on the next spring | ✓

15

Sudden shower - Eclipse

In autumn of 1997.

Ever believe in a routine? Yet again, there I was reliving another routine I signed up for. 

I would wake up at six o'clock, preparing myself for yet another stupid day in school. Walked through the street, and spent exactly seven hours catching up for everything I missed for the past four years. I didn't skip school, I didn't hang out recklessly anymore. I shockingly tried my very best to be what seemed to be a good member of society, a student. 

After the school hours relatively finished, I would rushed to the nearby fast food franchise and changed into a red uniform with a cap with the same shade. Particularly squeezing out my energy to gain myself every penny for my future, given my mum didn't look like she was willing to invest in me anymore. Another five hours of getting scolded and going back and forth between kitchen and display table, I finished the crappy job hours by seven o'clock. 

That was when the hour I waited all day long rolled in. 

I would take a cab to the hospital, and waited in the waiting space and finished my homework as much as I can, and rushed to room number five by eight o'clock at night. 

Nothing exactly change. I stepped inside the room after shedding one or two beads of tears beforehand, and plastered a smile as bright as ever. 

"Hey."

Nothing changed. She would stay quiet. 

"Hey." 

There was nothing new. She didn't respond to me.

"Lee." 

I was glad nothing change, as she turned to me. I smiled as I saw her new haircut. Mrs Lee insisted on cutting her long hair till it only reached her shoulder. She looked relatively cuter. She was so much like a middle schooler.

"Do you remember me?"

Everything changed from there. She would stare at me for two minutes, before letting out the painful "who are you?" in which I trained myself to respond with a smile, stepped closer and sat on the chair provided. I trained myself to look at her in the eye, the fearful expression assuming she was talking to a stranger, and replied with "I'm here."

At times, it wasn't that easy.

"I'm sorry, I really need to go the toilet!" I exclaimed as I jolted out of my seat and rushed to the toilet at the corner of the room, accompanied by her confused gaze. As soon as I locked the door behind me, I slammed my back on the door. 

My shoulder flinched as I tried to hide that stupid noises you made while tearing up. I inhaled and exhaled rapidly, trying to chase away every emotions attacking me from the inside. When I finally lost it, I let myself sank in, slowly fell on the floor, burrying my face on my kneecap. In the relatively small space, my voices filled in every corner, accompanying my every hiccups and tears. 

As much as I want, I couldn't possibly stayed constantly strong throughout the process. And I hated that. I should stay strong, but I just couldn't get into it.

Ten minutes into the mess, I finally got up and went to the sink, recklessly washed over my face and specifically ran cold water under my eyes, reducing the swelling. I looked at the mirror, smiling. I tried widening the smile, in which the tears came out for a split second. I shook my head, concentrating on my smile again. When I managed to form the most sincere smile with no trace of tears, I opened the door again. 

There I saw her playing with the rabbit plushie Mrs Lee got her last week. She had been playing with the toys for quite some time. She even said that they became bestfriends already.