What Should've Been Us

Arron

It took Jude and Zack two days to come, and still, Lara's condition didn't change yet.
They were now staying with me, Jude currently on the phone with her daughter speaking softly "I know baby, we miss you too we'll be home in no time I promise, give your Nona a hug okay?"  She put on a smile for her daughter before blowing her a kiss "I'll call you again before you go to sleep okay honey?" she said and I looked at Zack who was blowing his daughter a kiss "bye momma bye papa" Alice muttered before Jude hung up and exhaled placing the phone down and looked up at me and then at Zack before sniffling, her eyes welling up with tears, Zack reached over and took her hand in his and pulled it to his lips "I just don't understand how all this is happening" Jude said in a pained voice, her gaze going from her husband to me "I can't comprehend how something like this can happen, she called me..." Jude said looking at me now "she called me and told me she's giving Alice a best friend and she was so happy, God she was so excited" Jude started to cry her words out, Zack now pulled her closer to him his hand rubbing comforting circles on her back "oh my god, how can this be happening..." she exhaled and looked over at me "did you explain to her why he was in the health center?" Jude asked with regret clouding her face and I shook my head "she never asked...I don't think it mattered to her...we will tell her when she wakes up" I said Zack nodded and Jude broke into a loud sob before burying her face into her husband's chest, I stood up, I couldn't sit down doing nothing anymore, I know it wasn't a good idea to stay with her in the hospital, she had her family now, It won't make any sense having me there anymore, Jude and Zack were here and they needed me, I needed them.
"Arron, you knew?" Jude asked me from the lack of surprise and she didn't have to clarify what she was asking about so I just nodded my head "she blurted out when she was saying goodbye to James...I just didn't know she found out that very day" I said, my own voice seeming foreign.
"What do the doctors think?" Zack asked as he kept comforting his wife, who was a bit restless since they haven't been able to visit their best friend yet.
I shrugged "they think she went into a shock; her body couldn't handle the trauma so to keep her and the baby safe, her body just went to sleep I guess, I really don't understand how this is even possible." I said pacing back and forth "you know she was okay...fucking heart broken but she was okay..." I paused running my hand through my hair "physically she was okay, I thought she needed some air, that it was too much for her to handle" I said Jude's tears streaked down her face, she watched me with a pained expression as she held on tightly to Zack's grip.
Seeing the way Zack was supporting Jude made my heart ache, I felt selfish and horrible but I wished I had her, but it felt like I didn't have the right to hurt, not for her not for Lara.
It wasn't my place after all.
But I also lost my best friend that night, I also lost one of the two people I could always count on as my brothers, and I was hurting for him too.
I sighed and sat back down, and I rested my head on the wall behind me "Lara and the baby are going to be okay" I say, I don't think Jude and Zack believe me, I don't think I believe myself either but I say it anyway "Lara and the baby are going to be okay, they have to be" I repeat and I heard Zack agreeing as Jude sniffled back her sobs "yes they will" I heard her agree.

I sat outside on the front porch, James and Lara's house right across from mine.
I had just gotten back from a run when I saw the police car parked in front of their house and I knew something was wrong.
That sinking feeling that I had in my stomach hadn't budged since then, I couldn't seem to shake it off, it's been 2 weeks and I still couldn't let the feeling go.
"I got you a beer man." Zack said from behind me an outstretched a bottle of beer in one hand, another one in his other hand.
I reached for it and nodded "thank you" I muttered
"Do you mind some company?" he asked and I shook my head "go ahead." I said and he sat down next to me and stared at the same exact spot I was staring at "where is Jude?" I asked and looked over and him "she just fell asleep, poor girl she hasn't been able to get a full night of sleep since Lara called her falling apart." He said before taking a sip from his bottle "I can't sleep either, I feel the need to check up on Jude and Alice every minute" he confessed and sighed "Jude has been making Alice sleep with us again, and I know it's because she's scared too"
I took a deep breath and sipped from my own beer, grimacing at the taste of it, not the biggest fans of it "Do you know what I can't stop thinking about?" he asked looking over at me with a puzzled look on his face.
"What?" I asked him and he shook his head in disbelief "I can't stop thinking, if something bad happened to me, if I died" he said with a frown "what would happen to Jude and Alice" he said and I can tell that he too hasn't been able to rest either his hair messy and all over the place with dark circles underneath his eyes " I know Jude's family are amazing and you and Lara, our people, you won't leave them all alone" he said with a proud look in his eye "but it would devastate her, and Alice, oh my god how...how" he said unable to finish his thought and he just exhaled.
I cleared my throat "I keep asking myself what was James thinking about right before it all ended..." I spoke quietly "He didn't know he was going to be a father and all he cared about was Lara and he didn't know, the paramedics said that she was all he could talk about and it just fucks with my brain, he was alone, in pain, but all he wanted to do was apologize to her for not making it home on time." I said as I abandoned my beer, Zack wiped his face with the back of his hand and I swallowed the lump forming in my throat "he was the best of us three." Zack said and I chuckled "yea that's about right" I agreed.
Zack sighed and looked towards their house again "Lara is strong, you know" he said I snapped my head and looked towards him "she's going to be okay" he stated reassuringly and I frowned, confused on why would he reassure me, but before I could even say anything he got up and walked back inside leaving me speechless and full of guilt.