Slowly falling down, down, down
I descend into insanity
Desperate for attention
So I become
A CLOWN
What am I if not funny?
What is my use if I cannot amuse?
The things I say
Become more and more incincer
Psychotic things, delusional things, delirious things
Pushing me farther and farther
away from myself
the farther I get, it seems
the more I am liked, accepted as something that cannot be changed so it must be accepted.
a miserable way to live in society
but
at least I am allowed to stay
living on the fringes
ALONE
Until
I can no longer recognise
the creature
I have become
Like an animal in a circus
I have made myself exist to entertain
I can't stop now
a sudden change
and I
would lose everything
Everyone
they would realise
that I am a liar, a snake, not to be trusted
for now I allow the scales of madness to hide me
They see me as a joke
I am sure of it
a source of laughter
The witty remarks that come so easily
after all this time
This is the way
I keep myself afloat
If I stop . . .
I shall surely drown
I fall deeper
I lose myself
to satisfy their demand
the demands that I think they have
the demands I have for myself
Bit by bit
I break down
and reassemble myself
until I am such
a patchwork of personalities
that I can't find
the real me
(if there is one) anymore
I look deep inside myself
I am LOST
But do I want to be found?
What if I don't like what I find?
What if it isn't good enough?
Is this good enough?
Can I be content with just good enough?
Am I willing to try to be more than just good enough?
Could I be more than just good enough?
Or am I just like this . . .
forever wandering
adrift
through space
unable to force myself
to exist on this plane?
Maybe I am just writing this because
I cannot fathom
myself
The fact that
this IS myself
The fact that
I have such an
Atrocious
Loud
Insensitive
Self degrading
personality
If this is true . . .
what kind of man
what kind of human
Am I . . .
YOU ARE READING
Soukoku Stories
FanfictionJust some Soukoku oneshots and stories. I'm new to the series, but have come across many fanfics about this ship so . . . sorry if I mischaracterise anybody and yeah wish me luck. Includes angst, fluff and relationship reveals, poems, HCs, and incor...
