Shape of the Sun

Despicable me

His harsh words caused the woman to cry louder.

"Raj baby..."

"Don't you even try it. Don't you ever call me baby again, or I would lose my shit, Anisha."

Even now, Rajkumar was doing his utmost to not flare up. He hated this woman so much, harbinger of every bad thing in his life. He hated her more than Prithvi's mother, and that said quite a lot. Or maybe just a little bit less. It would take moving heavens to top that other woman.

Still, both were hated. Period.

Anisha sobbed, his causticity burning her deep. She didn't think that he'd be this angry.

"I'm sorry, Raj. I've texted you so many times that I didn't mean to call you when you were in your work meeting. I didn't know..."

"Exactly. Exactly, Anisha. You never know anything. You are clueless, even to the point of not understanding how hard I work day in and out just to pay all those medical bills you are stacking up. Don't even get me started about the STD scare, Anisha." He said the latter through gritted teeth.

Her voice quivered, tone low.

"Are you going to divorce me, Raj? I'm so sorry...I-I love you so much..."

Rajkumar agitated a fistful of hair. He wanted this to be done as quickly as possible, and an accusatory stance was not the way to go. Anisha listened with bated breath to a sigh from the other end.

"Look, Anisha." he began, "You know I'm not blaming you...stop crying. Stop crying, Anisha."

He waited until she had calmed down a bit, alerting him with a whisper.

"I'm no more crying, Raj."

"That's great, Anisha. Look, I don't blame you. But you must understand that I'm only human." He sat down on the toilet cover, phone still pressed to ear. His feet hurt from all that standing.

"It's hard to talk to my family about you because your father was a criminal. And now that you are sick, it's even harder. Thank goodness it wasn't HIV."

"...Yeah. It was a false positive. It was actually Lyme. Oh Raj, thank goodness it was just Lyme..." She began to cry all over and as Rajkumar listened in, he felt a pang from within, which was quite awkward.

Was it really okay for him to be doing this?

He knew that she wanted some comfort from her husband, but who she was looking for wasn't here. That man who married her out of love didn't exist, at least anyone that he knew. He had married her for thirty million pounds but still, his mouth felt dry, raw just at the thought of telling her all the I love yous and it will be okays that she wanted to hear so badly.

"...Anisha, I have to go out for some work. We should talk later about your treatment."

"Raj, wait!"

"Let's talk later, Anisha."

He quickly terminated the call and dropped the phone onto his lap, watching as the screen darkened. It was eating him up. The guilt of leading Anisha on was just too much. Perhaps, he should tell her the truth, that he had another and a baby on the way?

She would leave, no other choice but to do so. But she'd also take the thirty million pounds with her. He'd be thirty million pounds poorer, worse for wear, and for what? For guilt? Rajkumar shook his head in a bid to clear his thoughts. He couldn't have himself treading this trail, pathetic loser in the making.

Many times in the past, he had made ruthless decisions without caring for anyone else apart from himself. He had been a selfish bastard and he had loved it. So where had that love gone?

There was a faint idea of its whereabouts. Ah. But everything he did was for her and their child? Rajkumar slowly convinced himself that was the truth, no iota of a lie present. Because if he didn't, he would have to face his greed, the by-product of so many years on the road that even Manmeet and their child and her love couldn't lift off.

The greed was ingrained deep into his soul, causing it to bleed red when there wasn't meant to be any. It was already a part of him. Perhaps, it was his first love.

Ha. He was still so despicable. There was still so much work to be done.

"Rajkumar? You okay in there?"

There was a knock on the door, accompanied by Manmeet's voice. He stood up to open the door. Manmeet looked up at his face, concern etched on hers.

"Are you okay, Raj? You were in there for quite some time." She didn't mention that she had been closely monitoring the clock since he left and came when she felt too much time had passed for comfort. Manmeet felt a certain kind of way apart.

Rajkumar asked no questions, fully aware of the look that she had in her eyes and the meaning behind it. It was amazing how his heart felt lighter, just on sight. He pulled her closer by the hand and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek, and then to her neck, and then to a shoulder. Manmeet's breath hitched in her throat, even more as he opened his mouth to speak, the warmth of his breath caressed her skin smooth.

"Let's go home, love. I want to be alone with you where no one can disturb us."

And then there, you'd tell me that you love me, and I would tell you that I love you too. I would hold you tight, my eyes looking into yours, my lips telling you how much you mean to me, how much I could do terrible things and all for you. Perhaps after, I would feel better, but only for a little bit.

There was still so much work to be done.