Sexually Feeding

Joshua

After me and my first child's father broke up I was so lost and hurt in a way. I cried a lot and I was just a mess but I would go on this app called meet me and it was fun tbh and that's how I met this guy named Joshua. Joshua was Latino with really curly hair and skinny asf and at first he was shy but I liked it. He actually took me on my first date and we went to get ice cream and walked in the rain well it was actually drizzling and he was quiet but I was making him laugh the whole time. That night we made it official and our date was officially March 19th 2016. I remember because he was actually very sweet to me and he was the second person I ever slept with and the first time we had sex was my birthday.

We were a couple of kids fucking in his blue Toyota and it was fun. I felt so alive again and I was so happy, he took me out and treated me very nicely. I remember we went to go watch Batman VS superman and of course I was team Superman because that nigga got powers and Batman is just a rich motherfucker with gadgets and shit! So we enjoyed the movie and we went to get something to drink and we would hold hands and stuff and that's the day he told me he loved me and I almost wanted to cry because I knew that I loved him too and we lasted for awhile but things wasn't working out anymore because he lost his job and then he broke up with me and I was so heartbroken.

I cried for days and I would just draw and cry and listen to a lot of  R&B and I would just be in bed hurt. I couldn't get over him so I said fuck all these niggas and started playing niggas out of their money and making niggas pay my phone bill and shit and I was becoming mean all because my heart was broken and that wasn't right! He always tried to keep in touch and I didn't because I never wanted to be back where I was at with him. He still tells me he loves me and I do too but we both moved on, I have kids and he has a girlfriend and I'm happy for him i really am but what I don't like is that why try to talk to me when you have a girlfriend but then he explain he's in a Polly relationship and also wants me to carry his child but god knows I'm not having a baby with a man that has a girlfriend! It's just not happening I don't care!

I really thought that we were going to get married and start a family move in together. You know the American dream I guess but that didn't work out and things play back in my head all the time, and when I look at him and he talks to me nowadays I just feel like I don't wanna be around him or talk to him because those feelings come back in to play And it sucks and I hate it but I still love him because he showed me the best time I've ever had! I've never been on a date and I never went out. I always stayed to myself, I was always with my baby father and then finally, I found someone else that could treat me right and make me feel Marvelous and made me feel like I was on top of the world and I love that feeling because I never wanted that feeling to end and when it did it crushed me and it still crushes me till this day and it hurts like it just happened yesterday but I know that it was a long time ago and I had to move on and maybe just only be his friend and when he reached out, I would just try to be nice and not be mean like I usually am, but I don't try to. I want him to understand I care, but I still love him, I just don't want to be around him because those feelings feel fresh but hopefully I can get past it!

I'm glad I met Joshua because he was a great person even though I don't agree with his lifestyle now, but I still care for him and he made a big part of my life important, and he showed me how a woman should be treated, because even though he's an idiot he was a gentleman and I appreciate him in every way and I still love him and I hope that our chapter would never end. Not in a romantic way, but never end in a friendship way!

To Be Continued.........