Soukoku Stories

An Unexpected Visit Part Two

DAZAI'S P.O.V

The mafia soldiers yank the bag bag off my head and throw me down. I say tucked into a ball until I can't hear them anymore. 

I can't help the tears. He doesn't love me, I knew it. I knew I wasn't good enough, I knew it was to good to be true. This just confirms it.

He obviously wants me gone, he threatened to call security on me. His words echo inside my head bouncing off and reverberating back again, getting louder, and louder and louder, until I can't stand it anymore. 

"Get off me you tacky bastard! Before I rip your throat out!"

"I just want to give you a little kiss."

"I'm not your boyfriend, you pathetic social misfit waste of bandages."

I curl into as small a form as I can. The ropes rub on my wrists but I don't fight the pain, I deserve it for being stupid enough to think that I was ever enough for Chuya. I can hear the clap of thunder and soon rain pounds on the roof. I'd thought it was solid but apparently not because soon I'm soaked. I don't care, I deserve it.

A small part of me hopes Chuya will come for me soon. I call it pathetic and tell it to shut up. I can't take this anymore, I never wanted to die in pain. Sitting up I twist my hand just enough to slip out of the knot, once my hands are free I easily untie my feet and set off to search for something sharp.

In this old steel warehouse it doesn't take long to find a good shard, and when I test it against the rope it slices cleanly through. Perfect. 

Something stops me, "Wait just a little bit longer" the voice says, "he will come for you"

"Maybe" I whisper into the darkness

I decide to wait, if he does show up I want to at least yell at him first before I go. I try to imagine what I'll say to him but it's too exhausting so I just curl up again.

******************** LATER THAT NIGHT ********************

Chuya's P.O.V

It's raining now, but I don't worry too much because Dazai knows how to get back to our shared house. When I get there I expect him to be waiting to yell at me, but the house is silent. His shoes aren't by the door. Shit!

I turn around and head back out. I know where they stashed him. When I arrive at the warehouse it's still and silent . . . almost. I can hear soft sobs coming from a corner.

I move aside a rusty metal shelf and find him. When I see him only one thing comes to mind. What have I done?!

Ropes lay at his feet, he untied himself but didn't come home, what?

"You came for me." he says, but it sounds more like a question. His cheeks are wet with tears.

"Of course I did." I say trying to lift him up but he pulls away.

"Why."

"What do you mean why? Because I love you, dumbass. Now get up, let's go home."

"But you said you don't love me anymore." The tears are coming faster now.

"No, I never said that." I try to calm him but it isn't working.

"You said I'm not your boyfriend."

Oh.

What should I say, I can't deny I said it and he's clearly in no state to understand why I had to lie.

He's full on bawling now, I have to quiet him down before someone hears us. I clamp a hand over his mouth but he only wails harder.

"Dazai, I love you. But you have to stop crying." It's hardly the most comforting sentiment but I'm in a bit of a rush at the moment. "Please just come with me and I promise I'll jump into the river with you tomorrow."

This gets his attention. He looks at me and I nod confirming my words. On the way home he passes out and I end up carrying him, he's frighteningly light.

When we get home I grab the first aid kit. I'm still carrying him and we end up in the bathroom. I lay him on the tile floor and inspect the wounds. He's dead to the world and I unwrap the bandages on his wrists and ankles. By the time I'm done cleaning and dressing his cuts it's past midnight. He's still asleep so I tuck him in making a mental note to wash the sheets. I hold the soiled bandages in my hands for a moment, thiking, then I toss them in the bin.

He'll probably be hungry when he gets up so I start dinner and wash up while it's cooking. When I go to our room to get my pyjamas he's still passed out.

As I dish a portion for myself I hear him stir. Immediately I'm at his side. He looks confused.

"Osamu, it's okay, I'm here." I say running my fingers through his thick brown hair.

"You" I brace myself for the anger, "You cleaned my cuts?" He asks, he looks out of it, like he's here, but not really.

"Of course" I say, not really getting what he means, "why wouldn't I?"

"You didn't have too, I know you don't love me, you should have left me to be someone else's problem. I don't want to be your burden anymore."

"What!? NO, NO, NO!" The words come out much harsher than I know they should. i should'n't be yelling and yet I'm so in shock I can't help it.

"It's okay Chuya I don't deserve you, I always thought you should find somebody better. I'm happy. I don't want to trouble you anymore." He says it plainly but I can see the sorrow hidden away deep in his eyes. His eyes are glassy, whatever drugs he took must not be quite out of his system yet.

"But Osamu, what about what I want?" He doesn't really believe that I could ever stop loving him, does he? "What if I want you to be my problem? No, no actually you're not a problem to me. I love you. I want to care for you. Always." I can feel small tears welling. It's so stupid, "I love you, Dazai Osamu I love you!"

"You do?" He asks, sounding like a child.

"Yes, so much, more than anything." I tell him.

He still looks out of it but I decide not to push him any farther.

"I made us dinner, it's not crab but it's that chicken that you like. Do you think you can eat any."

"No."

I do't want to pester him any so I put away the food and we both fall asleep.