Shape of the Sun

The ones to hold close

Rajkumar sighed upon seeing Manmeet still lying in the same position that he had left her in. He had stepped out and downstairs to pick up his shirt from the driver Choti had sent to him. It really went down last night with Manmeet.

Damn, really.

There was no need to leave things like this. And she was awake, he knew. Rajkumar climbed onto the bed, causing her to flinch in reaction, but that didn't stop him. He brushed a loose strand of hair past her bare shoulders and bent to softly kiss the now-exposed spot.

"Manmeet, we need to talk."

But Manmeet didn't want to. And why would she? Just looking at the man was enough to make her feel so useless and tired all at once. Her emotional investment had no returns, and she felt embarrassed just knowing it. The sooner he left, the easier it was to keep these complicated emotions that she felt past her.

Rajkumar took one look at her unyielding back and decided to do something else. He picked up the shirt from where he had placed it beside him and put it on. Rajkumar spoke as he buttoned up.

"If you don't want to see me, that's fine. We will just talk like this then. Manmeet," he looked towards her, "we, whatever this is, is not going to work out."

The tone of finality in his voice made her squirm. Manmeet wanted Rajkumar to fuck off and be honest somewhere else. And she did just that, turning around to glare at him. It seemed that she had made a mistake because as soon, as she did that, Rajkumar swept her into his arms, the sheets flimsily clinging onto her body.

"Let me go this instant, Raj!"

"Manmeet, don't be stubborn. You know I am just being honest with you."

"And I don't want to listen, Raj. Let me remain ignorant."

"Manmeet.."

Rajkumar tightly wrapped his arms around her, forcing her to have no choice but to look at him square in the face.

"Manmeet, I don't want to hurt you." his voice conveyed his sincerity, "I am just not ready for any relationship. And I am sure you don't want any instability in your life, right? Besides Manmeet, you were vulnerable yesterday, so yeah."

He was betting on hopes that Manmeet's reason could still be appealed to at this moment. Rajkumar had woken up early in the morning and thought about Manmeet and last night while she slept. He had concluded that it wasn't worth it to not give her closure. To his credit, he had never thought he'd have so much of an effect on her but Rajkumar also couldn't afford to lose Manmeet Chatterjee. There was so much in her that he admired, as a person and as a professional. If he decided to lose this relationship because of some cheap male pride, Rajkumar would not forgive himself in the future and he knew it. He would always spend his time wondering if his brains had been made of waste paper today.

Fortunately, his efforts were not wasted. Manmeet had spent the time Rajkumar had been out of the room to really think this through. And coupled with his words now, it appeared that she had thought right. Rajkumar had some baggage, and if not here, it was in the UK. And Manmeet knew that his being upfront with her spoke volumes about his respect for her. Was she really going throw everything that she had worked for all these years for something so volatile, something that had only cropped up amidst vulnerability?

Rajkumar watched the subtle changes in her facial expressions and he knew that he had her, if not almost.

"Manmeet, won't you say something? Say anything."

She shrugged.

"What do you want me to say, Raj? That I am okay?" she whispered, "I am not. This is not just going to go away in a day or two."