rishi sunak x dominic raab

7. report

For the last few months Rishi had decided to do something for himself. He remembered the affirmations he'd seen in a tweet a few years ago, and every morning looked himself in the mirror and said, "I don't owe anyone anything. Today I choose happiness. I will not accept the negative energy of others." As a result, the nagging about a collapsing NHS (lazy doctors), racism from the Home Secretary (snowflakes overreacting) and, most annoying of all, starving children (shit parenting) had been put aside. In fact, Rishi had been indulging in a little passion project. He'd always loved maths, and now he'd found inner peace, why not spread the joy?

But now the good times had to come to an end, because the dreaded report had landed on his desk. His beau had been thrown to the wolves, falling victim to a vicious smear campaign from the woke civil service. Rishi wasn't sure if he'd even read it. He knew Dom, and he knew deep down he was a good man. Very deep down. Very.

Rishi needed a second opinion, and so he consulted the most hideous person he knew. 

"Morning Suella, take a seat-." Then he saw the look of terror on her face. "Is something the matter?"

"I encountered a vile sight on my way here. A group of boys playing football in the park."

"What's the problem?"

"They were Pakistani." She shuddered. Rishi gasped in horror. "It was clear why they were there. These grooming gangs trying to lure children in. You should've seen the looks of pure joy on their faces as they enjoyed the sunshine with lifelong friends. Utterly shameless."

"There was something I wanted to ask, Suella." Rishi tried to go on, but he was still unnerved by her story. "I have some reservations about showing Dominic the report and I wanted a second opinion." 

She swiped it off his desk and began reading.

"It's all bullshit. I mean, how suicidal can these civil servants be when they've lived to make the complaint? Unless suicide is another thing they're useless at." She cackled. 

"So you think it's all just an overreaction?"

"Definitely."

"It's quite disheartening to see people misunderstand him. I mean, Dom loves Swiss army knives, what's so wrong with him wielding them round the office? Can't he share his passions? And this - he made a civil servant plank against the wall until she collapsed. That's not abuse, he's just a fitness enthusiast and wants his staff to be in the best possible shape!"

"It's PC gone mad. Reading about the incompetence of some of these people, God knows what I would've done when I was there." 

"So I shouldn't fire him?"

"That's not what I said." Suella smirked evilly. She wanted to be the only alpha around here, and Dominic and his bulging vein were getting in the way. 

*

Dom barged through the Ministry of Justice, sending civil servants flying as he made for his office, knowing the report awaited him. He slammed the door behind him and flipped through the pages, his grip so rough it tore the paper. There was nothing damning here, only mere expressions of workplace discipline. He run a tight ship. And what was wrong with that?

 A terrible witch hunt was following him, and yet it was his inner conflict that affected him most. For the first time he started to doubt that Rishi would support him. Surely he shouldn't have to plead his case? But Rishi was a rule-follower at heart, be it lockdown or seatbelts, he always obeyed. Dom worried immensely, but he knew he had to rip off the plaster. And so, he made his way to the Prime Minister's Office.