Soukoku Stories

Faking.

Another fic from last year's Sicktember.

Dazai's Perspective:

The bed feels so warm and I'm genuinely upset when I feel my eyes opening. I close them again but I know I won't be able to sleep again. The thought of leaving the bed turns my inside to lead, a heavy, pressing, dreary, gloomy feeling. I would love nothing more than to stay here all day, possibly longer, and ideally with Chuuya, but he'd never stay with me. He's far too dedicated to his work.

Chuuya, ever the deep sleeper, is still firmly asleep beside me. No wonder, it's 2:00. It's not uncommon for Chuuya to work until late or have a nocturnal schedule but this week he has daytime hours.

I toss, turn, and twine my fingers through my lover's hair and attempt the feat of sleep again. Even after five minutes, sleep evades me, only this time, as I toss and turn, I make the mistake of kicking Chuuya. Hard. In the face.

Oopsies!

Fully awake now, he grabs me, a reflex, and then softens after realising it's just me.

"Dammit, Mackerel!"

"Sorry." I feel genuinely guilty for disrupting Chuuya's precious sleep.

His expression calms, not quite a smile, but his version of one. He's still annoyed. "Why are you up so early? You sick or somethin'?" A frown.

His words confuse me at first, but then I remember that I always sleep much later than Chuuya. (Whenever I manage to sleep at all that is.)

Before I can respond, Chuuya's hand is on my forehead. His fingers are soft (a benefit of constant glove-wearing) and feel pleasantly warm against my skin. Chuuya runs a higher temperature than most and I welcome it now.

"Yeah, and you're all pale too. You feelin' okay?"

I'm about to deny it but then I get an idea. I'll just tell him I'm ill then I can just rest the rest of the day while he's at work.

I can't summon up the energy for any of my usual antics so I just stay silent and let him think of that what he will.

"Hey?" his words are soft now and he drops his voice to a whisper, "Did you fall asleep again?"

I shake my head to let him know I haven't

"This isn't like you, you must be feelin' pretty bad, huh?"

My plan is working but I can't bring myself to smile.

"Come on, Osamu, I need to take your temp."

I groan at the loss of the blanket's warmth but Chuuya's next to me so I press myself to him instead. He must have sensed what I want because on the way to the kitchen, he grabs a blanket from the sofa and wraps it around me.

He lifts me onto the counter easily, like I'm a child. I don't entirely mind it. No, I don't mind at all. I wish he'd stay all day. Knowing that won't happen, I let him slide the thermometer under my tongue. I wonder what he'll do when he sees my temperature is normal.

When the device beeps he takes it out, barely glancing at the number then presses a gentle kiss directly on my lips. I blink, surprised.

"What? Chu-"

"You're temp's normal, Osa. I figured as much or I wouldn't have given you the blanket. I understand if you don't wanna talk about whatever's bothering you, but I had to get you out of bed somehow, I could feel you tossing around all night."

"sorry." the words are quieter than I intended.

"No, it's okay. Do you want tea? Hot chocolate maybe?"

"Either is fine." Truthfully, I don't care in the slightest. I'm not even sure I'll taste it.

"Okay, cocoa it is." But he waits a moment to see if I'll object. I nod to show him I don't.

I watch in silence as he moves through the kitchen, as fiery as he may look, Chibi has the grace of a dancer. He told me that he wouldn't mind dancing if he could do everything over again. The memory warms me a bit.

The only sounds around are the kettle heating up, and the soft whirring as the temperature of that water rises. At my distance, the entire scene is a bit fuzzy, the only thing I can really make out is Chuuya's blaze-coloured hair. I haven't told him, of course. I know I should. I want to, but not today. Even thinking about the words drains me more than I like.

He'd make a big deal out of it. How pathetic is that? Even being spoilt tried me.

I'm so busy trying to see through the fog that I almost don't notice Chibi in front of me.

"Here."

I reach out mindlessly.

"Careful, Osa, it's hot."

I "hmm" to let him know I've heard him. The cup feels heavy in my hand, so I set it down.

Wordlessly, Chibi dances off, returning promptly with two of the bendy straws Elise-chan gifted us years back. It's a wonder they haven't melted with how many times they've been through the dishwasher. I think they were meant for handwashing only. Chuuya is normally meticulous about that sort of thing, but we only use them when one of us is sick, so they need to be sterilised.

The straw does make it easier. I drink a bit too quickly just to lighten the cup. My tongue hurts, but it's negligible, and the burn makes me feel something, at least.

"Good?"

I nod.

His hands are on my face now, finger tracing under my eyes. I don't need a mirror to know they're dark with my lack of sleep.

"You really don't look good though, Osa. You need sleep."

I shake my head, "Can't."

He opens his mouth, then closes it, hesitating. He hardly ever hesitates. Then he's walking off again, unlocking the cupboard where he keeps the medications, making sure to stand in font of it so I don't see the passcode.

"I'm not actually sick. Did Chbi forget?"

He says nothing, taking out a blue bottle and pouring a dosage into the small lid that doubles as a measuring cup. Still silent, he brings it over to me.

"This is overnight cough syrup, the most disgusting shit you've ever tasted, I hate the stuff, but it'll knock you out for a good 12 hours at least," he explains.

I can only look at him. Chuuya suggesting drug use? It's nothing scandalous, but I'm a bit surprised. I must look worse than I thought. It's at times like this that I'm reminded of exactly what Chuuya would do for me, for my health and well-being.

His eyes widen. ". . . You don't have to if you don't want to, of course." He starts towards the sink, "This is stupid. You're probably immune to this stuff anyway."

"Eh, why not."

He turns around, walking back towards me, "Yeah. But just this once, okay. I'm not making this a habit. I'll buy you some proper stuff this afternoon."

I reach for the cup, he pulls it back. "Promise."

I nod. He doesn't give it up. It makes me laugh a little, the sound lifts some of the worry from his features. "I promise, Chibi."

He lets me have it.

As soon as the purple liquid hits my tongue I gag but force myself to swallow it.

"Nasty isn't it."

I would answer but I'm already feeling heavy. The good kind of heavy, the warm heavy that preludes sleep. After all my trouble, I don't fight it now, leaning against, Chibi, shutting my eyes.

I feel his even, rhythmic steps under me, the weight of the duvet that Kouyou gave us, then nothing at all.

Chibi's voice follows me into my dreams. "Goodnight, Osa, my love."