𝚆𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚗 𝙱𝚢 𝙰 𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚜𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚛

-{ Ai (intp, 🤍) }-

Atsushi's POV

I feel so hopeless...

I keep getting flashbacks from the orphanage...

I'm always causing trouble for others...

I don't deserve to live...

I know that I don't belong here-

"Atsushi-kun."

Reality slaps me in the face. I quickly turn my head to the right, and I'm met by a figure standing a few meters away. I'm in an abandoned shed house with a large, cracked window, and I didn't hear a door opening. It's dark in her, the only light is coming from the crescent moon, and so I struggle to see the figure's face. But I recall the voice.

"Ai-san?" I ask, uncertain of the feminine-looking figure, "What are you doing here alone?" She replies. She sits down in front of me, leaning her arm on the glass of the window.

If I'm being honest with myself, I can sense a faint ray of comfort fluttering in the depths of my soul. Ai helped me at our first meeting, and she welcomed me into the Agency along with Dazai-san, she teaches me so many things I can't possibly list them all.

"Nothing..." I mutter, but I can't bring myself to look directly into her eyes. My chest feels heavy, as if my heart is drowning in a thick cloud of emptiness. I finally garb the strength to tilt my head towards her. Even in this familiar darkness, I can clearly see her usual blank expression, I don't think she believes me.

"You shouldn't lie, Atsushi-kun," She speaks softly, stretching out her arms. "I know what you sound like when you're lying. Besides," she pauses, then breaks eye contact with the moon, glancing at me curiously.

"I can easily sense your feelings of insecurity and agony."

My eyes widen a bit, and I lose grip of my knees, my arms slowly begin to regain their strength. I'm surprised at how Ai can easily know so much about whoever is in front of her, even though she hasn't been here for two minutes. Especially me, she literally reads me like an open book. It makes me wonder what am I giving off. She looks back at the bright moon, her palm holding her tilted head, she doesn't seem to be affected my expression.

It's like she knows what is going on in my mind, and she is waiting for me to ask. I feel too heavy that it takes years for my lips to part. I sigh deeply, a little bit of the frustration leaving my heart. I start to calmly collect my thoughts.

"How do you know so much, even though I haven't done anything?"

Ai seems lost while admiring the beauty of the moon, but she manages to look at me, only with her eyes. I patiently wait for her to say something, trying not to twitch at anything she might come up with. Sweat beings to form at my forehead, and my gaze is a little tense I have to close and open my eyes to calm myself down. All this, and Ai is still staring.

"It's not just words that provide information."

I flinch at a sudden gust of wind blowing through the cracked glass. I take a quick moment to understand what Ai said, and I'm more confused than I already was. Straightening my back, I start to piece some things together, but I still can't quite out my finger on it. "I don't... understand."

"Your guard was down, and that's highly uncommon for you." She remarked. I wait for her to continue, because I want to learn. I want to learn how to be like her. I assume she notices my sudden interest, because she quickly continues.

"Humans give away a lot of information even if they're just standing there."

"Your attitude."

"Your gaze."

"Blinking."

"Sweating."

"Gestures."

"Your pupils."

"Your pulse."

"All of these are hints of what you're actually thinking."

I'm shocked. My eyes are wide-open, the effect of her words still slowly drowning into my mind, hoping to never flow to the surface. I decide to arrange my thoughts.

I can find out what the other actually thinks, and I need to be observant in order to do that. If it's a skill, and not an Ability, I can also bring myself to learn how to gain it. I never thought it was that easy to figure out lies and hidden feelings, but it all unfolds right in front of me.

I raise my head a little, fighting the unbearable urge to talk. I don't want to burden Ai with myself, that's the last thing I need. But at the same time, I really need someone to talk to.

But I don't want go be a burden-

"Listen, Atsushi-kun. I don't really know what exactly are you experiencing right now, but let me teach you something else," she pauses, just as a gentle breeze passes by, leaving traces of memories behind. And I'm eager to listen.

"Don't pity yourself, Atsushi-kun. If you do, you won't be able to achieve anything in life."

Ok but question, but how are Akutagawa and Atsushi so beautiful in the beast novel?? They'd already so damn pretty, and that one epic art style only makes them hundred times prettier, ive already spent like five papers in my journal praising and talking about them-