A Court Of Dusk and Destruction

Chapter 7-Discussion

Cousin Rhysand walked me back to the house. We decided against flying all the way or winnowing to the house because of how sick it makes me. Rhysand pointed out various locations and lead me on a bridge over a river called the Sidra. I stopped at the center and watched to water below.

My cousin leads his arms against the railing beside me watching closely. For a long while there was only the silent noise of the city and water.

"Sometimes I forget how young you are..." Rhysand sighed, "That the only thing you knew was that cursed place Under the Mountain. I wondered how bad was it really when you went to the Court of Nightmares to beg to leave so soon. Your comment this evening made me realize it might be the same reason I can't stand being there in the first place."

I knew this conversation was coming, but I didn't realize I did not want to, "First of all, I am about seven years older than your wife," those words earned only a soft smile, "Are we doing this now?"

Smile disappearing, Rhysand stood up straight and walked the rest of the way down the bridge. I trailed behind him. "Now is as good a time as any and I would like to get it out of the way."

"Shouldn't we wait for Morrigan?"

"Knowing Mor, she will be out all night. I have spent too many months hearing about you secondhand from her. Not knowing if it was a trick Keir and the other lords planned. If Mor or even you exaggerated the conditions you faced. Too protective of Velaris to risk anyone finding out about it from you. Feyre, Mor, and I have been trying to find a way to help not only you but all the women from the other court. Cyra, I spent too long afraid of being under another mountain that sometimes I just didn't want to hear about it at all. Didn't want to believe there was another place like that right in my own court...I...I..." his pace was fast till he stopped dead as he could speak anymore. "I am listening now. And if the walls cave on you as they do me, tell me how to help you push them back."

"It is not under the mountain...at least that is what I tell myself when the walls start to cave in. But there is a reason Amaratha made it like Hewn City." That name still made him flinch, still scared him. "Knowing not of what our cousin told you, I will tell you everything. My mother died giving birth to me, and since my father refuses to remarry the stakes in my marrying well were high. I take it you remember my sixteenth birthday?"

"Keir had Thanatos present you to Her...asked when you bleed that she choose you a husband..."

"I was the first of our families born in a while and only born under the mountain so I was a prize. Since the Spring Lord stopped sending sentries, Keir felt it was a good idea to keep on Amar...Her good side. If she stuck us there forever, I was to insure we did not die by being married for an alliance with her."

"She kept you as a handmaiden till you were twenty-one, five years before the curse broke because you never bleed. You were very excited about it. Cyra, I know this part alr..." so much for 'Im listening, and tell me how to help.'

"I am getting there Rhysand. I was excited because the lords convinced me it was the best thing I could do. The only thing I could do! Get married well and have powerful children. When I ask why Amarantha was not married and helped so much power, I was told she was the only female allowed to. I convinced myself, if I got close to her, I could learn to do the same. My delusion was only fed by others except my father. If it does not work, the marriage of her doing would be a prize greater than I was. It was all some...some made up," I used two vulgar words that almost made Rhysand lose that all too serious look he was giving me, and laugh.

"I believed it all! Till a few months being Her handmaiden made me sore, tired, sick, and disgusted. Father shielded me too much from her that I was not prepared to stand next to her till she asked for food, needed to change, or point out how 'fun' it was to watch the latest torture. Till Keir had me publicly beaten once She dumped me, which you were not there for. I was no longer useful. Once She did not find me entertaining and worth her time, I was not worth the lords. My father stopped them from marking my hands then and there. My Father can be very persuasive and always protected me when he could. Sometimes it was not enough. I still have some faint scars on my back. That day made me grow up and realize men only cared about women as long as they are useful. Since then, I have been a bit rebellious. So full of rage I needed to vent in small amounts so as not to draw attention."

"I guess now you have nothing to worry about, that anger is coming out in greater amounts. No doubt your rebelliousness reminded Keir of Mor's wildness..." he grinned as I snorted at the comment.

"Once the curse broke, my father publicly gave me herbs to try to make my menstruation come. Figured it would get Keir to leave me alone. Before, I took them privately." We reached the house at this point. Standing at the stairs they stretch for far too long.

Rhysand looked puzzled but said nothing as he offered to fly us up. I accepted. Once we reached the balcony Rhysand suggest we sit on the couch so I walked over and sat down.
"If you did not want to get married, why take the herbs?"

I honestly needed a moment to think about it, "If it had not already worked, why would it suddenly? It was mostly to stay safe. I have no brothers, no siblings at all to protect me, to get married instead. Father was the only safety from marriage or the alternative. It was the only way to live a decent life. I hated it but I had no choice. So I obeyed."

Rhysand sat with his head propped on his hand, elbow on the arm of the couch. "What was the alternative?" he ask.

I held up my scarred hands, "I wanted to avoid this for as long as I could. One time when I 'misbehaved', Keir told me I was as useless as Morrigan. So I asked about my unknown cousin. Learning her story, I set out to meet her on one of her visits while you were still...avoiding the city."

Rhysand crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, "You used her to try to escape before that happened." Rhysand gestured to my hands.
Answer carefully I told myself, "Out of anyone, I knew she was the only one who would understand the way women are manipulated into wanting nothing more than service a man. Only to be punished and told she had no chance at life if she could not. Whether it was her fault or not. I did not hold too strongly to the hope of leaving Hewn City. When it was too late, I feared being a slave to a house that would beat me without reason, find a law say they could kill me, or other worse things." Knowing what Amarantha did to Rhysand, seeing how he would cringe behind her back when she call him to her bed, I would something unsaid. "You need a good reason to kill anyone, slave or lord, but there are few laws to beatings, so long as they do not die."

Rhysand took in my words. Stood to pace around the room as he took them in. "Thank you for telling me. Cyra, there is more to this story and I don't need to hear it right away. All I want to hear is how things went when everyone found out you were coming here for safety, but I was more concerned with you right now. We can talk some more about what you went through and how you feel later. With Mor present, if you want but that is enough for now. If you want, there is a healer that can help with mental trauma you can speak to as well but things you can't tell Morrigan or me. If you need anything, just call me. I will know when you do. Goodnight Cy." Rhysand strode out to the balcony getting ready to leave.

Not the house, for him. My cousin the Highlord and I were never close, but we went through similar things. Saw a piece of what the other did firsthand. I could not tell if he wanted information about me or the city. If he was trying to get closer to me, or use me against, or to help Hewn City. All I could do was give him a bit of both till I could trust him more.

"Oh...also, Feyre wanted to visit you tomorrow morning, possibly with Elain. Just a casual visit of course."

"Of course. Sounds nice."