freedom ;; xdinary heroes

eight

jjunnie
> are you awake?

Jungsu frowned, picking his phone up from beside him on the desk and opening Kakao Talk. A smile came on his face, seeing the nickname that only had given to Hyeongjun. To be fair, he considered Hyeongjun to be his best friend amongst his friend group at the skate park, so of course, he gave him affectionate nicknames.

jungsuyah
> yeah, why?
> something on your mind?

jjunnie
> yes, actually
> and seungmin won't leave me alone unless i tell you

jungsuyah
> oh, would it be okay to say over kakao?
> if it's something that really bothers you, wouldn't you want to say it in person?

jjunnie
> yeah, actually...
> think you could meet me on the bridge?

jungsuyah
> my parents might scold me, but yeah
> i'll tell them i'm taking a walk to clear my head

jjunnie
> mentally prepare yourself.

jungsuyah
> ???

Hyeongjun left him on read, causing Jungsu to frown. He shook his head, putting his phone into his pocket, standing up from his desk. He put a scarf around his neck, realising that it would be rather cold out. He walked downstairs, seeing his mother on her phone. "Mom, I'm taking a walk. I'll be back soon."

"Be careful. Keep your phone on you."

•

Hyeongjun was nervous, clasping his hands in front of him as he waited for Jungsu to show up. His heart was thumping wildly in his chest - he thought he had prepared himself, but as he sent Jungsu that last message, his mentality shattered almost completely. He wanted to cancel the meet-up out of sheer panic, but by the time he considered it, it was too late.

"Aren't you cold?"

Jungsu arrived near him, stopping a few metres away to wave his hand. Hyeongjun shook his head. "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"I'll always worry about you, Jun-ah. You don't take care of yourself. You'd be lost without me."

Hyeongjun looked at the other, unable to even concentrate. Jungsu stepped closer, standing just beside him and looking down at the small flowing stream below them under the bridge. "Uhm... I heard you went on a date yesterday..."

Jungsu nodded, a proud smile on his lips. "I managed to tell Jiseok my feelings, and we went on our first date. We didn't make anything official, though, because he didn't even get a chance to know me. I'm sure about my heart, though."

"Oh... so you really like him, h-huh?"

Jungsu looked over at Hyeongjun, frowning slightly. Hyeongjun kept his eyes on the flowing water below them, falling silent. Jungsu nodded slightly, but could barely concentrate on the conversation at hand. "Hyeongjun, are you cryi-"

"Jungsu, we've been best friends for, what, nine years?" Hyeongjun asked suddenly, looking up at the other finally. "I thought I'd be on my own for a long time. I was... always a loner, all by myself. Then you just... took me by the hand and told me we'll be best friends. Now look at me - risking a friendship of almost 10 years because I have a stupid crush..."

Jungsu was quiet, his eyes widened in shock. "So you do like Jiseok...-"

"No, you idiot, I'm in love with you!"

Silence overcame the two. Jungsu was still in shock. Hyeongjun did a good job of holding back his tears until he said what he did. The salty drops fell down his cheeks as quickly as he wiped them away. Jungsu looked away, scared to make eye contact with his friend. "How long?"

"Long enough for it to hurt."

Jungsu's hands clenched the bannister tightly, still unable to look at the other. "Why'd you wait so long to tell me?"

"Because I couldn't ever bring myself to tell you how I feel," Hyeongjun said softly. "I... I can't stand seeing you be happy with someone else. I hate it. I hate it so damn much. I watched as you fell in love with others and supported you through those relationships, but now... I have to tell you, because I'd rather get rejected than hurt myself any further."

"Hyeongjun, you know how I feel about Jiseok...-"

"I know, but I can't stand seeing you be happy with someone that isn't me!" More tears fell down Hyeongjun's cheeks, and the knot in Jungsu's stomach tightened. "Getting by was... tiring. I didn't realise how deeply I fell for you until I felt hurt watching you fall for someone else. The restless nights I had thinking about you, the realisation one day that you'll never feel the way I do... it just... it h-hurt so much..."

Hyeongjun wiped his eyes, choking out sobs into the sleeves of his jacket. Jungsu felt helpless and apologetic towards his friend, not knowing what to say to the sudden confession. "Hyeongjun..."

"Just tell me you'll never feel the same," Hyeongjun said softly, finally looking up with tear-stricken, red cheeks. "I need you to reject me so that I can stop holding onto this fleeting hope. I can't love you, Jungsu - but I can't stop loving you. I can't be around you, or with you, or beside you - just tell me you hate me so that I can stop loving you...-"

"You idiot, I can't ever hate you," Jungsu said quickly. Hyeongjun sniffled, wiping his eyes. "I'm... I'm sorry that I took up so much of your time. It's just... you're just my best friend..."

Hyeongjun chuckled cynically, shaking his head. "I knew it. Of course you wouldn't even consider me. I'm too late - or too early? Whatever. I'll fall out of love. You don't have to be my friend after this, it's fine. I was alone for most of my life anyways, I'll just get used to it again."

"Hyeongjun-"

"No, Jungsu." Hyeongjun wiped his eyes one last time, straightening his back with a sigh. "I'd do anything for you. It's all for you. It's always for you and never for me, so I need it to stop. I'll be nothing but a friend to you - and that's not what I want. I regret telling you this, but... feelings are fatal."

Jungsu could only watch as Hyeongjun left. He felt absolutely terrible. Even though he did nothing wrong, he still felt responsible for so much. But he couldn't help that he had fallen for someone else. Watching Hyeongjun cry like that made a deep hole in his heart - because he had hurt him. Jungsu's head was full of thoughts, yet empty at the same time. He didn't know what to think.

Was Jiseok really worth destroying his friendship with Hyeongjun?