyone else.

With the Good Boy Trio, I played the role of a creepy stranger, demanding to know them without letting them know me, all because I was too scared to let people know just how pathetic I really am, and then shunt me.

I was never truly happy, I was never truly myself.

I didn't belong anywhere, and the one time I finally, truly did, it was taken away from me.

Just like that and I can't do a darn thing about it because I am powerless, cowardly, pathetic.

What am I but another speck of stardust being knocked about by whims of fate.

I hate it.

...

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

And I hate myself! Nai wa!

This is so pathetic!

I am weak, so weak!

I can't protect anything! I can't accomplish anything!

I am ducking useless in all situations!

I am always at the mercy of everyone and everything!

I am alive but I am not happy!

I am so pathetic I can't trust that I will be happy for good!

If I can't be happy, then I might as well be dead!

I don't wanna die! I am gonna survive!

But that's not enough! I need to feel more inside!

Divine Voice: "Proficiency has reached the required level.

Acquired Skill [Desire LV1]."

I am not happy with myself! I am not proud of who I am!

I kept giving up on things I want because I am far too weak and cowardly to take any risks!

I kept on avoiding, sidestepping or straight up ignoring my problems which is why I am too weak to do anything now!

I mean, I have witnessed firsthand how vulnerable my home is to fire, yet I just ignored that possibility and did nothing to prepare for it, somehow believing it would never come up again.

I can't keep on hoping my problems will go away or solve themselves!

I can't keep running away from everything, especially my very own life!

Divine Voice: "Proficiency has reached the required level.

Skill [Desire LV1] has become [Desire LV2]."

And finally, I kept lying about not caring because I believe nothing matters in this inherently meaningless universe and I don't have what it takes to rebel against it to give my life a purpose.

That is just utterly, disgustingly pathetic!

I have to become stronger and braver!

So I can live with pride and defend that pride!

Divine Voice: "Proficiency has reached the required level.

Skill [Desire LV2] has become [Desire LV3]."

Only then will I live a life I can be happy with!

I don't wanna run away again, and to do that I will have to reach to the top of the food chain!

So no one dares or will even be able to mess with me!

I will dominate everyone! I refuse to submit to anyone!

I will have my happy, proud life!

Divine Voice: "Proficiency has reached the required level.

Skill [Desire LV3] has become [Desire LV4]."

And so I set off, to find enemies to fight, to get stronger.

Considering how weak I am, I have a long road ahead of me.

But I won't stop, I won't give up!

I want to be happy, darn it!

I just want to be truly happy forever!

I will crush my enemies no matter the cost to myself!

I will take fate into my own hands and finally live my life to the fullest!

Divine Voice: "Proficiency has reached the required level.

Skill [Desire LV4] has become [Desire LV5]."