on the next spring | ✓

10

Autumn In Front Of The Post Office - Kim Daemyung

I ran faster as I ever could, and as I opened the door to room 5, all I saw was an elderly woman caressing the girl's hair, feeding her with a spoon of hospital's porridge. I was still panting when the elderly woman turned her head to me, with her eyebrows creasing in confusion. She put the spoon and bowl away, hands still on the girl's head. 

I looked up, containing the warm fluids that were forming in my eyes. For some reason for the past few days, I had been releasing the fluids away a little too frequently. 

"Son, are you coming in?" The elderly woman invited me, whilst smiling and patting the seat next to her. For a few seconds, I was contemplating on whether or not I should come in, and I did. My eyes fixated on the girl's dull expression as she continued to eat. I understood she needed to be taken care of, but what had happened?

As soon as I sat down, my gaze shifted to Mrs Lee- her mum that was still spoon-feeding her daughter. "Is she fine?" 

Mrs Lee sighed and smiled weakly. She then caressed her daughter's hair again. I noticed that the girl had been quiet since I walked in. Was she really fine? What if something really did happened? "It was such a fortunate that the nurses stopped her. She could have been boiled to death." I could hear Mrs Lee's tigt tone, as she looked at her daughter. 

"Hey, little sprout. Listen. You don't use kettle to heat the water, and you don't take a bath in the one hundred degree's water. Besides, aren't the nurse in charge of your bath water?" I asked as my eyes darted on her face. She looked rather pale, and above all, the girl looked like she was all over the place. She kept glancing here and there, with a dull expression.

"I don't feel safe going to school if you keep on behaving this way." I told her off, reminiscing all of the nonsense she had been doing these past few days. Yesterday, she went into the wrong room, resulting on the patient reporting her to the doctors. A day before yesterday, she went to the ichthyosis ward and turned off the air-conditioner, telling the patients that it was cold, hence they should turned on the heater instead. 

That was relatively fine compared to some scene where she was endangering her own life in some ridiculous state. I'd lost count on how many times my heart skipped its beat each time I heard the news. There were something off about her but I couldn't tell. 

She replied with a bright smile. The girl then patted my head softly, chuckling to herself. "You're the little sprout, silly." I tried my best not to point out that I was already about ten centimetres taller than her. I watched as the girl finished her last spoon of porridge and lay down on her bed, eyes darted on the ceiling. I couldn't catch what was she saying, but she sure muttered something under her breathe. 

Mrs Lee then tapped me on my shoulder. "Son, can I - talk to you?" 

+++

I stared at the door, unsure as to what I was gonna do next. Unsure as to what I should do, how I should act, how should I pretend like everything was fine and that I hadn't heard anything. Before I could even made up my mind, the burst of tears I had been holding in since the very first word Mrs Lee said to me exploded. I walked to the door, attempting to open it, but as soon as I saw the girl's figure smiling to the window, it broke me. 

I still wanted to see that smile. I didn't know since when but her smile had kept me sane these past few days, and I've been wanting to see more of it. I didn't want to lose it, somehow. It hurts. It hurts too much that I didn't know how to get in and pretended like I knew nothing. My chest felt like it was holding the world's burden and it was backfiring me. 

"She suffered from a disease in which she'd constantly losing memories, little details and get confused over little things. Over time, she might forget how to do things by herself, she might not be able to take care of herself." 

I didn't want to hear any of it, but my mind kept repeating the following sentence. 

"At some point, she might even forget everything around her, including her acquaintances, things she love, things she hate. She might even forget me."

"She might even forget you." 

I ended up crouching down in front of the room, letting out all of my cries. The orange-ish ray coming from the dusk sun accompanied me as I cried as much as I want, for there was no one around the hallway. All I could do to chase away the pain was hitting my chest over and over again. I didn't know. I didn't want to know. I wished I'd stay in the ambiguity as to what made her so peculiar these days for it hurts even more. 

A few minutes after, I stood up, forcing a smile on my face and I opened the door slowly. When I walked in, she was still immersed by the beauty outside the window. I didn't call for her. Instead, I went straight to the chair beside her bed, making sure that I was closed enough for her to realize that I was there. But she didn't look at me. 

I was scared. I was scared if she looked at me, she wouldn't recognize me.

"Hey." 

She didn't respond. I held my breathe for a while. "Hey." She was still silent, but that smile that was carved on her lips was still there. Sturdy. 

"Lee."

She turned to me. I didn't know in what sense, but I was glad she would still respond to her name. But she was silent, staring at me blankly, whilst still smiling. 

I gripped my hand as tight as I can, I felt so heavy in my chest, that I couldn't bring myself to utter the word that was lingering in my mind. For a few seconds, our gazes collided in a room filled with the sunlight from the window, as quiet as ever. I'd like a world filled with this silence with her rather than a chaotic world where I was left alone. That thought just crossed my mind. 

"Hey, do you -" 

My lips was as dry as I could remember. 

She waited for me. She didn't say anything, but I knew she was waiting for me to finish my sentence. 

"Do you remember me?" The moment that question slipped out of my lips, I could feel my whole body being paralyzed, desperately waiting for her answer. I didn't know which answer do I wanted to listen to, but I just found myself invested in her respond. 

She was silent for a little while. Still staring at me as if I hadn't asked her anything. As anxious as I was, I could felt the tip of my eyes all warmed up, I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I-

"Shut up, little sprout. You might be the last person I'd ever forget about."

My whole body loosen up as I heard her, and I ended up slamming my head on her bed, as relieved as ever. I tried smiling under the cover, eventhough I could felt the clear fluid staining the bed sheets. Not in front of her. At least I shouldn't let her see this vulnerable side of me. She would teased me for life. 

Just then I could felt a soft caress on my hair, ended my tears. When I looked up, the girl was patting my hair in her bright smile. "You're just like a little kid." 

I didn't say anything. 

"I must've scared you." She chuckled. 

You did.

She took her hand off my hair, as she looked at me with that fond smile. Had she always been smiling like that around me, looking at me like I was her little puppy?

"From tomorrow onwards -" I could felt the vibration in my voice, due to the unstable feeling in my chest. 

"Please rely on me. I'll be good to you, I promise." 

I'd never really know how to dealt with a real promise, but I guessed I'd have to learn to do so.