I'm not just your boy toy

8-Risk it all

8-Risk it all

Garrett's pov

Ever since I dared to tell Brandon that he makes me feel like I'm just his boy toy, we haven't seen each other nor talked to each other.

Thank goodness it was the Easter break or else I wouldn't have a reason to not talk to him.

He hasn't tried to contact me since then and I don't know if that's a good thing. My friend Rachel surely would think so but I don't know...

I'm still devastated about that through. As much as I hated how he treated me, I still loved the times we had together even if we only had sex.

I was desperate alright? If that was what would make him still want to see me then I had to compline even if I didn't like it.

The kind of relationship we were in isn't something I like that I know. I prefer to be in a committed relationship.

Though, I don't know what to feel about what Brandon and I had. It wasn't even a serious thing. He would just call me whenever he wanted just so he could get into the act that's all.

I don't know if what I did was the right thing through because of that I might've lost him. That's not what I wanted. I just wanted to be treated as a human being you know? That wasn't what he was giving me.

I just...I can't help but wanted more. That's what I wanted from the start. I wanted him seriously. I instantly fell in love with him. Though, I doubt he sees me as anything other than just a boy toy... He didn't deny it...

I already knew about his lifestyle and I had a plan eventually to get rid of it but how could I continue what we are doing when he doesn't even love me in return?

Most people would tell me to give up on him but I can't help but want him...It's not another guy that I want. It's him that I want.

I haven't been in love in years and now I'm certain I love him not just sexual attraction.

The truth is that I'm older than him, so I'm already at the next step while he's probably not.

I'm closing on my twenties. I can't help but start to be in a committed relationship and think about marriage. It's going too far but deep down that's what I want, what I wish for.

It's crazy that he's still after all the guy I invasion doing it with, a future with.

Despite his lifestyle, he's everything I want in a guy, my dream guy. I just can't give up on him..even if I think he did..Oh how I wish he didn't...

Anyways I have to stop thinking about this now, I'm at work I can't go thinking about this.

Easter break is over so we're back at work today. In a sense, I'm actually glad we do because this way I can do something else than think about the whole situation.

"What's making you so sad this morning? We just got through Easter break. What could possibly be troubling you?"

Rachel! Why didn't I try talking to her during the break?

"Oh..it's nothing important."

"Oh come on. Of course, it's important, if it wasn't important, you wouldn't be here looking troubled."

"No, I'm fine.." She comes closer to me.

"Look, if you're not ready to tell me that's fine. It's ok to not be ok." She hugs me. I wasn't expecting that...

"Rachel.."

"I don't know what's wrong but just know I'm here ok?"

"Thanks, Rachel you're the best."