What Should've Been Us

Lara

SECOND TRY

Arron clasped his hand in his lap and he looked down staring at anything but me "I don't think you'd remember " he said quietly and I frowned "try me" I muttered and he looked up "it was long before we officially met you guys, you were a freshman and Jude obviously dragged you to that party but once you felt comfortable and started dancing, I don't think I've seen a more beautiful sight " he whispered he picked at his fingers and I knew it was a mixture of anxiety and guilt that mirrored my own "I sound like a fucking creep but I couldn't stop staring at you, and I hated myself for weeks later for not growing the guts to ask what your name was" his eyes met mine and I tried to smile but I couldn't and he nodded like he understood my hesitance "I do remember that party" I said and he looked up at me with curiosity lacing his looks "don't ask me why I remember, I don't know how to explain it myself, I've been having these weird dreams, more like episodes here I feel like I'm going back in time" I admitted and he raised his eyebrows "and what happens in those dreams?" He asked and I shrugged "I tried to save my mom, I went to that party I saw you and James he had a girlfriend, Sarah" I said and Arron's eyes widened "oh god" he muttered and I could see that they still didn't like her "yea very clingy" I said and he laughed "not his finest moments" he spoke about James with so much endearment "why didn't you say anything?" I asked him and he shook his head "it doesn't feel right, this doesn't feel okay like I'm betraying James's trust" I bit my lip "Don't worry it's nothing like that"' I reassured him and he frowned "How did you know about my family?" he asked and I looked away afraid to see the same pain in him that I saw before "you told me...is that why you don't drink" I asked and I looked over at him and right there, I saw the same Arron I met before the one that bore more scars than he led us to believe "yea, I never want to end up like him" he confessed  "James died" I blurted out and Arron shot up almost immediately "what?!" He asked his voice shaking "I'm in one of these episodes and James died in the future and idk why I'm here why I'm reliving all this but we never had this conversation before" I said and Arron was still looking at me with shock all over his features "Lara you lost me I don't understand" he said and I nodded "yea I don't expect you too but the simplest way to say it is in the future years from now James died and I'm stuck here" I muttered before beginning to sob "I don't know what I'm supposed to do" I said and he scooted over and grabbed my hand "it's okay just breathe" he said and I nodded taking a deep breath "that's it just breathe" he said over and over again until my heart calmed and my ears stopped buzzing

After calming down I looked up and Arron was still staring at me "I believe you" he said and my eyes widened "I've been feeling like I'm going crazy I don't know what's going on, but this feels so real, your hand holding mine feels so real I can..." I struggled to form words properly but he watched me quietly allowing me to let everything out "it's warm in my hand and your pulse" I said before pressing my fingers into his wrist "I can feel your heart beating inside you" I said as I listening quietly to his heart beating loud and quick and then I placed my fingers on my throat looking for my own pulse "I feel mine as well I'm alive " I say and he nods "you're right here in front of me" he reassured but I shook my head "I sound like a fucking lunatic" I said but he shook his head "I saw you that morning, when you looked at us after waking you guys up for breakfast, you were filled with relief, when you'd look at James, it's like you're trying to memorize every detail, like maybe at any moment you'll wake up and this will all be gone " he said and I was shocked, how did he notice "and when Lilly just slipped, you were more shocked to see me standing in front of you than what she implied" he said, my hand was still in his and his thumb moved in calming circles inside my palm "it's like you knew, like it's not news for you" he stated and I nodded "you had the guts to get to know my name in the first dream" I whispered and he went still his thumb stopped moving and his eyes searched mine "that explains the amount of times you got startled by James whenever we were alone" he connected the dots "you never thought twice about it before...." He whispered his eyes searching mine for answers I can't give him "Arron..." I said taking my hand back "I'm sorry, you have nothing to feel guilty about" I reassured him before standing up "are we friends in the future?" He asked and I nodded "yea, Jude and Zack got married too" I told him "You're their daughter's godfather" I said and his eyes shown with tears. "Are you okay?" He asked and I shook my head "you'll figure it out, Lara you always do" he said before I walked out of the room.
I went to my room and closed my bedroom door and sank to the floor falling apart.