Where the Thunder Bows Its Head [BL] (Passion Series #1)

KAPITULO 4

[Second Choice]

Months after escaping the orphanage, I feel nothing short of relief. When you put so much of your heart into something you've longed for, and it finally comes within your grasp, it gives you a unique kind of fulfillment. It's as if the stars are in your pocket, with their beam and shine reflecting on you. Or as if you're living in a fever dream where everything feels too good to be true. But I deserve this. I deserve to feel relieved. I deserve to be happy after everything I went through.

I've made friends. I have established a good relationship with the greatest adopters to ever exist. I live in a grandiose but secluded Hacienda. I have my treehouse. I know there's a myth that people are never satisfied, but I truly couldn't ask for more than this.

Thinking about all of it now, looking back to the time when I was still writing every day in my daily journal that I wished to be adopted, I think there's no point in denying it anymore. I am content. Reminiscing doesn't make me sad anymore because I know that eventually, I will end up here. I would end up being Johann Ellis Sevilla.

I often said I wanted so badly to escape the orphanage. It's true. I really felt imprisoned, like a circus animal in a cage, when I was at St. Mary's. I felt as if my freedom had been taken away from me or that my beloved wings had been cut off. But I'm afraid I have been lying in some parts.

My mother died. I killed my father. I was sent to the orphanage. All of this happened during my childhood—my supposed developmental and formative years. It was tormenting. It took such a toll on me that I'm surprised I can still think sanely now.

Kaya noong nalaman kong ipapasok ako sa bahay-ampunan, pagkatapos ng mga nakakabaliw na sinapit ko at ng pamilya ko, hindi ko maipagkakaila na napanatag ako, kahit panandalian. Natuwa ako noong una. Nakahinga nang maluwag. I may have hated the orphanage in the long run but it doesn't mean I didn't love it once upon a time. It may have taken my freedom away from me, or at least that I felt it did, but the orphanage still provided me with a place where I could be safe.

Kaya kahit noong araw na umalis ako kasama sina Mama at Papa, ang bago kong pamilya, alam kong nalungkot parin ako kahit na matagal kong pinangarap na maampon.

I guess that really is the thing when you get out of your comfort zone. Even when it's clear that staying in the same place over and over again won't help you grow and will never provide any enrichment, moving out of it still hurts. The orphanage once became my haven. It may have felt like a cage to me, but that cage still had everything I needed to survive. It was a space away from all my traumas. Kaya kahit noong nakaalis ako sa kulungang iyon... ipinagluksa ko pa rin.

"Crush mo si Tricia?"

Napabalik ako sa realidad nang magtanong si Autumn. Binaba ko ang tingin sa lunch box ko at pinagpatuloy ang pagkain. Dinalhan ako ni Mama ng steak galing sa mansiyon. Gano'n nalang ang gulat ko kanina nang malamang mamahaling uri ng baka iyon. I think it's an authentic A-grade kobe beef from Japan. Hindi raw nauubos kaya madalas ay pinapamigay rin naman ng pamilya sa mga trabahante kaysa mabulok lang.

"Hoy! Ano, crush mo nga si Tricia?" Pinitik ni Autumn ang noo ko. "Landing tahimik ka pala, e!"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Sinong Tricia?"

Siya naman ngayon ang nagkunot ng noo. "Ba't kanina ka pa nakatitig sa kanya?"

Tinuro niya ang sa may bandang likuran niya na harap ko naman, kaya narealize ko kung anong ibig niyang sabihin. I massaged my nose bridge and sighed. I must've unconsciously stared at a random girl while my mind was busy travelling somewhere else.

I guess Tricia was her name. Nakatingin na siya sa lamesa namin maging ang ilan pang mga kasama niyang babae. Nagbulungan sila pero sumulyap ulit si Tricia sa akin. I curved a small smile for her and gave her a little wink.