Our Love

❃ 14 ❃

I stared at my phone that had zero notifications on the screen and I felt stupid because I continued to hope that Hamin would reach out despite two months passing by.

Anyone in their right mind would have given up and moved on, but I can't seem to.

"Still nothing from him?" Asked Somang and I shook my head.

"I'm a fool aren't I? I keep hoping for something that won't happen."

She lightly shook her head and firmly said, "I think it's because your feelings haven't changed and you believe his haven't either. You have hope that he will come back and it could happen. After all, you're the only one who knows him better than anyone else."

"Yeah, I do," I sadly responded.

His silence truly made me feel like I'm forgettable yet I can't seem to forget him.

Hamin has been living his life while I have been idiotically waiting for him. It's hopeless of me to continue waiting for him when enough time has passed and I do not want to live the rest of my life waiting nor wasting my time.

I lightly sighed as I stared at my reflection through the phone screen with pitiful eyes. Time will continue to pass with or without him and I need to start living without him plaguing my mind.

"I still believe he broke things off for the sake of his brother, but what if I was wrong this entire time? What if he truly doesn't like me anymore?" I asked myself with my heart sinking ever so slowly as I stared at my average appearance.

"That's not true. I'm sure he does," she reassured me as she placed a hand on my shoulder and began to gently rub my shoulder for a few seconds.

"Regardless if he does or not, this is just too cruel! He acts as if I never existed in his life! I wish these feelings would just disappear!" I cried out all while lightly hitting my chest with my fist before I roughy clutched my shirt with tear drops falling down my face.

"Oh (Y/n), don't say that." Somang pulled me into an embrace and softly rubbed my back as she allowed me to pour my heart out and in between sobs, I choked out, "I'm... going to... get over him... I'll forget about him."

'Maybe I wasn't as special as he was to me.'

As I stayed in her arms, someone had intentionally walked by and saw the way the tears rapidly plummeted down my face.

Hamin felt his heart clench at the sight of me crying and he felt disgusted with himself for the way he handled things with me.

Disgust is not the only feeling he was experiencing. My absence caused a wave of darkness to wash over him with a whirlwind of emotions running rampant in his mind and heart.

Regret

Loneliness

Self hatred

Uncertainty

Loss

Helplessness

An awful feeling rose up his throat and he covered his mouth for a split second before running down the hall and vomited into a large trash bin. He heaved as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"How much longer can I keep this up?" He whispered to himself.

~After School~

I patiently waited outside the school gates with a determined expression.

"I've cried enough. This is the last time and I'll let him go," I muttered as I waited for Hamin to walk out.

He was called in by our teachers and most likely to help with something, but ten minutes had gone by before I saw him pop up.

"Hamin." I quickly walked up to him and stood in front of him. "I won't take much of your time. I'm sure you're tired of seeing me, but I need to ask you this one more time."

"What is it?" He asked although he already knew what I was going to say.

"I want to give myself some peace and truly be done with you. I wanted to fight for you and for us. I wanted to always be there for you, but it's tiring to do when the other person doesn't acknowledge you nor reciprocate the same feelings and effort. I can't force a relationship, but I want to know, do you truly not like me? Do you want me to stay in your life or disappear?"

"I..." started off Hamin, but felt a chill run down his spine as he recalled what his mom said.

"We agreed that we would let Jaemin do whatever he wants as long as you did as you were told. Right?"

Hamin bit the inside of his cheek and clenched his fists as he refrained himself from reaching out his hand to feel the warmth of my touch.

He desperately wanted to reach for the light, but the darkness clung to him and drowned him as he struggled to stay afloat with no one to save him.

"I don't," he murmured.

A saddened expression etched itself on my face as I averted my eyes away from him.

"I guess I saw that coming already, but....would you like to stay as friends?" I hesitantly suggested with my hand out, but he didn't accept my hand and left me hanging there.

"Right, sorry. I guess it would be uncomfortable to be friends with an ex," I lightly chuckled as I met his eyes.

We would never be able to return to how we once were

"Well, I hope you take care of yourself and I guess I'll see you around," I lightly smiled and gave him a wave goodbye as I turned on my heel without sparing him one last glance.

But if I had turned around, I would have seen Hamin forlornly gazing at me with a tear slipping from his eye as he mustered up the strength to not fall apart right there and then.

'I lost you.'