Secret Son / Bang Chan

Part 21

It took me a couple of weeks to work up the nerve to tell Felix about Chan and I. I felt horrible, I didn't want to have to break his heart and risk losing my best friend, but this was something important, and I had learned my lesson about keeping secrets. 

"Thank you for meeting me."  I spoke to the man across from me. Felix's schedule had picked up recently, with him having more modeling contracts and preparing to do some background acting for long running TV shows, so it was a bit harder for us to find time to sit and have a conversation about everything.

He smiled before taking another sip of his latte:

"I think I know what this is about."

"You do?"

"I assume you have made your decision?"

I felt my body tense:

"Yes. I have."

"And?"

Here it goes.

"Chan and I are back together." 

He was silent for a moment, his shoulders dropping and a sad smile crossing his face while he nodded. My stomach dropped as he looked at me, there where tears in his eyes, but despite it he was still smiling.

"I figured this was going to happen, but I had to try anyways."

"Felix I'm sorry, truly I am, but one day you are going to find someone who is able to give you all the love you give to them in return. You're such an amazing person and I don't want to lose you over this."

Felix grabbed my hand from across the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Of course you won't. In my mind, you and Chan have always been together, even when you weren't, I would never throw away our friendship over something like this. It's your choice and if he makes you happy and he's good to you and to Grey, that's all I can ask for."

It took everything in me not to break down crying, because at that moment I knew, I truly did not deserve Felix and how good he is.

Felix and I decided that it would be best if we spent some time apart, for him to deal with his feelings. I felt guilty about how I've made him feel but Felix kept trying to reassure me that his feelings were not my responsibility.

Chan, of course, noticed that somethings was wrong, but because I was adamant that I didn't want to talk about it at the moment, he gave up but still told me to come to him with it when I was ready. I'm not sure why I hadn't told him, but one theory was that I was too ashamed. Logically, I shouldn't be ashamed, just because someone has feelings for you doesn't mean you're obligated to reciprocate them, but that's easier said than done, because Felix means a lot to me, and hurting him makes me feel like shit.

And because misery loves company, things get worse:

It was a rare day where I was completely by myself. I had the day off work, Grey was at preschool, and Chan had promised to pick him up on his way home from work that afternoon. I had just put lunch on the stove and watch some tv while it cooked. It was by all accounts a normal day, until the door bell rang.

I opened the door without looking to see who was on the other side:

"We need to talk." Sana hissed at me.

I don't know what compelled me to let her in almost immediately. Perhaps I didn't want her to make a scene in the hallway where all my neighbors could potentially see, but, more likely than that, it's my guilt.

This entire situation has hurt several people. It's easy to say that one shouldn't be bothered by the opinions of other people, but that, is easier said than done.