Fix me

Chapter 9

Song on the side...............................................................................................................................................

Chapter 9

Hunter wasn’t in Spanish that day. He was, however, in history and he did not even spare me a glance.

My gut wrenched with guilt whenever I saw him and all I wanted to do was go to him and apologize, tell him I meant nothing of what I said. I wanted I wanted I wanted what I couldn’t have.

            It did not help at all when I saw Jeremy in the hall and he smiled at me, giving me a wink. I didn’t eat after that and ignored Vanessa’s questions.

            History came along and I saw Hunter yet again. Only, this time, he did not ignore me like usual. No, he walked right up to me and looked me straight in the eye as he said, “I’ll ask Mr. Meyer to switch partners. I’ll work with Adam and you can have Rabia as your partner.”

            I was too stunned to do anything but open my mouth stupidly. “W-what?”  I asked after some time.

            His hands clenched into fists and he looked away from me. “You don’t have to worry about working with me anymore. You were right about what you said this morning,” He wouldn’t look at me anymore. “You won’t have to do anything with me anymore. You got your wish.”

            The bell rang and he left me there, paralyzed with stupidity. Because that was what I was: stupid. I let him walk away from me. I let Jeremy control me. I let him win.

            The lesson went on, but I was not paying attention to anything the teacher was saying. I wouldn’t look at Hunter now; I couldn’t. After what he said to me, I felt… defeated.

But why should I? I thought. I had gotten what I wanted. Hunter was out of my life. Jeremy would be happy. Everything was perfect.

            But that was the biggest lie of all.

. . .

            Class ended an hour later. I had been thinking about Jeremy and Hunter the whole period and I had made up my mind about what I wanted to do.

            As soon as the bell rang and Hunter walked out the door without a backwards glance at me, I followed him out. “No.” I said to his back and he turned around to face me.

            “What?”

            I was losing my nerve. I could feel it slipping through my fingertips and me using every ounce of my power to maintain my grasp on it. “N-no,” I said again. Only this time, my voice was weaker and smaller. “I want to be your partner.” I said, looking at my feet, my cheeks burning.

            “What?” He asked again, his voice questioning.

            “You’re wrong. I didn’t mean what I said about you this morning,” I waited for him to say something. Anything. When he didn’t, I looked up at him.

            He was staring at me with a slight frown, his eyebrows creased together. I had seen him enough times in class to know that was the face he made during a test when there was a particularly hard question we had to figure out.

            I opened my mouth to say more, but nothing came out. Giving up, I closed it again.

            “Then why did you say it?” He asked finally.