Shape of the Sun

Nothing breaks like the heart

Manmeet took in the sight of Rajkumar who was resting against the kitchen doorway, complete with bedhead. He was rubbing his eyes, trying to fight off the sleep that he had just risen from. As she looked at him, she couldn't help blushing, remembering the wonderful memories from the previous night. In her hands were a box of cereal and an unopened tin of milk.

Rajkumar peered down at them, and then up at her. He grinned softly, causing her heart to do flips.

"Good morning, love." She looked like an obedient housewife, especially with that pastel-colored Minnie Mouse apron on.

Her cheeks flushed more deeply at his endearing address for her and Manmeet slyly evaded his hands that reached to hold her when she tried passing through the doorway, and into the living room. Her heart felt so sweet.

But she was the only one feeling that way. Rajkumar wasn't. His hands that had caught nothing seemed to shake him off the earlier slumber. It was like he'd been giving naxolone after a relapse. And he felt very unhappy with himself. What the hell was he doing, perfecting domesticity?

Rajkumar severely scolded himself as he watched Manmeet happily hum as she was setting the table. Sometimes, she'd steal glances at him and he'd nod back, too awkward to do anything else and earning a titter from her. Something about their back and forth irritated Rajkumar and he couldn't help but make his way towards the chair-and-a-half, where he finally sat down. He noticed that the box of CDs had been totally unpacked, and its content now arranged in a neat row in a rack atop the smaller bookshelf, neater than anything that he'd have ever done. And something about it just upset him more.

It wasn't meant to be like this. If Manmeet kept acting like this, everything was going to go to shit. He expected her to know better, instead of stressing him out here. Rajkumar reached for the Rubik cube on the stool beside him and set about on working it, as if that could vent all the unreleased frustration in his heart.

There was a sound of spoon hitting glass coming from the dining table. Manmeet was trying to get his attention.

"Raj, come and have some cereal. Choti has already told me that it was your favorite, so there is no need to lie."

There really was no need, because Rajkumar's appetite flew away at her words. It wasn't the exact content as much as the way she was saying it. He had quickly recognized what had changed that was affecting him. Manmeet was speaking in a way that differed from the usual casual, anyone that listened in on them right now would think they were intimate. Like married couple intimate.

And it honestly baffled the shit out of him. He'd have laughed if it was any person other than him in this situation. Rajkumar thoroughly didn't recall making any promises in the heat of passion, as others might have done. He never made such rookie-level mistakes. And he thought that Manmeet quite understood his stance. Rajkumar didn't like to quibble, and was always straightforward, especially towards himself. Entering a relationship with Manmeet had its pros, especially now that they were expectant, but there were cons that were too risky to attempt. There was his marriage to Anisha along with the motive behind it, as well as other reasons that he'd rather was buried in the past. And it was because he truly respected Manmeet as a person that he kept trying to communicate his thoughts.

Perhaps, he was too vague. Manmeet was countering his expectations and he felt the mental burden of having to come to terms with it, as well as address it. His frustration filtered through his voice.

"I am not hungry." There was no thank you, no sort of acknowledgement, as he'd have usually done. Rajkumar didn't even turn to look at her, his eyes still fixed on the Rubik cube that he was making a mess of.

His curt response made Manmeet very uncomfortable, causing her to subconsciously shift from one foot to the other as she made her way over to the chair and sat down beside him. She frowned at the upset expression that she met on his face. Why was he the upset one, and not her, even after she spent all this effort to prepare breakfast? Was it something that she said? Manmeet nervously bit her lower lip as she prepared to ask him a question.

"Why are you upset? Is there something wrong?"

Rajkumar dropped the cube on the table and took one good look at her face. He wanted to know if she was joking, but she wasn't, from what he could gather. If she was with that uneasy expression on her face, Rajkumar was sure she was a better liar than he was. And Manmeet wasn't.  Coming to terms with this upset him even more, and he would have given it to her straight up, right there, if he didn't remember the time that she cried in her office.

He did, and very clearly too, which made him try to temper his words.

"Look, Manmeet." he began in what he hoped was a level-headed tone, "You are...you are acting weird. I feel very uncomfortable with," he pointed at her and then back to him, "whatever this is. I hoped I did nothing to confuse you. That's all." his voice faltered at her shocked expression, causing him to look away.

Manmeet expression gradually cooled at his words and at this action of his. Even though she had expected some heartbreak, a huge part of her wanted him to disappoint her, a huge part of her wanted him to defeat all her expectations, especially after the way that he had loved her last night.

Sorry, she was the only one who felt love. Rajkumar probably only saw a means to an end, self-satisfaction. Manmeet felt so shattered that her feelings were tethered to such a man. Hurt gave birth to rage, and in a fit, she wanted him to know what she really thought of him.

"You are such a bastard! Spineless coward!"

Needless to say, her raised voice shocked Rajkumar, who thought he was being as understanding as much as possible. Under his gaze, Manmeet rose up and stormed to the dining table where she shoved all the cups and plates of food that she had set up for him, onto the tray, before heading for the kitchen and dumping them into the sink.

For a moment, Rajkumar was stunned at what he thought was uncharacteristic of Manmeet, but that was quickly replaced by anger at what he thought was outright defiance. Okay, everyone now took him as a joke. Just because she was carrying his child, did that mean he had to love her? What a joke! He blamed himself for thinking that she understood how things worked, damn. Rajkumar stood up and sneered at her.

"Whatever you are going through has nothing to do with me, okay? You are not the only one with a temper! Tch."

Afterward, he stormed into his room, slamming the door behind him. Manmeet's deadpan expression slowly crumbled and she brought her hands to her eyes to block the tears that were beginning to fall. She couldn't believe that after all this time, she still fumbled the bag.

While that man was there doing whatever he wanted, she was still here playing the fool. But even though Manmeet didn't want that role anymore, it was too difficult not to shed tears at the understanding that she had held her heart out, but the recipient stared at it and declared it worthless.

And it wasn't that she hadn't seen it coming. She had, but she still stuck her head out, in the end.