First Sight

Missing Her

Charlize's POV

It's been days since Lexie left. I haven't gone into the guest room since. I cry myself to sleep, I wake up in tears, and I cry in the shower. Other than that, I don't cry. At work, I avoid her as best I can.

"Charlize, we need to talk about Lexie." Kerry says to me.

"There is nothing to talk about."

"She cannot find Lizzie's soothing toy. She has looked everywhere. It is not in her car, the trailer, or her bags. She cannot find another one anywhere. She asked me to ask you if you have seen it."

"I wouldn't know, I haven't gone in the room since she left."

"Could you check?"

"Yeah. Sure."

At the end of the day, I went into the guest room and found Lizzie's toy. The room still smelled like Lexie. I broke down and cried. Why did it have to end like this? Why does it have to be like this?

The next day, I approached Kerry and Lexie.

"Did you find it?" Kerry asked.

"I did. Here you go." I said, handing her the toy.

"Thank you." She said. Her hand brushed against mine.

"Do you have my sweater? I know you used to sleep with it."

"Yeah. I still do."

"She can't sleep otherwise." Kerry said.

"Well, if you don't mind, I would like it back, Ms. Mills." I say. I couldn't say her name when she was looking at me, it hurt too much.

"Very well. I will bring it tomorrow, Ms. Theron." She said as she pushed past me and walked off.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Charlize?" Kerry asked me with an accusing tone.

"Excuse me?" I reply defensively.

"Lexie barely sleeps. She cries all the time. Last night, Lizzie kept crying, so I went in to check on them and Lexie was in the bathroom. I picked up Lizzie to calm her down and Lexie walked out and apologized. She took Lizzie and I told her she could nurse if needed, so she did. She started to clean and I offered to help. I grabbed the sweater and offered to wash it. She said no and said that it is the only thing that helps her sleep because it still smells like you."

"Well, she needs to figure it out because we aren't together anymore."

"You two have been in love with each other since you met."

"She broke my heart, lied, and gave up by walking out."

"She didn't lie. She was terrified of Shaun. I know it's true because he came here that night asking where she was. He was unhinged and it scared me. I told him I didn't know. She left because in the past when she fought to try and fix relationships, she got hurt. So she left because losing you forever would have hurt worse than not being with you. Seeing every day and her heartbreaking was better than never seeing you again."

"She never would have told me about that kiss if I hadn't seen it."

"She was about to tell you. That's why she went looking for you. When she saw you crying she was more concerned about you at that moment."

"I just am not ready to forgive her." I say.

"For what? Being caught off guard and kissed by someone she hates? Telling you the truth? Leaving because you made it clear you didn't even want to look at her? Giving you space rather than fighting to keep you because she doesn't want to lose you forever? For being heartbroken and hopeless? For crying all the time and begging for you?"

"She made the choice to leave."

"You drove her away."

"It's not that simple."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I do. So much so that it hurts. But it hurts worse than before. Before we were together, it hurt to be away from her. I longed for her. Now it hurts all the time. I can't unsee him kissing her. I don't just want her in my life. I need her in my life. But I can't let her back in."

"Why?"

"She gave up. And she will give up every time it gets hard. I would chase her forever, but it won't change anything. I love her, but I can't waste my life running after her. If she actually starts to fight, then I may consider giving her a second chance."