Fix me

Chapter 30

Song on the side.............................................................................................................................................................

Chapter 30

There was a certain air surrounding us as we sat at the table that might have been my own fear. Hunter had stayed by my side during most of the introductions until he stepped right up to Jeremy to say hello. Jeremy showed nothing as he smiled and leaned back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest as if this was his. Everything was his.

They talked for a while and Jeremy didn’t look at me once. That didn’t stop me from collapsing like he had.

When my mom announced that dinner was ready, Hunter stepped back towards me and took my hand and I felt safer, but it was only temporary.

My cousin looked at me for the first time that night and it did not help to settle my nerves. His blue eyes violated my body, scanning me all the way down and back up to my fingers entwined with Hunter’s. His expression never changed from that easy smile, but his eyes turned to stone, suffocating me. My blood turned to ice, freezing me as his eyes locked with mine.

A gentle squeeze to my hand. Hunter’s voice, a deep rumble in my ear. “You alright?”

I gripped his hand tighter and turned to face him. “Yes.” I lied. NO NO NO NO.  I wanted to scream it at him. I wanted to yell, “Can’t you see that the answer to the question you have been asking for months has been standing in the room with us this whole time?”

But I didn’t. Because I couldn’t. Not yet.

All of us slowly shuffled into the dining room, eager to eat. My parents had done an impression job of decorating the table with a thin white table cloth with orange and red and brown leaves scattered across it. There was food stretching across the table. Turkey, stuffing, pumpkin seeds, horse radish, corn, rolls, everything was perfect and looked delicious. They had gotten the “good glasses” out of the cabinet that we never used and filled it with wine.

My dad sat at the head of the table like always with mom at his side. Like always. Susan took the seat across from her with Josh following close behind. I lost Hunter’s hand for a moment and I looked around, finding him talking to his uncle a few feet away. “, its fine. It’s done. Just drop it,” I caught Hunter saying in a temperamental tone. “He’s out of my life.”

Lucas’s eyebrows were drawn together and his jaw was tight. They had still obviously not settled the issue with Hunter’s father and I wanted to ask him if everything was okay, but I saw Jeremy walking towards me so quickly that I picked the seat closest to me and sat down next to Josh.

I looked for Hunter again, praying that he would hurry up and come back to me already when a body sat down next to me.

Jeremy didn’t even look at me as he took the seat, but his hand brushed mine under the table and it sent a very clear message. I was still his and nothing was going to change that. Not even Hunter.

I forced myself to contain the scream rising in the back of my throat and locked my knees together. I avoided looking at him, keeping my gaze straight ahead. I saw Hunter glance over at me and then at Jeremy next to me. A look of disappointment passed through his eyes, but was quickly replaced as his aunt called him over to sit by her, right across from me.

It took a moment for everyone to get settled and multiple more moments to pass the food around. The mindless noise of chatter numbed my ears, keeping me sane in a situation that was totally and completely not sane.

I met Hunter’s gaze over the table multiple times and he would smile at me, shrugging his shoulders as of apologizing for the inconvenient sitting arrangements and then went back to his food, only to look back up again a few minutes later.