the once and future two

what the hell is happening

MERLIN' P.O.V

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I woke up in my bed with a start. I had sweat rolling down my face yet I was cold.

Wow, I feel scarred yet confident. today is just a day of opposites isn't it?

I look outside my window to see that the sun is rising, this is usually the time when I have to go wake up Arthur. but since Arthur is outside with wou- I was cut of by a knocking on my door.

"Hurry up Merlin or else you will be late for Arthur!" Gaius yelled at me through the door.

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion.wasn't he just outside my room? I slowly get off my bed and make my way to the door.i open the door to see Gaius working on some potion.

But as I look around the room, there is no Arthur. He is not on the bench. I'm dumbfounded, he is supposed to be there. Maybe he just got better and left?

Ya, ya that's it. he got better. I walk over to the door after saying a goodbye to Gaius. I have this weird feeling in my stomach, as is something isn't right. as if something will go terribly wrong. as if nothing will ever be the same.

As if, as if, as if.

I never realized how close I was to Arthur's door till I nearly walked into it. once I recovered from my confusion I charged into his room an went over to his curtains.

I threw the curtains open and said the usual 'rise and shine' in a cheery voice.

Arthur, this time, responded with a "I'm awake Merlin" and got out of bed. "wow, that is surprising" I said actually surprised at how well he was moving since the war. "I am able of moving Merlin" Arthur said sitting down at his table for breakfast.

"No no, that's not it" I said still staring at him. "I'm surprised at how you're moving with all your injuries" Arthur just stared at me like I was an idiot. "I do not have any injuries Merlin" he said, "what? yes you do," i said back even more confused.

"no i don't Merlin, i would know if i had some" Arthur said going back to eating his food. i nodded, "right, i must be going crazy" i mumbled the last part so he didn't hear.

once Arthur finished his food, i brought back the plates to the kitchen. on the way i saw Sir Leon. What? but i thought he was dead? i must have been staring because Leon snapped me out of a 'trance'. "Merlin? Merlin are you alright? you look as if you have just seen a ghost" He said with a slight smile on his face. "huh? oh, ya. im fine" i said putting a fake smile on my face. "good." he said walking away.

what the hell is happening?! he is supposed to be dead!

i shake my head and continue walking. i make it to the kitchen without walking into anyone else.

phew

i did NOT want to talk to anyone else who might have been in the battle. Or i might get even more confused. i put the plat back in the kitchen and walked back to Arthurs chambers. "there you are! You took so long!" Arthur said as soon as i opened the door. "Sorry, i was talking to Leon" i said trying my best to sound normal.

Arthur only nodded. "so, do we have any attacks?" I asked 'causally'. Arthur raised an eyebrow before replaying with the words i hoped i would never hear again. "as a matter of fact, Morgana and her men are a few days from here"

My face fell. Morgana? i killed her. she is supposed to be dead, not alive. oh god, im so scarred.

"you can go Merlin, i will call you when i need you" Arthur said. I said a quick thank you and left for the field.

i needed to think.

i needed space.

i needed time.

but i had no time, no space and my brain is too full too think. My life is way too complicated.

i made it to the field and laid down on the grass under the tree. this field was my favorite place in all of Camelot. for i could see the kingdom and i could see the knights training with Arthur, this was my own place. sure, i could just go back to my room. but Gaius is there and that is not a good place to think.

i have seen Leon and i know that Morgana is coming so that means that Percival is alive. this is not right at all. so not right. so, if i never got killed, and if neither Leon, Percival or Morgana are dead, then that means Arthur does not know of my magic. And if he does not know of my magic, then he does not know we kissed.

that last thought hurt me the most. i knew that if i walked up to Arthur and kissed him, he would react differently. it seems that the world does not want me to be fully happy. "dammit" i say out loud. "DAMMIT!!" i yell louder then ever and kick the tree. "ow!" i say right after, holding my foot.

before i knew it Arthur and a few knights where on the field with me, watching me with curiosity.

this was supposed to be my place. i faced palmed myself. "you idiot" i mumble, "Merlin, are you alright?" i hear Arthur ask "Yep, im fine. just...just confused" i mumbled the last part, again, so nobody knew. "just what?" Arthur asked "just nothing" i said getting up wincing slightly from my foot. as i take a minute too look around at the group of knights, i see so many faces that died in the battle.

"okay, well Gaius needs you so come on" Arthur said walking back to the castle, i followed close after the rest of the knights.

and finally i had a thought snapped into my mind.

was it all a dream?

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A/N: hey guys!

im so so so so so sorry that i hadn't updated in such a long time. i was busy and had writers block. but know im here with this chapter, which i hope you like, but anyways. im gonna try and make u for the lose of chapters. but thanks for being patient with me. -Alison