My Book of Poems

MBP: It's Always Me

"It's Always Me"

It's always me
Even if I didn't do anything
It's always me
If I keep quiet and don't talk back
It's always me
It seems that I'm always wrong
I don't have the right to speak for myself
I felt I'm not enough, I belittle myself
It's always me, it's always me

If they get disappointed
It's always me
Why it's always me?
Though I don't do anything wrong
It's always me
They only see me for these
But if there's a time of success they forget me
Why it's always me?

There isn't a time they're proud of me
I always disappoint them as I see
Although the lack of others is still on me
Why it's always me?
What did I do wrong to deserve this?
Do I even have the right to feel equality?
Why it's always me?
It's always me

I'm also a human being
I feel discourage for being me
For a lot of pressure they've put on me
I feel the pain of being neglected
I lost the confidence I have before
For it's always me
Why it's always me?
I feel disappointed for I feel I'm useless
I lost the courage to go on
I feel like I want to be alone
I don't want to share my story
I don't want their pity too

I want to rest, I'm tired of all these shits
Let me feel I'm special too
You should be thankful for I'm not a rebel type of person
I hate myself for keeping everything all by myself
But reality slaps me that I don't have anyone I can share
If I share my worries no one wants to listen
They just think I'm seeking for attention
Though I feel pain and tell them they're neglecting it
Reason out it's my fault and they don't care
I feel left out in the darkness
I feel like I'm stuck in a nowhere

I also want to do my best
But my body wants to rest
I'm tired of struggling alone
Have no one I can talked to
I can't let out the pain on me
I just hope that if my time is up
Someone will remember me
Will they remember me?
I don't think so
For I feel I don't have a companion
I want to set myself so free
Let out the stresses I feel

There are times I want to give up
I want to end my life
But I just can't
Since I feel like it's a sin to end my life
For I feel like if I'm gone I can't also achieve the peace I want
The struggle is real, I knew it
Life is like a rough railroad full of unknown possibilities
But all those possibilities can't guarantee happiness
Though people say after the rain there's a rainbow
But why I feel that there's only sorrow
Rain will just cover my pain and allow me to let out my tears
But it can't ease the pain I feel
It can't end the sadness in me