on the next spring | ✓

7

If You - Jungkook (Cover)

It was summer in 1997. 

I couldn't take it anymore. I heard the teacher yelled out my name as I slammed the class door close and walked away from the damn classroom with my backpack on my left shoulder. I didn't care if she wanted to send me to the principle the first thing next morning. I was fine with it.

I lifted my chin up, facing the ceiling. Don't cry. Don't cry. You're a mess but on the very least, you shouldn't cry. As I was busy battling with my emotions, my eyes caught a rather familiar figure walking my way, but the figure was busy reading a letter in her hand, and probably didn't realize that I was there. 

I quickly wiped away the clear fluids that were forming in my eyes. I stick my hand in my pocket, waited till the girl walked pass me - and she didn't stop. I guess she really didn't see me. I then pulled her hand, and she turned to me with a rather confused expression. She stared at me for a while. I stopped myself from asking her as to why she was wearing a padded jacket on a freaking summer light. 

I let go of her hand and got back on hiding them in my pockets. "It's too boring today. Let's just hang out." I said casually, in which she replied with a frown. "No, I'm sorry. I had things to take care of." She replied indifferently. For some reason, she sounded cold that day. Before she left, she looked at me for a while and offered me a weak smile. I was sure that she was just trying to light the mood. "Also, can we like - stop all of these nonsense?"

"Huh?" I was confused. 

She took a deep breath, her left hand clasping the letter she had been holding on to, and faced me by the eyes. "I don't know but - this feels so wrong. Let's not do this anymore. Everything we did was nonsense, don't you think? We were supposed to be studying at school -"

"You dragged me into that mess." I cut her. I wasn't mad, she had a point. I was just pointing it out. 

She sighed. She then replied, half-whispering. "I'm sorry." 

I didn't move. 

"I'm sorry that I brought you into this mess. I'm sorry." 

I didn't want her sorry. I knew it wasn't her fault, I just want a reason. And as I watched as the girl stood there looking remorseful, somehow I couldn't bring myself to tell her that she didn't need to feel sorry. Instead, I sighed and pulled her arm, as I walked to the complete opposite of where she was heading to earlier.

"What are you doing?"

"Health centre. You look pale." I answered, I didn't look at her. I just didn't want to. We could talk about this some other day. I had things I wanted to say to her too.

As I was about to climb up the stairs, she pulled her arm forcefully. I turned to her, and the first thing that greeted my eyes was her furious expression. I stood there, staring at her for a solid ten seconds. "What?" 

"What to me? What's with you?" 

"I was trying to bring you to somewhere you can rest?" 

She pushed me on my shoulder, it wasn't hard, but it hurts. I didn't know how to put it into words, but it hurts. "That's the problem." 

I didn't reply. I watched as the girl huffed and stared at me with her sharp gaze. "Stop pretending like you are oh so caring about me. You don't." 

"I was just trying to be nice, was it too much?" I argued back. I knew I should have stayed silent, but I couldn't.

She laughed, as if it was a joke. "Shut up. I knew it, you don't have to. You never cared about me, idiot. I was just your what - another random person that came in your life at times you need someone to hang out with." 

"So what now, you're shocked that I knew it? Anyone can tell, idiot. So stop pretending like you care about me, stop pretending like you're concerned about my health. Stop with all the act you've been putting for the past three years and thank you so much for those years. That was quite some times that you've been wasting your precious time on me." She looked even paler. I didn't know how to point that out as she was all mad. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything for apparently everything she said was not wrong. 

For me, she was just another stranger I was comfortable with.

And it was selfish. I knew.

"I thought about it. For weeks, to be precise." She continued.

"From now on, you do you, me with my stuffs. Let's not -" She paused, I could see her sparkling eyes, and I was trying hard to convince myself that she wasn't crying. I wished she didn't. "- cross each other's path anymore."

I could have said 'yes, let's do so.' 'I don't care'. 'Sure. Mind our businesses.' It was so easy for a mere stranger, but I was utterly stunned. Those three years felt like tiny piece of feather, that it was too easy to break it. It infuriated me, eventhough I knew I had no right to feel so. And so I took three steps away from her, nodding. 

"Sure. I won't care about you. And that's how you should act too. I'll skip class, beat people up, drinking smoking and whatnot and you shouldn't care. You do you. I don't need you." As soon as I finished my last sentence, I turned my back against her, and I made my ways towards the frontgate. A place I used to go with a company, but for that day I went there alone. I climbed the gate alone, and eventhough I didn't get chased like I mostly did in the past, but I felt even heavier. 

Then okay. 

Let's not cross each other's path.