on the next spring | ✓

11

I Love You Boy - Suzy

I didn't believe in routine till I reached thirteen years old. That faithful day, I started jumping out of my carefree schedule as I found myself skipping school everyday, my new type of routine. Going to school each morning at six, by eight o'clock, I was nowhere to be found in the school area. Instead, I climbed the school's frontgate, and hang out somewhere else outside of the school. That very same routine went on for four years straight that I'd gotten used to it. 

My only mistake in predicting future was that I thought that routine would go on for another year, but that was where I was wrong. On summer of 1997, that routine changed to another. Another routine that I needed to stick to. 

Clover Hospital, was my second home for I spent almost all of my times there. I'd visit the hospital everyday, not even once did I was caught slipping. I'd be there at seven o'clock each day and I'd sit at the playground, waiting till the visiting hours. Everytime the security guard informed me that the it was time to visit her, my heart would beat like crazy. I didn't even know if I was excited or was I scared. Scared that the thing I prayed to be postponed for as long as possible did happen. 

And so to chase that fear away, everytime I opened room 5's door with the smile on my countenance, I'd searched for the girl's face right away. My hand be shaking as hell, but all I could think of was to hide the nervousness away from her. I'd just gave her the sincerest smile I could ever display. Everyday, everytime I saw her, I'd asked the same thing over and over again. Only to make sure that my fear wouldn't come true. 

"Hey." She would ignored me at the first call. 

"Hey." I'd walked to her, a little bit closer. But she wouldn't be responding. I'd sit on the chair provided, and that was when I could see her face clearly, eventhough she would always stared at the window instead of me. 

"Lee." She would turned to me. Blankly, staring at me. That was the time my heart would always skipped a beat, where my palms would turned sweaty, and my mind would be out of place. We would looked at each other for a solid one minute, for me to regain the strength I'd been collecting eversince I woke up in the morning. For some reason, everytime I entered the room, the strength always managed to make its way out of me. 

In such force, I would let out the question that would be lingering in my mind since the very moment I woke up every morning. 

"Do you remember me?" 

She would kept quiet, staring at me as if she had no idea as to where I was coming from. From that moment, my chest would be tightened, suffocated by the silence. Every second passing by, every ticking of the clock second hand sent the chill down my spine as I waited for the girl's answer. 

After a few second, she would answer with a "You're here?" And smiled to me like she had been waiting for me. Only then I could exhale the breathe I'd been holding the moment I walked in the room. 

I hope the answer could stay as it was. Always, forever.

Everyday would be the same, the nurse would checked if she was okay every one hour and she would take her breakfast and lunch, along with her medication. 

At 6 in the afternoon, Mrs Lee would came as she dropped off work. I would watched as the two mum and daughter had their time together. I didn't know she had such lovely mother given she used to skip school as if she was rebelling against everyone.

Just like I did. 

Usually, Mrs Lee would allow me to take her daughter for a walk in the garden. We didn't usually talk. She hadn't been talking much with me in the whole week since I found out about her disease. When we went out for a walk, she would usually remained silent, looking around. Sometimes she smiled, sometimes she would asked me to sit down for a while and enjoy the beauty with her. The girl then would just watched each and every visitor around the garden. Those uninterrupted moment would be wrapped up by a single "Let's go back, it's getting cold," and we would both be off to the hospital room again.