Renaissance

1. The final time

Y/n POV
Surprisingly everything was going well at my concert in the big jazz club of my hometown. Despite being totally nerve wrecked before going on stage I now felt really calm. Hitting the first note of 'April in Paris' the room fell completely silent. No one dared to breath and all you could hear was my nervously shaking voice and the soft tunes of the jazz grand piano. While singing the first verse I imagined myself standing all by myself in my shower at home. And all the audience, the band and even the club itself disappeared into nothingness. Leaving only me and the music behind. 

As the song came to an end, I took a deep breath. I looked at my fellow band mates, sensing that they must have felt it too. That change. That shift in the atmosphere. There was just something in the air of this old shabby club. Something, that made us perform like it was our final time together on stage. We performed some more songs by Ella Fitzgerald and other jazz icons. By the end of the small gig the air was electrifying. As soon as the host of the open mic session, the club owner himself, cut through the deafening silence the ban was broken. The band and I bowed to the audience and dashed off the stage into the small backstage room.  

'Holy sh**, that was insane! I think that was one of our best versions of that set ever!', Sam exclaimed.

'For real, I had goose bumps all over', agreed Tyler.

Downing my water bottle all at once I let myself plop down on the old yellow satin couch next to our saxophonist Adrian. 

'Look at those two cute idiots...', Adrian whispered lovingly. Mimicking Sam's excited face, he turned to you.

'Yeah, like two kids in a candy shop. Right after their aunt told them they could get whatever they want.', you answered, 'but this performance was actually surreal tho.'. 

Adrian nodded. 'I didn't see your fiancé in there... I thought you said that she would be there... You know, to support you and all that stuff.', he mentioned very carefully. 

'Yeah, maybe she got caught up in work again or...', I was cut off by a phone ringing. My phone. 

That damn ringing sound startled me from my sleep. But as soon as I opened my eyes it was gone. 

Back then I didn't know that this would actually be my last performance for a very long time. I don't remember much after that. The only thing I can remember is that phone call. That phone call that changed my whole life. That took away every piece of love I had ever felt in life. That phone call which informed me some drunken driver just took my whole joy out of my life...my soulmate and fiancé Ada. Even now I can feel the guilt weighting down my shoulders because this was all my fault. If I hadn't been so persistent on wanting her to come to my concert... If I hadn't been so eager to show her my performance... she would have stayed at home. She would still be alive and by my side. 

But throughout the years I've managed to lock that guilt away behind strong bars of cold bleakness. However, it still haunts me in my dreams, nearly every freakin' night. Unsurprisingly, tonight was not an exception. Lying awake in my bed I looked at my phone... '4 am, perfect... just perfect.' It was a good thing that today was Sunday as I wouldn't have to go to school. Don't get me wrong I love teaching elementary schoolers but even my sleep deprived a** needs a minimum of sleep to function. 

Since falling asleep again was very unlikely I got up and eventually settled on the living room couch. Putting on my favorite kdrama my mind kept wandering away to her. So I tried that thing, that my old therapist recommended: Finding things in life that I am happy and grateful about.

 'I'm alive. I have a stable job as a teacher, and I am living in the city of my dreams: Seoul. Yes, I kinda had to leave my family and friends behind in my hometown, but it would have been too painful to stay after all ... Eh right, positive things. I have found a new friend here: Jackson. He is a very well-known gallerist in Seoul.' 

This felt not very encouraging to me, but I am getting there. It's all about trusting the process, right?! Ever since I moved to Seoul this constant feeling of emptiness had started to diminish. Don't get me wrong it still hurts like hell. When Ada died, she took away a piece of my soul that belonged to her as my soulmate. What remained was only these painful memories and the soulmate tattoo of her initials on my wrist, now crossed out in red.

A/N: When your soulmate dies the soulmate tattoo is automatically crossed out in red. Imagine soulmate initials in black crossed out with red ink on top.

Looking at the time I found it to be already 6 am so I got up and started my daily routine of making myself breakfast. Nothing special just some sandwiches and coffee. I stepped out on my balcony, enjoying the view of Seoul at the early hours.

While I sipped on my coffee, I contemplated what I should do today. 'Given the early time I should probably enjoy an empty gym while it lasts... So, hitting the gym first, I guess.' I groaned remembering the assignment I had to grade until tomorrow. 'So, I guess grading the assignment second, maybe I should at least treat myself to some cake and good coffee at a cute little Cafe nearby', I thought loudly. With little to no motivation I tore my gaze away from Seoul's skyline and shoved myself into the shower to get ready for this stupid day. 

I entered the empty gym going straight for my usual treadmill spot in front of the huge windows. While I started walking, I put my earphones in. Although I stopped making music, I still found myself mentally relax into the beat of 'Spring day' by BTS. My body was now in a full motion run but my mind on the other hand was completely still. When I first entered this gym I immediately felt a pull towards this spot. As always, while speeding up my pace, I watched the reflexion of the clouds passing by on the tinted windows of the building on the opposite side of the already busy street... 'maybe this day won't be as bad as expected'. 

After I finished my workout, I went home and took a long warm shower. I know I could have showered at the gym, but I would hands down always prefer my own shower over the shower facilities of a public gym. Just the thought of it makes me want to shower again right now. 

As soon as I put on decent clothes I glided down on my couch. I knew that lazing around now was probably not a good idea, because it was always very difficult pulling myself out of couch-potato-mood, but it was too late now right?   

A/N: Helluu guys I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. This is only the beginning. I wanted you to get to know Y/n without an introduction, I always like that better in ffs. I have a lot of stuff planned out for this story, so be excited for the next update. Leave a comment & vote if you want 💜 take good care!