What Should've Been Us

Lara

I was sandwiched between the door and Arron's body, his hands were in my hair and his lips kissed my jaw softly.
My eyes had fluttered closed and my arms were pressed firmly against his chest "so fucking phenomenon " he whispered against my throat and I shuddered, earning me another kiss before he pulled away and, I look up and I saw his hungry eyes looking down at me "do you have any idea, Lara, how fucking good you are?' he asked in a husky voice I haven't heard before, I gulped not knowing what to reply with, I usually have a smart witty reply but I was left speechless which pulled a grin out of him "so fucking good" he answered for me before I pulled him back to my lips where I could shut him up with a kiss because his words were pulling at strings I wasn't ready for yet, which worked because he melted against my lips, the kiss slowed down, felt less rushed and more like he was savoring every second of it, his hand trailed down from my neck treading a dangerous zone before he decided to rest it on my waist, where his fingers grazed my exposed skin softly, sending goosebumps all over my skin.
I sighed into the kiss and I felt him smile, obviously aware of how good his touch feels like.
I needed to slow this down so I pulled away and took a deep breath "Arron..." I started and I pulled his hand back just to place his finger against my lips getting to quiet down "it's okay, I know, nothing is going to happen if you don't want it to" he reassured, his eyes clearing up and a sweet smile appeared, a part of me felt disappointment and another part relief, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on my nose before grabbing my hand and leading us to the living room "do you want anything to drink?" he asked and I shook my head still feeling tingles all along the places he touched.
We sat down on the couch, and I snuggled into his side, as he wrapped his arm around me and held my hand, his fingers tracing the places where my wedding ring used to be.
"I don't remember the moment when you took them off" he muttered and I looked at him startled "sorry to bring this up" he apologized but I shook my head "no, don't apologize please" I laced my fingers through his "right after we kissed for the very first time, it felt wrong" I said and he frowned "The kiss felt wrong?" he asked I felt his uncertainty.
"What? No...wearing the rings! They just don't feel like they belong on my fingers anymore" I said looking over at him as he stared at our hands "why did it feel like that?" he asked his eyes looking up and locking onto mine "because Arron, I'm not the same person I was when I decided to wear them the first time" I said and I must be confusing him, hell it took me a while to figure it out so I continued "the Lara that wore these rings, she is a different Lara than the one sitting next to you" I explained "the Lara that fell in love with James...god that feels like a different person" I whispered and he stayed quiet, I looked over at him and tilted my head "Arron, what's wrong?" I asked and he gave me a tired smile "I was just wondering if I'll ever be what James was to you" he said and I'd be lying if I said it didn't break my heart hearing him say that.
"It's okay, I mean I get it, he was the love of your life, fuck Lara nothing compares to that, I just wonder sometimes if I'm just a distraction, a way for you to feel less broken" he said looking me directly in the eyes, I turned to him, fully facing him right now and I grabbed both his hands and placed them in my own bringing them close to my mouth placing a kiss on each of his knuckles.
"Don't you dare settle for anything less than what you deserve, and Arron you deserve the world" I said and he smiled weakly.
"I think a part of me, the one that met you before she met James, I think she loved you for a long time now" I admitted and his eyes widened "in the dreams when I met you, and when you held me, and when I kissed you, I gave you a piece of my heart, I didn't know it then, but I know it now" I muttered "when you cleaned my bloody cut, when you eased my nerves after a panic attack when you drove me to an event I'm sure made sound like a fucking maniac. You believed in me, and every time you put your faith in me, I gave you a little piece" I explained.
"the girl you knew, the one that fell in love with James, the one who missed all the fucking signs, I think she died, when James died, he took her with him, and another me was born" I muttered tears prickling in my eyes "she was broken to the core, barely breathing but you kept reaching for me, time and time again, lashing after lashing, no matter how badly I pushed and struggled against you, you kept my head above water Arron" I whispered, a tear falling onto my cheek "you saved me, you showed me I could be more than someone's widow, someone's mother...every time you fought for me, I got a little piece of my heart back" I said placing his hand over my hammering heart "until this broken little thing started to beat again because of you, I was no better than a dead person" his eyes filled with tears as I leaned in and pressed my forehead against his "there are a lot of things I am not ready for, I don't know how long it might take for me to become ready" I mumbled as he grabbed my hands and pressed them against his lips "but I know when I'm ready, I want it to be you, this is not a distraction, nor am I using you, I could never do that to you.." I finished and I smiled softly at him and I wiped the tears that stained his face before closing the gap between us and kissing him tenderly.
"because I'm giving you another piece right now" I whispered
"Lara, I.."he started but I cut him off "I know, me too," I said, I'm not ready to hearit, nor am I ready to say it but that doesn't mean a part of me isn't already feelingsit and I know it felt early, but a part of me has felt it since the coma andthe fucked up dreams, so I kissed him hoping it was enough for the time being.