𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. ʀ. ʟᴜᴘɪɴ

twenty-nine

Evangeline had never been more miserable living alone. 

When she was discharged from the hospital, she didn't bother going to Remus' cottage. 

She walked into her old home, feeling the tears well up in her eyes when she saw that Remus brought her things from his cottage back to her home. 

She limped to the table by the kitchen, sitting down. 

It didn't feel real. Just a week ago she was taking care of Remus being sick and him thanking her a thousand times over for loving him and how he couldn't imagine a life without her. 

And now, she didn't have to imagine anything. 

She got up and slowly walked to her bathroom, flickering on the light. She pulled her pants down gently and peeled back part of the bandage, frowning at the gash. He'd left a mark on her in more than one way. 

What hurt the most was that she couldn't bring herself to hate the gash he left on her, because it was still him one way or another. A constant reminder that she could never be truly angry at him. 

She could never hate him.

Evangeline heard a soft knock at the door. She pulled her pants back up and limped to the door, hoping that it was him. 

She opened the door to see Sirius looking tired and sad. 

"Can I come in?"

She nodded and stepped to the side, watching him walk inside. She shut the door, "have you seen Remus?"

He shook his head, "I know he's back at his cottage, but he hasn't come out. Changed the lock on the door and set up some protection spells to keep me out. Remus, he... he hates hurting people. I think his fear of hurting people ends up doing the most damage."

She sniffled, "he... he just broke up with me. Just like that... didn't even consider talking things through."

"I'm sorry," he sadly said, "he's never opened himself up for a serious relationship because of his condition. When I heard about you I knew you were something special, I can see it. I know he did what he did because he loves you, do you?"

She nodded, "doesn't make it hurt any less. Do you think he'll come around?"

He sighed, "it's hard to say. When he gets down he gets down, and what happened was his worst nightmare. Only Merlin knows how much he's drowning himself in guilt and shame."

"I don't know how to move forward after this. I don't know what to do... I just want to run into his arms and tell him it's okay," she said, leaning against the kitchen counter on her good hip, "it's not his fault, Sirius."

"Unfortunately he doesn't see it that way."

"Does Potter know?"

He nodded, "you can't keep much from that kid."

She drew in a sharp breath, "Sirius, I'm so terrified that he's going to–"

"Stop. He won't," Sirius quickly said, "he wouldn't leave us like that. That much I know."

"I don't know what hurts more, knowing how much he hates himself or how much my heart aches," she said, bringing a hand up to her chest. 

"Do you need a hug?"

More tears fell and she nodded. He walked to her and brought her in for an embrace, rubbing her back lightly as she cried. 

"Remus is trying to look out for you in his own way. I'll try to get through to him, but I can't guarantee anything. Don't try to contact him, just give him some time."

"Okay," she said.

"Everything will be alright."

"I just want him to be alright."

They pulled apart, "you need to look after yourself, Evangeline."

"I'll try."

The next days were some of the worst days  of her life. She had never felt so lonely in her life. She couldn't get Remus out of her no matter how hard she tried, and it took everything in her not to call him or visit his home. 

She felt like her heart was bleeding, which, in a way, it was. 

She hated waking up to a cold bed, hated having no one to cook meals with, she hated being alone. 

The only comfort she could find was curling up in bed wearing his jumper, but it was only a temporary pain reliever.