What's the Point of Living, when the best is Sleeping? [BL]

Special: Poem of love¹

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Jing Jian's eyes lingered on the boy's cerulean blue eyes, a perfect mirror of the sky above, despite the boy's head being lowered. The image of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's sonnet flashed through his mind, a profound and haunting echo of a love so deep that words could scarcely contain it. Yet, for Jing Jian, the only word that seemed to define what he felt was:

Obsession.

His gaze, as piercing and relentless as a winter storm, remained fixed on the youth, who was now lost in the crowd. To Jing Jian, this wasn't mere attraction; it was an all-consuming fixation, a relentless desire that bordered on madness. It was a love that did not yield to rational thought, that was immune to the notions of freedom or possession.

The poem by Rabindranath Tagore, with its idealistic vision of love as something that "does not claim possession but gives freedom," seemed laughable in the face of Jing Jian's reality. For him, freedom was a concept that seemed utterly foreign. His obsession was not a gentle thing; it was a beast of desire and control, demanding attention and recognition with an insatiable hunger.

His eyes, a cold and clear grey that usually betrayed nothing, were now lit with a reflection of an intense obsession. He watched the blonde youth with an intensity that bordered on desperation. The boy's effortless grace, his natural charm that drew eyes even in a crowd, was a constant reminder of what Jing Jian wanted but couldn't quite grasp.

Jing Jian's fixation had become a relentless force within him, growing stronger with each fleeting interaction. He had counted the days of their encounters, a personal tally of moments that had etched themselves into his consciousness. Each day felt like an eternity, each meeting a bittersweet reminder of how close yet unattainable the boy remained.

The beast inside Jing Jian, a dark, primal force he had worked hard to conceal, was now raging uncontrollably. It snarled and clawed at the edges of his control, a relentless drive that pushed him to the brink of obsession. It was a hunger that could not be sated, a desire that consumed every part of him. He had always prided himself on his self-control, his ability to navigate the complexities of his emotions with precision. But this... this was different. This was an inferno that refused to be extinguished.

Every interaction with the boy was a complex dance, a push and pull of emotions that left Jing Jian both exhilarated and tormented. The boy's presence was a constant source of torment and longing, a reminder of what Jing Jian could never fully possess. The more he watched, the more the obsession grew, intertwining with every thought and feeling.

He found himself reflecting on their moments together, analyzing each glance, each touch, each word. There was a maddening quality to his obsession, a constant replay of interactions in his mind. It was as if every moment was a piece of a puzzle that he was desperate to complete, but the more he tried to fit the pieces together, the more elusive they became.

Jing Jian's thoughts often wandered to the boy's aura, the way he seemed to effortlessly draw attention and affection. It was both fascinating and maddening, a perfect storm of qualities that drove Jing Jian to the edge. The boy was a mystery, an enigma wrapped in charm, and Jing Jian's obsession with him was a consuming fire that burned through his every waking moment.

The beast inside him was not just a metaphor; it was a living, breathing entity that thrived on the chase, on the pursuit of something unattainable. It was a force that pushed him to the brink of his sanity, that demanded more than he could give. The boy had become the focal point of his existence, the center of a universe that revolved around his every move.

In the quiet moments, when Jing Jian was alone with his thoughts, the obsession became almost unbearable. He would sit in silence, the weight of his emotions pressing down on him, a constant reminder of how deeply he was consumed. It was a love that bordered on madness, a fixation that left him questioning his own sanity.

The days stretched on, each one marked by the boy's presence in his life. The encounters were infrequent but intense, each one adding to the growing fire of his obsession. And as he stood amidst the crowd, watching the boy with an intensity that bordered on desperation, Jing Jian knew that this was more than just a fleeting infatuation. It was a consuming, all-encompassing force that would define him for as long as he allowed it to.

The boy, with his effortless grace and unspoken allure, had become an integral part of Jing Jian's existence. His obsession was a reflection of his deepest desires and fears, a testament to the lengths he would go to possess what seemed forever out of reach. And as the beast within him continued to roar and writhe, Jing Jian knew that this was only the beginning of a journey that would test the limits of his control and his heart.