I died and woke up in an otome game (BL)

Chapter 60 : A look into the future

my author's notes for this chapter are just... I was so chipper two years ago. Like, less depressed or some shit. Seventeen-year-old me was happy. And clearly the over a year I didn't touch this, and completely forgot future plot shows, because I don't know any of the shit she's talking about, plot wise. Honeslty, I'm so out of touch with his novel of mine. This is the first I really wrote, you know. The first I published. The first that got more than a few chapter and then abandoned. this one got 80 before life made it so that I was no longer interest in this pet project of mine. I'm trying to gain by that love I had for this, because it's not bad... it's not good, and is certainly morally grey, and my tastes have changed, and my writing style is a little different, but it's not bad. 

Also, I loathe with my entire being  this plot in this chapter, because wtf me we clearly had a different idea for this mans, but I also see what younger me was doing... I'm a fucking mastermind, but like... Benny-boo is NOT the final ML, and he's honestly very toxic and manipulative, and it doesn't show yet... and Antonio is fucking clueless. Intricate writing, me. 

Many things had happened to me over my lifetimes.

I was raised by my mothers in one life, only to lose them early on and suffer untold horrors with my birth father and his family before coming to this world. Living this life.

The goddess gifted me much but also ruined me in ways we both couldn't foresee.

It seems that no matter how much she interferes bad luck follows me like a grim, slowly driving me to insanity, suffocating me.

I gained much in this life; I had Sheri and Irene back. I lived in a relatively wealthy family. I was a Goddess chosen. I...fell in love. Once. Twice..

I also lost so much; Drake, my first love. My little brother, Judas. My best friend.

I lost Sheri...and then did a crazy necromancy ritual to get her back that went horribly wrong...From one perspective...to be fair, Irene and I were past mentally saving at that point...We got her back in the end...Even if I had to spend eleven months in a different dimension with an imprisoned and possessive Alpha that slowly made me fall in love with him over the course of four and a half years.

Semantics.

I went on adventures and experience a life I couldn't have in my previous world.

But there was something I never expected to happen no matter what world I was in.

I got pregnant. At nineteen.

I could totally get a reality tv show on TLC: "The boy who got pregnant gave birth to triplets after giving his heart and soul to a false god who seemed to love him" Would be the title. But that's a spoiler...This is a glimpse I wish I had as an impressionable fourteen-year-old mourning the loss of my first true love.

something that a few years ago would've seemed utterly impossible and completely improbable. Something that damn Aphrite should have told me after I entered this world. Or even once puberty started. The "talk" wasn't something I wanted, ever, but if I had known allowing him to... penetrate me and leave his seed behind in me, I could potentially get pregnant, I wouldn't have let him take me.

So I got my heat, and then in my time of need, when I was very vulnerable; he was there. Ready to help. So I let him, thinking that after chasing me for the better part of five years, he was trustworthy enough to earn my love, and therefore was safe to entrust my virginity to.

And so, I laid with him, thinking it was a romantic start to a relationship that would lead to that perfect life I so wanted. A future with a wonderful marriage and a full house.

So I gave him my first time, and then, at nineteen years old, I was pregnant.

Great.

This is great, goddess.

Just what I needed.

And, Ben. Goddess, BEN! Benny-ben-boo! what was he to think? would he be happy, ecstatic? or would he be horrified, repulsed. Would he want this baby? or babies? Surely he had known there was a chance of this happened. He had been giving me looks right after, but I just assumed he was being his weird stalker self!!

Damnit, Benedictis!

Oh, goddess, what am I to do?

Do I tell him?

I should tell him. Right?

I, of course, being the mama's boy I am, ran straight for Irene and Sheri.

After congratulating me on my unexpected out-of-wedlock pregnancy they asked who the father was.

"I-it's Ben..." I had said.

"Have you told him?" Sheri asked.

"Do you think I should?"

"Of course you should! He's the father of your child for goddess sake!" Sheri had said before getting elbowed by Irene.

"I think...that if you don't want to tell him, it's your choice. However, sweetie, I think it would be wise to tell him. I believe you two were serious enough for this to happen, which means he must love you, and you have to admit for this to happen, he must have planned it." Irene said after clearing her throat.

"That's right! that stalker has been stalking you since you were fifteen years old! After four years of wearing you down and professing his love, I'm sure this would just be a blessing gifted by the goddess herself!" Sheri assured me.

Okay.

I can do this.

So I told him...

And now I have triplets, past me.

Goddess, future baby-pope; Why did no one tell me that life is this hard? Like, it was horrible, on earth, but it's so...complicated in this world.

Oh well. At least I have five years before I give in to the small, itching urges I gained after kissing Benedictis that first time. Before I loved him...Before he broke me...I did love him, after all...even if in the end, he didn't love me.

But that's another story.