Fix me

Chapter 1

Song on the side...........................................................................................................................................

Chapter 1

They say that you can see into a person’s soul just by looking into their eyes. That just by looking into the swirling irises of someone, you can see all their wants, all their struggles, if they are king hearted, heartless.

I wonder what people would see in mine.

Would they see the truth or just a girl like everyone else?

 It is funny what people will believe. For example, if they were to learn my secret, they would be shocked. They might even call me a liar. Because, what girl who has been raped, would be on the swim team of her high school? How could she talk to her friends and laugh and smile at their jokes?

It is easy to out on a mask every day, hiding my secrets from the world. Yes, I am on the swim team and yes, I still joke around with my friends, but does that mean my life is perfect? NO. I am on the swim team because I am a fast swimmer and it is one of the few sports that don’t allow touching. Every swimmer is in their own lane with a specific distance between them and their opponent. I still have a good time with my friends because they can make me laugh. And so, each morning, I put on my mask and pretend everything is ok. Even if my secret is slowly gnawing at my insides, eating me alive. I plaster on a smile and walk out the front door.

Smiling is easy for me now. I practice sometimes in the mirror until my lips are numb. Until they are cracked and my jaw hurts, but it is okay because no one will suspect what is behind it. No one can see anything is wrong with me now.

 School is both a relief and a hell. I can distract myself with classes (even though I am failing all of them) and my friends, but there is always the chance that I will run into him. It. My nightmare. Whatever I call him, it does not matter. He is still the one that did this to me. I hate him and I wish he had never been a part of my life.

“Violet.” I snap my head up at the sound of my name. My best friend, Vanessa, had been trying to get my attention for a while now. I had been lost in my own thoughts. My own memories and fears. It is sometimes hard to remember that I am not at home alone all the time. It is hard to remember that the mask I had molded so well for myself has to remain up.

 “What?” I ask.

 Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Class ended ten minutes ago.”

So it has. The room is empty with just me and Vanessa left. Even the teacher is gone. Even though he is technically not supposed to leave before the students. What are you gonna do?

 I didn’t say anything. I just packed up my algebra things and stood, walking out of the room with Vanessa ay my heels. She has been my best friend since the sixth grade when we both got lost in the new maze that was our middle school. Now, five years later, we were still inseparable. Vanessa was the type of person that thought grades were everything. She spent an hour studying every night for two hours before a test. She was already looking at colleges and we were only fifteen years old. Vanessa had been there for me through my mother leaving, my dog’s death, and broken hearts. She was like my sister and I know she felt the same way about me.

“So, what were you thinking about?” She asked me, nudging my shoulder with her own. I tense and casually create some distance between us. I have not done well with people touching me in any way since it happened. In fact, I avoid it at all possible costs, lest it send me back to the prison that was my memories.

Vanessa had a look of hurt on her face, but quickly masked it with a playful smile. “Was it a boy?” it was typical of her to ask such a thing. Vanessa was always thinking about having a boyfriend. She was one of those people who thought romance existed like in the movies or books. I don’t think I could ever think like that. Not after what had happened to me.