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Chapter 20

How should you act when you find out that your mother was the one destroying your own home for months?

How should you act when she's planning to massacre 9ft tall blue living creatures including you?

How should you act when your deceased mother turned out to be alive?

Honestly, I don't know what I should do. I was never prepared for something like this. I've seen her died and fell. It never occured to me that she's still alive for all those years I thought she's hundred feet underwater.

What's even worse? Is I can't even tell it to anyone except for Neteyam. Like I said, I'm not prepared. What if it's not true? Am I even allowed to betray her even though I knew she left me here to live alone for ten years?

And what's even worst, is I feel guilty because as the time I spend protecting my mother by staying quiet, the more I realize how I betray the clan. Betray them when I'm finally earning their trust.

"Enid, my mother wanted to give you a gift." Tsireya approached me when I'm about to enter the lab to prepare myself to guiding the workers to where they would put the net.

"What is it?" I asked her but I can't look directly in her eyes, not when it's just fresh to me the knowledge of my mother doing all of these chaos.

She gave me something wrapped in leaves with shell on top of it. I didn't wait for her to respond, instead, I opened it and revealed what's inside. My jaw dropped.

"Your clothing?"

She smiled at me sweetly. "Mother said she sees you as one of us now. She said that's the way of the clan accepting you." she excitedly took my hand. "You're one of us now, Enid. I'm so happy that we don't have to hide our friendship anymore."

I am happy too. Only if I didn't know what I found out yesterday.

I want to give it back but I don't think it's an option I can choose and there's something telling me to accept it despite the fact that I'm betraying them. How selfish I am right?

But I have to admit that wearing this first was uncomfortable but once I got used to it, it was much more easier to move than the sky people's one.

Days have passed and everyone is in much more chaos now. Other villages have been ordered to come here and helped to build the boundaries as much as possible. Many sea creatures have been infected and killed other animals, occasionally harm other na'vis. They had to be more careful in doing their job.

Getting food became a struggle for everyone because they have to cross the boundaries first to hunt unaware that there might be wild animals to attack them.

The kids get to have mandatory training on fighting from warriors in the clan to prepare them from the possible war. And that includes Neteyam, Lo'ak, and Ao'nung.

Norm and I have been tracing the chemical and as well as finding cure for the infected animals, which we haven't succeeded yet. The forest is under high security especially the soul tree inside which turns out that the mineral below it is the sky people's target.

If there is one good news about everything, it's the fact that they haven't made any move yet after trespassing our lab without Norm knowing.

I have been working my ass out for many reasons: guilt, entertainment, and of course to put an end to this. Sometimes I forget to eat which was embarrassing because Neteyam would feed me when he finds out about it even when he's busy with his own job. I don't even know how he knows.

"Stop your job for a while. You got to eat first, Enid." Neteyam said when he entered the lab one night. His face has paint all over and I could see the sweats. He put two wrapped foods infront of me on the table. "One for your Na'vi body, one for your human's."

I growled at him. "Those were your foods again, weren't they?" I put down the syringe I used to inject an infected animal.

"You need to eat, you're using too much energy."

"You're using it too as much as I do. You can't always give yours to me. As far as I'm concerned, you're using physical strength." I pushed them towards his direction.

"Please, keep it. I'm not hungry. There's no extra food out there, tomorrow will be the next hunt for the clan." he begged and pushed it back.

I sighed. I know I can't change his mind but there's no way I'm going to let this pass. "Fine, how about we part it equally? I'm gonna save for my human body and we'll eat the rest together?"

"Enid, no--"

"Neteyam, please." I looked at him directly in the eyes trying to get his sympathy. "I also want to eat with you. Is that too much to ask?"

Finally, his eyes soften. I saw him gulped and took a big chair to sit beside me. "Fine."

We did what I said. Although it was against for me but we parted them into three parts. After that, we ate quietly. After everything that happened, we haven't had our normal conversation lately. Except that we are coming to a possible war, we only get to have small amount of time before we come back to our own jobs.

A soldier and a healer. Definitely opposite.

"Are you doing fine? You know, after what you found out?" Neteyam asked after few minutes of silence. He didn't look at me, his eyes stayed on his empty plate.

I felt my heart clenched. "My deceased mother being a the war leader? Definitely not."

His eyes shifted to me and analyzed my face. "I hope you do not feel that it's your fault, Enid."

I looked at him but immediately took it back to look at my plate. "I don't know." I whispered.

We stayed solemn but I could feel his eyes on me, not even taking it away for a second. Suddenly, he moved and I felt his head rested on my shoulder, looking down.

"It's not your fault, Enid. You didn't know. You've got nothing to do with all of this. Your heart is pure and your intention is clear. I know you. I see you." he recited. I don't how he can do that. Saying the same thing over again but in different words. Different phrases, similar message, similar effect to me.

He stayed there resting on my shoulder when he took my hands and played with it. Making me remember how he would play with it with my human's hand.

"I know everything is tiring for you, but you have to hold a little longer. Don't lose hope. We'll make it through this with strong hearts."

I stayed quiet. I don't know what to say to him. I just want to hear his voice alone after hours of working. He's soothing me.

He rose his head and met my eyes. He looked at me intently. Suddenly, he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine. "I miss you, Enid." he breathed and I pulled mine, shocked at the effect of those three words to me. I suddenly felt all his tiredness. His strength letting go that finally trusted someone to rest on.

How can he gives me the treatment with consistency like everyday is our first meeting? I can't even reciprocate his feelings. I feel bad.

"Hey Enid!" we heard Norm's voice from the other room and we separated from each other hastily. "I think one of the cure worked!"

Neteyam and I looked at each other then gave each other a hopeful smile before we finally rushed to get to where Norm is.

There is hope, just have to keep a strong heart.