Blood and Steel | Aemond Targaryen

Chapter 29

By the end of your third day back at Dragonstone the plaster that had been put on your face began to flake off in bits, once more revealing the twisted and fresh scar beneath it.   It looked much better than before. It looked clean and healthy, like it was now healing properly.

The first winter storm in years was rolling in from the far north and though the sun had set you could see the heavy clouds crawling towards Dragonstone. Snowflakes had already begun to fall and the sea was becoming restless, throwing its waves against the shores of the island as if in warning.

A sane person would be huddled up in front of a fire with a hot cup of tea, but you were the furthest from sane.

Wrapped in a heavy blanket that was bundled up to your nose you stood on the balcony of your chambers, eyes set on the western horizon deep in thought. Tiny flecks of white caught on your lashes as you blinked slowly, breathing in the scent of the blanket swaddled around you.

The last two days had been long. You had been introduced to the rest of Rhaenyras council, many of which you already knew after having been on Dragonstone for years. And then you were deep in meetings with them before you could take a breath.

War was on the horizon and things were moving fast. Faster than anyone would have liked.

And yet for some absurd reason the thing that occupied your mind more than anything. . . was Aemond.

And you hated it.

The more you settled back into your life here the more the white hot rage inside you began to mellow.

You hated that as well.

You hated it because you wanted to hate Aemond Targaryen with everything you had. You were trying so hard to but you were falling short. And you were falling short because a piece of you missed him.

You wondered where he was. What he was doing. If he was thinking of you even if he thought you to be dead.

A piece of you still felt the same feelings you had felt before everything went wrong. When you had realized you were falling for him.

You wanted to hate Aemond Targaryen. Not love him.

"You're going to lose a toe if you keep standing out here barefoot like that."

"And one day you're going to lose a hand if you don't start learning how to knock. I thought your mother taught you better than that." You spoke softly, eyes still on the horizon as you listened to Jace approach.

"Mother seemed proud of you today. You've settled into your new position quite well."

"The Greens took everything from your mother, our Queen. I will do whatever I can to assist her in reclaiming her throne."

There was a sigh from besides you before a hand gently grasped onto yours, "Come back inside before you freeze. Mother wouldn't be too happy if you froze solid days after your rescue."

Slipping your hand from Jaces, you swept past him and back into the warmth of your chambers, heading towards the fire still blazing in the corner of the room.

"Have you ever felt at war with yourself Jace?" You spoke suddenly as you poured yourself a cup of wine.

"I— I'm not sure I understand your meaning?"

"It seems my heart is at war with itself. I do not know what to do. My mind should be elsewhere, doing whatever I can to help Her Grace. . . But yet it is here, dwelling on absurd things such as love—"

The sound of Jace choking on air momentarily made you turn your head, meeting his eyes for the first time that evening.

"—Love?"

"Jace do try to not choke on your tongue, it's not flattering."

Attempting to regain his composure, the Prince let out a cough as he straightened his back, folding his arms behind him as he did. "Forgive me, it just sounded to me like you said you're in love with someone—"

"I most certainly am not!" You shot back, lying through your teeth as you gripped the cup in your hand tightly. "I am conflicted that is all. Feelings are a fickle thing that I am not overly fond of. I find that there are few things now a days that I am fond of—"

"I can tell you what I'm fond of if that might help."

Looking up from your goblet, your eyes widened slightly as Jace stepped closer to you, moving to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His thumb dancing down to your jaw as he ever so gently cradled your face. His touch so light you would have thought it came from a breeze.

But no.

It was Jace.

"One word and I will leave. You need only ask."

His actions and words had stalled your mind as you looked up at him, the boy only an inch or so taller than you. Everything about Jacaerys was calm. His presence similar to sitting in a hot bath after a long day, the only sound being a crackling fire nearby.

Though it felt like years, it only took your mere seconds to piece everything together. The way Jace had come to your rescue, they way he always worried and lingered nearby every since your return to Dragonstone.

He liked you.

And not in a platonic way.

You didn't answer, instead your free hand went up to gentle catch him behind the neck, pulling him down to you as you pressed your mouth softly but firmly to his. And then he moved one arm around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

You weren't sure entirely why you did it, but you did it non the less. You had never had feelings for Jace in that way but maybe— maybe a part of you was hoping that a spark would leap up in your chest at any moment. Anything to steer you away from your maddening desire for Aemond.

And so you kissed the Velaryon Prince deeper, begging the gods to make you feel something for him, to light that same fire inside you that Aemond did.

You wanted to love Jace, seven hells did you. He was a better person with a kind heart. But that roaring flame you waited for as you kissed him only grew to a flickering candle.

Yes, there was something there.

But it wasn't enough.

Suddenly Jace removed his hands from your waist, shifting to grip your shoulders as he pulled away.

"Are you okay? You're shaking like a leaf." Sliding his hands down your arms he held onto your hands and sure enough as you looked down your palms were shaking.

"I— I think I am-"

"Forgive me, I should not have advanced on you like that. It was unbecoming of me-"

You quickly shook your head, gripping Jaces hands tightly as for some unknown reason hot tears began to pool in your eyes. "No, no you have nothing to apologize for. It's my fault, I've messed everything up."

"What are you talking about? You have done nothing." Jaces tone filled with worry as he looked at you with concern.

You couldn't tell him. You couldn't tell him that you can't return his full feelings for you. That you had used him in that moment. How you had played with him.

How you were in love with Aemond Targaryen.

"Oh but I have-" choking on your words, you dissolved into sobs as you let go of his hands, covering your face with your palms instead.

You could no longer see the immense worry on Jaces face but a moment later he was pulling you into him, the two of you sinking to the floor as you broke down.

And there you stayed, even after the crying had seeped all the energy from you and you passed out in Jaces arms.