I miss you, I'm sorry - Taylor Swift x OC

(10) I should hate you

2016

[I should hate you by Gracie Abrams]

Katie cried silently and laid there in shame until she fell asleep. It was a miserable experience for them both, especially since Taylor was in her hotel room with no where to go without seeming like a terrible person for screwing a grieving woman and leaving. She knew she should have gotten her own room, if her apartment wasn't under extensive renovations it wouldn't have been a problem to begin with.

Taylor knew she was crying, she could see Katie's chest jump as her body hyperventilated, hear the shaky inhalations. It was heartbreaking for Taylor, who realized that the woman she had slept with was the shell of someone she'd known in her earlier years.

She wondered if maybe it would be different if she hadn't run away when she was outed, if Katie would've stayed with her or if they would have fizzled out. Maybe she could have saved her from the devastating loss. It was easy to say when it meant she didn't have to change now, but regretting the past was never fun.

So Taylor sat quietly while Katie slept under the blanket she covered her in. She took a shower, reflected on the actions of the day. She shouldn't have slept with Kate, she knew that and she did it anyways and now all she had to say for it was the naked woman in the other bed reminding her of the guilt.

In the morning, Katie was dressed and showered early. It was before six when Taylor woke up to the smell of the coffee from the little table in the hallway towards the door. Kate had fallen asleep so early that she was up early, knowing she would crash later in the day.

"What time is it?" Taylor mumbled as she rolled over under the covers.

"You can sleep more," Katie said softly, "I'm gonna go now though, I'll catch up with you another time."

"Okay," Taylor said in response, whether she registered it or not.

She woke up a couple hours later to the smell of stale and cold coffee in the air and Katie's things gone. The actress was already on a flight back to Los Angeles, deciding she needed to go home instead of staying in New York for a couple days as planned.

She didn't like New York anyways.

Katie went to the grocery store before she went home, stopped and picked up the packages she had neglected for a couple months. By the time all was said and done, it was nearly five in the evening and she drew the curtains closed.

She took the stack of cards from the countertop and brought them over to the glass dining room table, sitting in her favourite spot. It faced away from the window, which was something she'd taken comfort in since anyone looking would only see the back of her. She was so high up it didn't matter, the invasion of privacy years before had never let her feel quite comfortable again.

"Alright, Theo," she sighed as she tore the envelope from the top of the pile open, "It's time. Let's see what they say."

She was talking to herself, and she knew she was talking to herself but part of her liked pretending that maybe Theo lingered in spirit. Maybe if she stared at the kitchen chair across from her long enough, her wife would be there.

"Your aunt Beth says you will be so missed and that I should still go to your cousin's graduation... yeah, I'm not going to that and she knows it. Okay, next one is from your brother. Shit, I didn't know he sent one."