Kehlani's Pov
1 month time skip
Current Location: Her Apartment
Atlanta, Ga
8:37am
"ok thats good thats really good"she said i nodded we agreed to do solo sessions and sessions together at the couples therapy thing we're slowly getting back there you know we also agreed to go to church together on sundays there was a lot of damage but we're slowly getting there and building the trust we still have small disagreements but we work it over hes at the studio right now and im at my session then later hes coming
"ok so he doesn't like how you well when yall get into arguments you immediately shut down and and go overboard instead of taking some time and talking about the situation"she said i nodded
"so maybe the next time yall are arguing or if you know a argument is gonna happen take some time to sit and express your feelings instead of yelling"she said i nodded
"sometimes it may seem like a argument but you also can just be being defensive when hes giving feedback to you or vice versa so instead try receiving that feedback and breaking it down"she said
"sometimes you cant just not intend to sometimes you need to intend not to"she said i furrowed my eyebrows
"let me break it down being in a relationship means that sometimes we're probably gonna say or do something that either is hurtful or makes our partner feel unimportant its not enough when you say well I didn't mean for that to hurt you of make you feel unimportant once you know that that thing makes him feel that way you also need to intend not to do it often you would say I wasn't thinking it just cane out but the problem is that it keeps happening and while you never intend to hurt your S/O you also never intend not to"she said i nodded
"now he says he feels as if your gaslighting him"she said reading off the paper
"and that sounds bad but just listen"she said i nodded
"now men almost all males grew up on the "if you cry your soft" phrase or "why are you crying your a man" phrase"she said
"so most men grew up with the dont cry phrase so with that they think they have to be so hard and stuck up but once they find that person they tend to show vulnerability so you gotta be vulnerable to see vulnerable you gotta let him know that its a safe space and if he lets out his feelings your gonna be there to listen to him no matter what/where cause sometimes we get it mixed with them telling their feelings and arguing"she said i nodded
"right"i said
"so its best if you know the difference and thats where the calmness comes in when yall are arguing it shouldn't be all the yelling yall should be talking to one another instead of in each others faces"she said i nodded i heard the door open
"well thats all for today keep that advice and ill see you next session"she said i nodded grabbing my purse i got up going to the door it opened and i seen kazimir on his phone
"who you texting"i said leaning over i seen his manager
"i thought you was gone already"he said
"well im leaving now"i said zipping my jacket up
"ill text you when im finished then"he said i nodded he hugged me and i left
Rackzz
Current Location: Couples Therapy
Atlanta, Ga
10:00am
"so i told her this is you gotta be vulnerable to see vulnerable so that means you have to put you guard down in order for her to put her guard down cause in relationships we normally react out of fear when we are afraid that someones gonna expose us someones gonna leave us or reject us or theyre not gonna understand us whether that be our S/O or whoever but in this situation your S/O we act based off of fear"she said
"and so what do we do all of our walls come right up so we either nag or yell or just say hurtful things theres so many things that we do we deflect some of us get avoidance right and like you said she shuts down and she doesn't like to talk about it but all of that is rooted in fear and so what im gonna help you do is get to the point where we understand what that fear is so next session yall are going to practice vulnerability being vulnerable with each other"she said im just here for kehlani thats it I really want this to work cause i really love her
"that is what yall need in order to get to the root of that fear and then from there we can start the healing process and also educating you and teaching you how you best communicate together whether its when having sex to on the phone to texting every relationship is so different and every couple needs something different"she said
"there NEEDS to be a deep connection further than sex you know some couples dont feel connected when they dont have sex regularly"she said im on the go alot so we dont have sex like that but thats not a problem
"some start to feel like they're just buddies it's really hard to have sex when theres alot of stressful things going on in your life or when y'all arent getting along some feel like theyre being punished for not getting along i know you say your on the road alot"she said i nodded
"and to prevent that when on the road face time texting each other it can help keep that connection its good to prioritize each other alot of couples don't prioritize their partner they put work, games, or friends over them HAVE to prioritize them take 1:1 time not 1:2 not 2:1 not 2:3 but 1:1 you have to create distraction some allow technology to get in the way games phones social media it gets in the way of alot they make us feel unimportant sometimes always keep problems between each other no one else"she said that was never a problem
"i told her the same thing being defensive when she gives feedback sometimes we see it as arguing but they're just saying how they feel yk"she said
"validate, connect and receive it"she said i nodded
"yall have a child correct"she said i nodded
"ok i can see sometimes yall are so worked up and worried about the baby yall dont make time for each other taking solo trips together could help or just going on dates or leave the baby with a family member or nany and just spend the day together you know it'll all work"she said i nodded
"well this session is over but keep that advice yall start working on it and ill see yall together next session"she said i nodded leaving out
