on the next spring | ✓

14

A Little Happiness - Hebe Tian

Last week of summer in 1997

Leaves began falling on the ground, leaving its trace on footprints along the street. The supposedly hot weather toned down a lot those past few days, indicating that the most awaited season in a year was coming to an end. Residents started dressing warmly, scarves around their necks, waiting for the autumn to take over.

Something about autumn or fall felt really close to me. I wasn't fond of going out strolling around while watching flowers left and right, but I wouldn't mind doing so during this specific season. The warm yet breezy sensation created a comfort zone for me. I love it. 

I wrapped my neck with a beige scarf, sticking my left hand in my khaki wool coat as I walked across the street. Passing each store and building, all I did was either observing others or looking up to the blue sky. The calm essence I had been longing for. 

Yet for some reason, I couldn't yeet all of the concerns I had away when my foot stopped right in front of a nice and small building, pastel pink in color. 

A florist. 

I stood there for a solid one minute, observing the flowers that were displayed by the glass window. I wasn't really fond of flowers. I didn't see anything special with a bouquet of random petals brought together on a single stem with some colorful pigment. But on that very specific moment, something caught my attention. It attracted me, that I didn't even realize that my foot started making its way to the florist' door. 

When I pushed the door open, the little bell hanged on the door's frame jingled, it made this funny sound to alert the workers that they had a customer coming. The girl in white uniform with a lily hairclip bowed 90 degrees towards me, in which I responded with a smile and nodded to her. My eyes then wandered around the shop, meeting each and every kind of flowers piling up on the display table and around the shop as decorations.

I didn't even know why was I standing in the shop at that moment, observing every flowers that I hadn't even been interested in before. I found myself stepped closer to the display table, while my eyes scanned through every stem and bouquet of flowers. Unconsciously, my right hand reached for them, smile attached to my countenance. The scent filled my nostrils, made its way to my miserable mind, pushing away all of the mess piling up inside of me.

At that very specific moment, a sway of a particular petals caught my attention. I turned my head to the far end of the table, on which I found myself staring right to a vase full of pink oriented flowers. For a solid minute, I just stood there admiring it, until it hit me.

"Pink carnation. I love the meaning."

"I... Want that." Was what I remembered saying. I reached for a stem of the said pink carnation and inhaled its scent. Unintentionally, a sweet curve formed on my lips. That was it. The reason I actually walked inside the shop that day. 

"Pink carnation? Sir, I'd say for a man, you have a great taste." The worker likely praised me as she carefully lifted the vase while picking up a few stem of the flower and placed them on the counter's table. I chuckled. "I... My friend like them." 

My friend.

My heart skipped a beat when my mouth uttered that.

The worker smiled to me, reaching out for a ribbon on a small cupboard besides the cashier machine. "That's so sweet. I bet you guys will be friends for a long time." She indifferently said, immersed in her job to arrange the flowers into a bouquet. 

I watched her every move, witnessing as the bouquet turned into the most beautiful combination. 

"I wish. I wish we would be friends forever."

+++

I was exceptionally excited that particular day. I woke up earlier than usual, dressed up warmly. The autumn breeze finally made its way to the atmosphere given it was the last day of summer. I nervously put on my coat as my heart fluttered everytime my eyes met the beautifully arranged flowers at the top of my table. 

I took the bouquet, inhaled the longest breathe in my entire life, and finally opened the door, ready to go.

Exactly 8.00 o'clock, right after the visiting hours started, I rushed to room number five. I smiled and giggled along the hallway to the said room. At times, I would glanced at the bouquet in my hand, imagining her reaction upon receiving the flower. It was the very first time I had ever associated with flowers, let alone gifting them to a girl. A whole new experience, but I was excited. 

I didn't get to google the meaning of the flower yet, but I figured I should ask her to explain them to me. The doctor said it was best to assure her to talk about things she love. At this rate, she found it hard to actually construct a sentence. It was a little harder to understand anything she had to say, given she wouldn't be able to perfectly deliver her intention through words and grammar, but it was good to boost her confidence over speaking up again. And I would listen. I promised I would listen to her.

I had the last giggle before opening the sliding door, smile brighter than usual. It was the brightest I had ever been since I knew about her condition. But I couldn't mess up that day. I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted her to be happy for that one specific day. For the first time, I felt like I knew something about her. And it felt too good to be true.

I walked inside and opened the door behind me, as I faced her who as usual was zoning out through the window. I smiled and stepped closer to her, both of my hands hiding the pink carnation behind my back. "Hey." 

As usual, she stayed quiet. 

"Hey."

As usual again, no response.

I tried to hide my excitement as I bit my lips, preventing it to form a smile. "Lee." 

As usual, she turned to me. Her stoned expression, like any other days.

I forgot to be nervous about that moment, where I would asked the most important question, as I stepped closer to her. I failed to contain how excited I was, and eventually broke into the biggest smile. 

"Do you remember me?"

She stared at me as usual. Quiet, without any response. 

Two seconds.

Three seconds. 

Till it turned into a minute. 

That wasn't usual.

"Who are you?"

I felt like my whole world fell apart, my smile vanished as my eyes stared at her confused expression. The bouquet somehow escaped my grip, and it fell flat on the floor. We stared at each other, accompanied by the sunlight from the window. But it didn't light me up. 

1997, the last day of summer, I experienced the greatest lost in my entire existence.