Undercover

Chapter 16

Sarah

I replayed the scene over and over my head again. I don't want you I kept hearing in my head. The audacity. I had imagined things differently before I went to the hotel. I thought we could talk it through, but he was so rude and obviously, he did not care about me.

To him, I was just a random hookup.

I didn't care if Henry would be mad at me for wasting our time. I was done with this. I couldn't take it anymore. I should never have said yes to this in the first place. What the hell did I think? That I could actually make a guy like him fall in love with me?

I drove back to the office and walked into Henry's office.

"Gabriel ended things." I said before even closing the door. He put down his pen and stopped whatever he was doing and sighed.

"Why?" He asked and I could see the disappointment in his eyes.

"He says he does not have time anymore. I don't know. I went to talk to him and he made it really clear that he didn't want to continue this." I hated this situation. Two days ago I was bragging about how well it went with him and that I had made progress. This was just embarrassing.

"What happened? I thought you said everything was good?" He asked and leaned back on his chair observing me.

"I don't know. Maybe he got freaked out that we cuddled and he stayed the night." I could not see any other reason why he would end it. I knew that was the real reason. It was getting too personal for him.

"So it's over with him for good then?" Henry asked tapping his finger on the desk. He was not happy about this at all.

"I tried to talk to him about it, but I am afraid it is." I looked down at his name batch on the table trying to calm down my feelings. I at least changed the bugs in his hotel room so they wouldn't die of low battery so we could still hear him for a while longer, but he was never in the room so maybe that was pointless.

"Okay, Sarah. It is what it is. We can't sit and cry over spilled milk. There are some files that need to be checked, I will send them your way." He said and took his pen again and continued with whatever he was doing. That was his way of sending me away.

I walked over to where my desk was located and just sat there with a heavy feeling. I really wanted to scream.

Instead, I ran my hands through my face and leaned back in my chair as I stared at the black screen in front of me. I didn't even know what I should start doing and the last thing I wanted was to do paperwork. I had finally gotten into the field and now I ended up right where I began.

Jesse, Henry's assistant came and dumped a thick stack of papers on my desk. Suddenly I missed working in the café.

I sat for an hour and looked through the first pages of the stack and I just couldn't concentrate. I felt like the words were dancing. I needed coffee.

I went to the little kitchen and put my cup in the coffee machine and waited for it to fill up. Then Jake walked into the kitchen too and we looked at each other without saying a word. He opened the fridge to take something. There was an awkward silence. He closed the fridge after taking some water and walked towards the door and stopped for a second.

"I hope it was worth it." He said without looking at me and I didn't look at him either. Just what I needed. And now I had to see him in the office every goddamn day.

I knew that nobody was blaming me for anything or seeing this as a big failure like me, but I just couldn't help feeling like a loser. I knew these things happen all the time and even worse. Missions go wrong and plans change, but it really was heavy on me. For so many reasons. I ended things with Jake, I compromised my own principles, and the worst thing, I actually enjoyed every bit of it. Too much.

And the fact that it was hurting me the most not to see Gabriel anymore was the main reason I felt bad. It was an indicator of how invested I was in Gabriel and not the mission itself. That was what made me feel like a loser, that I couldn't control my feelings for him.

After sitting for hours with the paperwork, I went home. Henry said I should keep going to my fake place in case Gabriel showed up. I didn't really want to go there, so I ended up wandering around the streets till really late and came home just to sleep. The place reminded me too much of him. Laying in the bed, I kept reminiscing about the previous night when we fell asleep here together. And how the next morning he was gone and then texted me to end things.

Stop thinking about him, your dumbass.

I tried my best to close my eyes and just fall asleep, but the whole night I was just turning in the bed.