Hard Times

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Lottie and Lando had been in an official relationship now for 3 months. They'd spent as much time as they could in between races as Lottie had to work and therefore couldn't travel to every race. In this time Lottie had been introduced to Lando's friends and Lando had officially been introduced to Lottie's. Last time Lando saw Jess he had his pants down to his ankles but after a while the awkwardness went and they got on well. 

Lottie had the week off so was planning to go to the Belgium GP with Lando. He was excited as Spa was his favourite track. They had flown in on the Tuesday as Lando needed to film some content for a sponsor before the race weekend began. Lando's family were planning to travel to the GP too as Cisca was from Belgium. Whilst Lando was filming the content, Lottie had decided to head out and see some of the sights instead of sitting in the hotel room.  She had stumbled on a beautiful waterfall, she had picked up some food from a local café and sat reading a book on a picnic bench at the side of the waterfall. It was busy but at the same time peaceful, Lottie loved been outdoors and just enjoying the sound of nature. The water crashing on the rocks, the children running around laughing, the birds tweeting, the slight rustle of the trees from the warm breeze. 

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The time flew by and Lottie was 3 quarters the way through her book. She checked the time and saw that it was almost 4pm, Lando was due back with his family at 5. They were all planning to go for a meal. She put the book in her bag, threw her rubbish in the bin and left the waterfall, gazing back one last time to have the scenery fixed as a memory in her mind. She walked the cobble streets back to the hotel, deciding to call Maggie to have a talk. 

"Hi Mags"
"Lottie, I wondered when you would call" 
"I know, I just needed time to process everything before giving you a call" 
Lottie sits down on a bench, a few people were around but no one would recognise her so she was prepared to have the difficult conversation with Mags. 
"Well all that matters is you've called and you've almost got through this day. How are you feeling?" 
"I feel ok Maggie, today is always tough for me. For so many reasons but at the same time I feel happy. I'm in such a beautiful place with Lando. I couldn't imagine all those years ago this is where I would be on this date"
"Lottie you've overcome so much no one would be mad at you for been sad and happy"
"I know. It's just hard to not think about what could of been"
"Lottie, I'm going to get you to say it."
"Mags I-I"
"Go on, I think you need to hear it too" 
"Ok. I'm Lottie and on the 24th August 2018 I survived and I'm a fighter." 
That was something Maggie would have her say every year since that day. It was the day Lottie climbed on that bridge and was ready to say goodbye, but she didn't. 
"That's my girl. You are doing so well. I'm so proud of you. I know Lily will be looking down proud of how far you have come. Don't forget that"
"Thanks Mags, I don't know what I would do without you." Lottie wipes the tears away from her eyes. 
"Does Lando know what today is?" 
"No, he obviously knows about my past but he never asked what date it actually was. I will tell him after this weekend. His family are coming and we are going for a meal and I really don't want to ruin this moment" 
"I'm sure he will understand but I understand why you wouldn't want to tell him. You're going to be surrounded by love and I'm sure you're going to have a good time."
"I best head back, they are actually due in the next half hour. I promise we will catch up when we are back" 
"Ok. Love you Lottie"
"Love you Mags" 
The call ends, Lottie composes herself taking a deep breath, wiping the tears from her eyes and then carrying on walking back to the hotel. Lottie had come so far from that night, it sometimes was tough. She still had bad days, recovery would be a lifelong thing. She still had days she didn't want to get up or speak to anyone. The dark thoughts she sometimes had she put to the back of her mind using her coping mechanisms of running and reading to keep her occupied. Most of all she was disappointed with herself that she attempted to do something like that, she should be strong and positive but a part of her that day and other days couldn't be the person everyone else saw. 

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