Trapping His Monster

39. Trapping His Monster...Or Not (epilogue)

"Some lose all mind and become soul: insane. Some lose all soul and become mind: intellectual. Some lose both and become accepted." 

― Charles Bukowski

5 months later

It took a while for Derek to agree to the divorce. I constantly reminded the prison to make sure he knew I wasn't going to wait for him to make his decision. I was willing to do anything to finalize our separation. Théo deserved a life away from him. He'll grow up to know his father was a sociopath. Maybe it will hurt him in some way, but at least he'll have the opportunity to grow up in a healthy environment.

In the four months it took me to release my last album, my career was looking at its end. I was able to get through a small tour, but no one wanted to hear my songs anymore. I wasn't complaining. I needed the rest. My kids needed me as their mother. When the anniversary of my kidnapping came around, I got a daily reminder of my failures. Yet, that came with a plethora of surprises.

I had been tempted, for the longest, to quit my job as an attorney. Everyone was happy to have me back, but I wasn't particularly fond of the attention I was getting. Jacobi and I began coming up with excuses to not be invited to parties. I finally understood why he did it in the past. When you're surrounded by these people every day, you're not willing to spend more time with them outside of work.

"Look, I know you said you didn't want to see him again, but I thought you'd want to hear it from him."

"I can't, Josephine. I'm not going back to him."

"Come on! He agreed to go back to that institution to get better for you. Give him one more chance."

"He tricked everyone last time. He'll only cause trouble once he's out."

"Fine. I won't bother you about that anymore. Just think about it. Derek hasn't seen you in months. You're no longer all over the news. He just wants to see how you're doing."

"Great. Without him. He's never going to see Théo again, so if this is an attempt to get me to bring him, he can forget about it."

Derek did end up agreeing to get help as part of our divorce agreement. He promised to make a full recovery, but I didn't believe him. I visited him every so often, then I didn't. I hated making a trip upstate every other week. It was taking a toll on my health, my car, and my kids. They didn't care about him like I had.

"He said it was important. You know he thinks everything isn't important."

"Josephine, I love you, but I refuse to see him. He can talk to my lawyer, if it's that important."

"It's a personal thing. It's not anything your lawyer would feel comfortable relaying back to you."

"...Fine. When does he want to see me? I'm busy this week."

"Today. If you're not doing anything."

I looked at my watch and sighed. Today was literally the only day I was free to do anything. I didn't want to go see that man, but he was giving me no choice. If I didn't go today, he was going to keep sending Josephine my way. He could have told her about it and had her tell me. He was really being difficult.

"Ugh, I'll swing by in an hour. I have to pick up the kids from camp."

"Awesome. I hope it goes well."

I do, too.

He must have had them take him back to Sing Sing. That was the only way he ever got me to visit him after he started getting real mental care. I refused to commute to Massachusetts at his beck and call. It's like he never learned how to respect people's lives. It's a wonder he hasn't found out where I live.