𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. ʀ. ʟᴜᴘɪɴ

thirty-eight

Evangeline and Remus sat in her bathtub that was full with lavender-scented soap, her back pressed to her front with his arms wrapped around her protectively.

"Thank you," she quietly said, "I really needed that."

"I think we both did."

She laid her head on his shoulder, looking up at him, "what does this mean?"

He sighed and held her a little tighter, "I... I'm trying to get over what I did to you. Trying to work through it. I've been in therapy."

She didn't know that.

"You have?"

He nodded, "I've had a lot of time to think and I'll never forgive myself, but I'm learning to live with myself. It's easier knowing you're not angry about it."

"I'm not," she assured, "I can't stay mad at you, sometimes I wish I could."

"I wish you could stay mad at me as well."

"Remus..."

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, "I can't be with you fully until I've worked out my guilt. I don't want to dangle that in front of you, the possibility of us being together again. It's cruel and I know it's hurting you."

"I can wait."

"You shouldn't."

"I want to. I still love you, Remus. That'll never change," she said.

"You deserve someone better than me."

"Stop saying that. You're the best I'll ever have, I wouldn't be carrying your child if you weren't."

"Our child."

She brought a hand up to his cheek, "why can't you just let me love you? If you keep living out of fear you're not going to live at all."

"I just want you safe. I don't like hurting you," he sadly said. 

"I'm never safer then when I'm with you."

"That's not true."

"Your condition isn't all you are, Rem. You've hurt me more by pushing me away than the attack."

That made his heart break into a million little pieces. He knew she wasn't lying by how she was looking at him. The desperation in her words, how they were laced with pain and longing for him. He would never understand why she loved him the way she did, but he could sure understand why he loved her. 

He dropped a kiss to her temple, "I love you, Evangeline."

She drew in a shaken breath, "can we give us a shot again? Doesn't have to be now, but it would be enough knowing it's a possibility in the future."

"Okay," he whispered against her skin, rubbing his hand over her stomach. 

This was the most content she'd felt in ages. 

"I've also been thinking about names..."

"Have you?"

"Hope."

She felt him tense up behind her. She searched his features for any sort of reaction. 

"Hope? As in..."

"You've told me so many stories about her, it's clear she loved you very much and you did as well. So in spirit of her... I suggest we name our daughter after your mother."

This made him teary eyed, "Evangeline..."

"What do you think?" she asked, wiping a tear away that escaped his right eye. 

He took that hand and kissed it firmly before pressing it against his face, "I think that's a wonderful idea, darling."

She smiled and leant her head up, kissing him softly. 

They pulled apart and she laid her head back against his shoulder, "I could stay like this forever," she whispered. 

The two laid in the bath for some more time in silence, relishing the feeling of being with one another. 

But a knock at the door quickly disturbed their peace. 

"Who the hell is here at this hour?" Evangeline asked. 

"I don't know," Remus said, getting out of the bath before helping Evangeline out. 

He quickly dried off and threw on a pair of pijama pants and a sweater, grumbling when the knocking sounded again. Evangeline stayed in the bedroom, drying her hair and getting dressed. 

She wasn't moving as fast as she use to. 

"Mary?!"

Her ears perked up and she quickly threw on one of Remus' jumpers, pacing out of the bedroom. 

Evangeline saw a taller woman with pale skin and long dark hair dressed in a blue midi dress with small white hearts over it and a cardigan. She had eyebrows to kill for. 

The two embraced one another, "I'm sorry I didn't write back, it was just a lot to process, the idea of coming back."

"I'm incredibly happy you did," Remus said as they pulled apart. He looked at Evangeline, "this is Evangeline."

Mary walked to her, "lovely to meet you."

"You as well. Remus and Sirius have told me much about you," Evangeline answered, shaking Mary's hand. 

She gave Evangeline a weak smile, "they were good friends to me, are good friends."

"I'm glad you've come back, we've been wanting to plan a little shower but we both realized that we don't exactly know too many people well enough to have one."

"I'll gladly help with planning a shower. How far along are you?"

"Five months," Evangeline fondly said, "I know showers aren't supposed to be until later, but since you're here I'd love to throw one together."

"I plan to leave just after Christmas, thought I would maybe catch up with Remus and Sirius, and get to know the girl who's stolen his heart," Mary said, glancing back at Remus kindly. 

He smiled, looking at the ground.

Evangeline could see the sorrow behind Mary's eyes. Remus and Sirius were not exaggerating that whatever happened to Mary crushed her spirit. 

"Have you got a place to stay?" 

"Oh, yes. I'm staying in a hotel not far from here."

"I've got a spare bedroom in my home, if you don't want to be in a hotel for a month..."

Mary shook her head, "no, it's alright. Don't take this the wrong way but I would rather be alone."

"I understand."

Mary let out a small chuckle, "I'm sorry," she said as she looked between the two, "I can't help but feel like I've intruded on something."

"It's alright," Evangeline quickly said, "we are just talking."

"You've both got wet hair..."

"Tea?" Remus asked, shifting the topic. 

"Oh, please," Mary said.

"Sit! Merlin, this is wonderful having you here, Mary. Padfoot is going to be estatic to see you," Remus excitedly said as he moved around in the kitchen. 

Mary sat down and glanced around the cottage, "cozy place you've got here. Are you two living together...?"

Evangeline looked to Remus, "not right now... but we plan on moving in together later."

"Should I call Sirius?"

"I'd rather you not," Mary said as she fiddled with the rings on her fingers, "I'm sorry, it's just... it's a lot being back here. One thing at a time."

"No need to apologize," Evangeline said, "we're happy you're here at all."