Fix me

chapter 13

Chapter 13

Three days passed uneventful. Vanessa, evidently, took my advice to mean not just to tell Jeremy, but her mother as well. She had not been at school since, her mother keeping her at home to monitor her and to take her to doctors to see if she was pregnant or had contracted any diseases.

I, on the other hand, was forced to go to school by state laws. And so I spent every passing period, every lunch, and every moment that would have me out in the opening for Jeremy’s eyes to see cowering. I either stuck to teachers and Hunter like glue or hid in the girl’s bathroom until the minute bell rang, nearly making it to my class on time.

On Friday, I had swim practice. If Jeremy was waiting to find me and take out whatever feelings of anger he possessed that would be the time he would do it. I was terrified. No. terrified was not how I would have described myself on the particular day. There was no word in the English dictionary to describe what I was feeling. Aghast, trembling, scared. Those were just words, not emotions I was feeling.

I knew, of course, that I could not hide forever, but I wanted to put it off for as long as I could.

News had traveled around the school that Jeremy, popular, good- looking, kind Jeremy, had been cheated on. I was glad for Vanessa’s absence for a few reasons. This was one of them. People tended to take the captain of the basketball team’s side instead of the invisible sophomore girl’s. I didn’t repeat the things they said about her to Vanessa. Some were just too cruel to say to her face. But I stuck to her side, even if she didn’t know it.

As I swam my laps after school, only a few things were going through my head.

One: Had I made a mistake in telling Vanessa to confess to Jeremy? Yes, I wanted to be strong for Hunter, but… I didn’t think I could handle this. I hadn’t slept since I made that phone call to Vanessa. Every sound, every creak that echoed through my house brought fears of Jeremy coming. I looked terrible. My eyes were always red and had dark circles under them and I was paler than usual with extra chapped lips. I was a mess and the only way I could get better was if I just sped the process up and let Jeremy find me.

Two: Why wasn’t Vanessa talking to me? I had tried to call her ever since the first day she had been absent. Had her mom just taken away her phone or was she mad at me for giving her the wrong advice? We had just patched things up between us and I didn’t want to ruin that. But what if I already had? What if she was done with me permanently? I didn’t know if I could handle that again; the feeling of being alone. But was I really alone without Vanessa?

Three: What had happened between me and Hunter that day at my house? I had let him… touch me. My cheek still tingled whenever I thought about it. Why did he, of all people, make me feel safe? Was it just because of what happened a few nights ago in his room? Had I actually believed that he wouldn’t hurt me? No one had tried to make that effort before like he did with me. I was beginning to have… feelings for him. And, what scared me the most was, I wasn’t sure if I completely regretted them.

I was the first one out of the pool. The water clung to me as I pushed myself out, using the concrete floor for support.

“Violet?”

I turned at the sound of my name. It was Mrs. Moore. She was walking towards me with a soft smile on her aged face. I knew something was up immediately. She never called me “Violet”. It was always “Ms. Chambers”.

            “Yes, Mrs. Moore?” I asked, beginning to feel paranoid.

            “Can I talk to you for a minute? In the pool office?” She motioned to the small box-like room by the entrance of the locker rooms. Through the big glass windows, a banner was visible that read, GO MOUNTAIN LIONS! In our school colors, red and purple.