NUMB

26 - Family first, duty later

Dusk was falling behind the cliff Alec stood at the edge of, legs spread wide, head tilted up at the sky, the smoke from his cigarette swirling and vanishing into the heavenly and majestic colors of pink and purple, grain-like stars blinking at them as Magnus kept watching his lover's silhouette, ambling towards him so as not to disturb his deep thoughts.

"If you dare ask for a cigarette, I'm gonna tell your friends... and Val." Alec said in a deep voice, took a long drag from his cigarette, and dusted off the remaining ashes, head still tilted towards the sky.

"How do you-"

"I'm a cop, Magnus. And an ex-supplier. I learned to hear the silence."

"I guess I should be telling you about my past, as I know yours. It's not fair that -"

"Do you want to?" Alec asked, slowly turning to face him, and only then Magnus noticed his bloodshot eyes. How long has that man been crying? He knew questioning that wouldn't be fruitful, as they were the same in those aspects, so he played along.

"I...."

"We both went through something similar. You've told me that much. There's no need to go into specifics if you're not ready to talk, Magnus. You knew that through Val, anyway."

"Thank you," Magnus said, still lost in those broken hazel eyes. "You shouldn't be standing so close to the edge, by the way. It's deep."

"I'm not scared."

"Isn't your mother right there inside the cabin?" Magnus asked, his voice slightly higher and ruder than he intended. "Be grateful that you have your family back, Alexander. Not everyone can."

Alec's shoulder slumped, and his eyes flashed a range of emotions, settling into guilt, and he took a step forward only for the rock under his other leg to break and fall into oblivion, making him stumble, but Magnus grabbed his hand and pulled him with all he had, resulting in Alec falling on top of him.

With their faces so close together, breath mingling, both their broken eyes and souls craving to be loved, Magnus unconsciously circled his arms around Alec's waist, holding him tight, begging the universe to make Alec feel the same. To have the same kind of fierce love he sees all around him, in the eyes of his father for his mother, in the eyes of Valreen for his mother, and for the family he lost, the wife he lost. He wanted to be loved like his mama was loved by his Ayah.

"M.. Magnus..." And whispered around his lips, a few locks of his messy raven hair falling over his eyes, making the man look more adorable if possible.

"It's... I... it's okay, we sh-" As Magnus was about to gently push him away and stand, Alec locked their lips in a desperate, hungry kiss, sending a jolt of shiver down Magnus' spine. Tasting the saltiness of Alec's tears mixed with the stale taste of a cigarette, Magnus softly moaned and combed his fingers through the man's hair, tugging at it as he tilted his head to deepen it further until the need to breathe broke them apart.

"I... I don't know what got over me. Magnus I-" Alec panted.

"It's alright." Magnus softly whispered, trying to remember the taste of Alec's lips on his own for as long as he could. "I know you want to forget your pain, but if this is your solution, I can give you the address of a known sex club in Queens."

Alec's soft hazel eyes filled with shame, and he slowly got up, dusted his jacket off, trying to hold back the tears that fell anyway.

"Alexander," Magnus said as he too stood on his feet right beside the man. "Look I've been in those situations before, so I know that you want a distraction from that constant ache in your heart, and honestly, if I didn't have feelings for you, I would have happily helped. This way, though, we both will end up being damned."